Going to a counselor with a wayward wife will be a DISASTER. The counselor will probably try to tell you to give up and go to divorce. And then your wife will have validation for leaving you and will be able to say "even the counselor agreed I should leave him."


Can I ask why you went to a friends house?

*edit*, you are making strategic mistakes that are going to cost you your marriage if you don't start fighting for your marriage.


If she could afford it she would already have m [/quote]

This is what happened to me.

I could easily block his calls to her cell phone, I'm sure I can get on AT&T website and have certain numbers blocked. I know that will just drive her away.

I'm way more firm then I was a few days ago! She knows I won't leave my kids.

Depending on her phone, there are ways to download the entire history of the content of her incoming and outgoing text messages.

Or, put a voice activated recorder in her car. You will likely catch her side of a conversation with OM that will tell you what you are really up against.

Be prepared - because when you verify that she is involved in an ongoing affair, we are going to advise you to expose it to your families, OM's family, your friends.

Keep your cards close to your vest right now. Do not bring her to this site or make her aware of it. Do not let her know your game plan. Do not beg, cry, plead, or be needy right now. Be cool, calm, collected. Think James Bond.

Most counselors do not know how to deal with affairs.
I know from experience,
You need to get a plan and stick to it.
There are several out there.
The Marriage Builders (MB) is a good plan with many good outcomes.

There is a strong possibility you will never be able to win your wife back. But the MB Plan and help YOU be prepared for what SHE does.
But you need to stick with it, not the counselors plan

oh -- sounds like you have that covered. (text messages)

When you say everyone knows whats going on -- do you mean her PG rated version? She's aleady trying to spin the story and sway support to her side?

Who pays the bill? Family funds should not be used to finance HER AFFAIR. If she wants to be selfish and break up the family then she should pay for that with her own money, not family money. I blocked my wifes cell phone from calling OM. If you don't, you are enabling the affair.
What will you do next? allow her to use family money to buy pretty underwear to show off to her boyfriend? DON'T ENABLE, YOU DONT BUY AN ALCOHOLIC ALCOHOL AND YOU DONT ENABLE AN AFFAIR ADDICT.

Will she be mad? YES, SHE WILL BE. SHE WILL SAY YOU ARE CONTROLLING HER, SHE WILL SAY SHE HATES YOU. Same thing an alcoholic says when denied the vehicle keys, or denied money for booze.

*edit*, you have been given so good advise about going to a counselor. I took my wife kicking and screaming to one and he advised my wife to leave. Please save your money at this time.

You are kidding, right? You understand that she is already "driven away?" If she werent' driven away you wouldn't be here talking about divorce. You have already lost her.

Please read this very carefully. You have a chance to save your marriage if you can focus and follow these instructions.

We both have iPhone 3GS I can't search forum much now I'm at work.

I thought counselor was correct thing to do. I wonder how long it takes to get appointment with harleys on phone

Did you read Lexxy's post? It is real important for you to get evidence of their affair. They have a plan in place and you need to get your hands on quietly.

I control everything as far as money. House is in my name only, cell phones my name only, I pay every bill as far as house is concerned and in my name. She pays her car payment and a couple other small bills she created.

I have read every post. I need time away from my workers to do some research. I need to read that link that was recommend on first page.

I always swore I would never put up with an affair, we would be done right then. I'm not sure why I'm fighting so hard now? Maybe to save my kids from this? Maybe I love her more then I thought?

*edit*, there is a very strong chance we can help you save this marriage if you will quietly get the evidence of their affair. They have a PLAN to move you out and replace you. You must get the evidence and then we can help you with next steps.

Start thinking of ways you can get that evidence. WE can suggest spyware for cell phones, GPS, keyloggers, etc. You just tell us how they communicate and we will help you get the goods.

You might want to consider taking family leave, or letting your boss know what is going on in your personal life.
Many betrayed spouses are in shock, and not functioning well.
This can become obsessive. It might be a good idea to take some time off and focus your energy on busting up the affair.

Its real important for you to understand that you can't bust it up without upsetting your wife. Your goal, and her goal are diametrically opposed. You cannot accomplish your goal without making her angry -- so get over the idea that you can "nice" her out of it.

Avoiding her anger is NOT YOUR GOAL.
ENDING THE AFFAIR is your goal.
Ending the Affair will piss her off.
So be ready for that.

She will turn into a spewing, shreiking hysterical monster.
For a little while. Then you may get your wife back.
But not if you let her have her way....

I thought the same thing. My wife has had more than one affair. For me it is about the kids, but also about the love we shared before and potential for a better marriage than ever before.

Her plan is to let everyone know (including you) what a huge disappointment the marriage has been.
She will try to say that she's been trying to get your attention for YEEEEEEAAARRSSSSSS.
She will have lots of reasons.

"You work too much/You don't make enough/You're a bad father/you only pay attention to the kids/there's no passion/she's just a housekeeper/You're controlling/You have anger issues/blah blah blah blah blah...."

She probably started connecting with OM and telling him that your marriage was in shambles, that you don't care about her, that you life like roommates. And now the affair has reached a point where she has to make that all true. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy. She's made these statements to OM, and she is so addicted to him that she has to follow through.

Her plan is to manage you.

She wants to ease you out of the marriage -- trying to get you to agree that neither of you love each other anymore, and you should just be friends and co-parents.

If you blow up this affair, and make it clear that she can't have her fantasy divorce (you all spending christmas mornings together!) -- then your marriage might recover.

As everyone here has said, Do not believe anything she says. She will lie to not just you, but she would lie to her mother, sister, pries, rabie, and most people will believe her, because "that's not like her".

If one thing you learn, a wayward spuce becomes an expert at lying. The friends and relatives that are reporting to you may know more than they are telling you, and may not know anymore than you do, but one thing is for sure, you cannot rely on them for the truth.

I had what I thought was a good friend who knew the entire time my WW's affair was going on with my best friend, I never knew he knew until after the whole truth was revieled. People don't know how to handle that info, or don't want to "destroy" your marriage (they don't realize that truth doesn't destroy a marriage, but infidelity sure can).

Texting is her main form of communicating with everyone. I'm sure she won't move in with him. He lives with his mom and grandma and his nieces and nephews and his daughter on weekends.