I would still expose even if you don't think it will matter. You honestly never know where the support for you and your marriage will come from.

Who knows what these people were told. They were probably spun some lurve story bullS^^T so make sure they know the truth.

Also, you don't only have to expose to his family on FB. Expose to his friends too.

As long as you do it with the templates that ML's thread provides, you will do what's right.

I thought certain people that my wife knew were aware of the situation, but I exposed anyway. Matter of fact, I exposed twice. Her mom didn't talk to her until last weekend. I'm sure my W told her some lies, but oh well. At least I gave them the opportunity to influence her. Hopefully if the OM is still out there, they won't accept him. I know my children won't.

My BILs and their families have already said they will not accept the POSOM in their lives.

If I find out that OM is over at WW apartment when DD is there, then I will rain hell down on my WW. Bullet or no bullet, Plan A
or no Plan A, I will not stand for that!

Now where's that clip from Tombstone that Melody had???

Well, I expect to get a defiant email from my WW today.

I sent her an email on Friday outlining her portion of the bills that she owes for January. She pays her portion and half of the kids on cellphone and insurance. Plus there are some other misc expenses pertaining to the kids. I have a feeling she is going to push back on this claiming I should take *her* portion of a medical reimbursement that I get and use that towards these bills she owes.

I have so much pre-tax taken out of my paychecks that goes into a medical supply reimbursement account. We typically wait until the end of the year to claim this, then either use it towards Christmas presents or towards homeowners insurance which is due in March and a good chunk of change.

Ok, go back before Christmas - Christmas being goofed up cause she moved out, we did the Christmas expenses separately. She did want to use the med reimburse for Christmas, I said no, it was now earmarked for HO insurance. She then sent back a nasty text explaining to use med reimburse for Christmas and then we would use tax refund for HO insurance. I said are you sure I can count on you to commit to using taxes for that? She replied back another nasty text, claiming we've done this in the past, why not now.

Long story short, we did wind up just paying for Christmas out of our pockets, and I have the med reimbursement money squirreled away in my savings account, set aside for HO insurance.

She has several times already claimed half of that med reimnb money as hers, even though it came out of my paychecks last year (though our money was joint all last year till she moved out mid-November).

She became upset out of the blue several weeke ago. Vented on her brothers and yelled at me. After that she texted me "the he77 with earmarking that money, I want my half!" I ignored her and she hasn't brought it up since.

She has Mondays off and was at a conference on Friday, so I don't think she has read the email I sent on Friday. So when she reads it at work this morning, I have a feeling she is going to push back and say to take her January bills out of the med reimb money I have.

She dropped off her W2 last week so I can do taxes. If she pushes back on her January bills, I might just take that out of her portion of the tax refund! She is paying nothing towards this house and her name is on the mortgage. So the least she can do is let me use the reimb towards HO insurance.

I'll post later about DS hopefully heading to college this fall and how we're going to manage financial aid and footing our portion of the bill for that! WW didn't attend a college financial aid meeting at the senior high school last week with me, so she has no idea what this is going to cost us.

Well, her response wasn't as bad as I thought, but doesn't leave me with any warm and fuzzies as to when I'll get the money she owes me. She replied "I'll get this to you when I can."

I have a feeling this isn't her last comment on this. I'm sure she's thinking about this and will toss something back my way.

Last week was a college financial aid informational meeting. Our son is planning to attend college this fall. I informed WW of this meeting, but she backed out at the last minute for no reason that I can tell.

Let's just say the meeting was a bit of an eye opener since student loans have changed a bit since the W and I went to school. I have to do taxes yet, so I don't know the exact numbers, but there will definitely be a chunk of money that we will need to come up with for school - more than I anticipated.

Of course when things were good between us, we were using our money jointly, and before she felt the need for an affair lair, we would have most likely had no problem mustering up the money for his school (along with grants, perhaps scholarships, and his own student loan). But that came to a screeching halt with her A.

Not to mention that DD will be taking driving lessons this fall, maybe even this summer, and school no longer provides drivers ed, so it's all private. That will run ~$500. Additional costs in insurance, she will need some vehicle to drive.

Yeah, my wife picked a really good time to have an A. Think she could have at least waiting till the kids got through school? Nothing like ruining DS's senior year. He even told me "mom ruined my senior year and damaged me emotionally". He even said these things and other stuff to WW, but it didn't budge her. May have made her think, but hasn't affected her otherwise.

I've heard that my WW has told people that the kids will come around. If she has to fog up and rewrite our history, that's one thing. But to mess up your kids, well, that's just inexcusable.

I know she's been hanging out with more divorced couples this past summer. I'm sure they've been telling her that the kids and things will be just fine. So she hangs with people that support her twisted view. I guess misery loves company.

After seeing the numbers for college and additional DD expenses on the horizon, I would think that may budge her to think more about our kids and realize that we need to come back together and work on what's best for the kids and obviously us.

If she ruins DS's chances of attending the college he wants because of [her] money spent to fund her A, I would think that will push DS even further away than he already is and WW will lose DS for a long, long, long time to come.

Have you read my thread? Your wife is following script with mine. Don't give her any money unless the courts tell you to. I don't have a choice because I'm military, but if I were you, I would't pay her a dime.

Working on getting through your thread. I don't pay her anything, rather we split some bills since they're joint. But she doesn't pay a dime towards house, utilities, etc.

Well, she got back to me. Our DS is type 1 diabetic. So he has monthly supplies like insulin, etc, that he needs. My WW replied back that she's not paying for his supplies since I have money pulled out each paycheck to help cover that. Well, it's only pre-tax money, that's all I'm saving is tax, it still comes out of my pocket each month. Actually supplies come out of my pocket and the pre-tax money from my paychecks. I don't realize anything back till I submit later in the year. And then it's only the tax savings. Then she reminds me she has a car payment, whereas I don't. Nevermind that I'm paying over $1,000 more per month between mortgage and home equity payment than what her rent is alone! So I knew she was going to backlash.

Since she's a nurse, they had a patient a couple weeks back that was doing poor and most likely is going to pass away, if he hasn't already. I texted her just now how he's doing. She replied "Why do u care? Maybe u should check with one of my brothers...and post ur "family get togethers" on fb..u can have the <bleepers>...they don't deserve me anymore".

Excuse me? They don't deserve her? I would say it's the other way around. So she's really pissed off that I hung out with her brother's family this past weekend.

You know what? I don't really care. If she decides to D me, I will still hang out with her brothers. They even said I better. So she can go hang around with OM's family and I'll hang with her brothers for life. Sucks to be her.

Ironic that she's always said that I should still remain friends with her brothers, yet she throws a hissy fit when I do!

What is with these waywards?

I did post one picture of all of us ice fishing on FB. It just simply said 'ice fishing on the Rainbow Flowage'. Several of my FB friends replied to it and liked it. I didn't do it to hurt her, I did it to let her know what she's missing with her family, and to let my friends know that I'm still living my life!

I can't help it she de-friended me on FB. What's she doing snooping around my FB wall via some mutual FB friends we have? I find that interesting. Apparently she's still checking out my FB page even though she de-friended me!

She thought that her little fantasy world would consist of me rolling over and submitting to her, that her brothers and family would be on her side, seeing how *happy* she is with OM, that our kids would be on her side. Apparently, it's not turning out at all like she envisioned.

That's what they do. My W blocked me. Not just unfriended me. She asked me about one of my posts that one of "our" friends reported to her about. She's in conflict with herself like your wife. Pay no attention to it. You're going to go through a roller coaster of things that are not explainable and you shouldn't read into.

It's so interesting that I was her friend on FB up until about 2 weeks ago. Don't know why she suddenly felt the urge to de-friend me. Maybe I should block her on my FB page. That would tick her off!

I hate FB, but if it can be used as a tool to put pressure on her of any kind, then all the better.

'In conflict with herself', I like that. Helps me keep it in perspective.

My WW did reply again back to my initial text that the patient had died. So on one hand she felt the urge to flame me, then she must have had a moment of guilt or remorse where she felt it necessary to respond back to my initial question in a civil manner.

Don't block her....let her have the ability to see you and the family doing things together. Blocking her would just be childish. Read Plan A some more and do what it suggests.

Where do I find a good explanation of Plan A and ENs? I see some information under Articles, but it appears to just be somewhat of an overview of A & B.

Link to Plan A

Plan A.

Suggest family trip - DS Senior year, and your last opportunity to take a vacation as a family...spring break is rapidly approaching...

OM will blow a gasket (+)
WW will enjoy family time (+ meeting her EN's)
You get to Plan A 24/7.
It was one of her complaints.
If she doesn't want to come, GO ANYWAY. She will dwell on it while you are gone...

I be lovin' dis ......

Lexxxy - that's a great idea, problem is I do not have the funds for such a trip. WW moving out has put me under a tight budget.

Plus, spending money on a trip when I very well need to take any extra cash I can find and put it away for his college, would not be a signal I need to send. How can I put the pressure on her to do he right thing and reconcile so we can focus on our children's upcoming expenses (and us), while on the other hand frivolously spending money on a trip which would financially bind us further and risk DS college? I feel I would be stooping to WW's immature level.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's a great idea, and if I had the extra cash and college was secure, I would do this in a heartbeat cause I like the positives it would incur.

Tax return.

Seriously -- you cannot "pressure" her out of the affair.

You're gonna need to start thinking out of the box here.
Consider downsizing the house.

What school is DS planning on? Talk to them about financial aid / scholorships / work study. And get wife involved.
Have you visited the campus? Good family time there too.

You can be the key to her having a relationship and time with son. The nice part about that is you are the central figure.
If you remove yourself, she's back to having little to no relationship with him.

That is one of the downsides to this whole situation. One of her complaints was not doing enough trips, big projects, recreation, etc. I would have loved to do those, but needed her support in managing finances to make that happen. It wasn't for the lack of money, it was for the managing of it.

Now by her moving out and $binding$ me even more, how can I possibly correct that complaint? How can I Plan A something like that?

I need to focus on the kids, having a safe, warm, secure home for our kids. Then second is the kid's future. They need to have the opportunity to get a good start on life. Schooling is that opportunity and I need to make sure I can provide that. I will get a 2nd or 3rd job if I need to. That is my responsibility in life. I helped bring our kids into this world and it is my responsibility to raise them and make sure they're prepared for life in the best way possible.

I cannot rely on WW to uphold her end of the bargain. In the past she would have. That person is [hopefully temporarily] out to lunch.