*edit* .. welcome to MB. Sorry you are here. pay very close attention to the vets here they WILL NOT steer you wrong! even if what they tell you to do seems counter intuitive DO IT!.

Going to counselling will only serve to enable your wifes affair. MC's do not know how to deal with affairs. Infact MC's have the highest rate of divorce of most occupations.

Heres what will happen if you do go. When you go in, the MC will ask all sorts of questions about your marriage and then it will turn into a rehash of the past for session after session .. and each time you come away from it your wife will feel more and more justified in what she is doing becasue each session will allow her to relive all those moments that she is dwelling on and keep them fresh in her mind (WOMEN ARE GLOBAL THINKERS SO WHATEVER IS BOTHERING HER MOST WILL BE ON THE FORE FRONT OF HER EVERY THOUGHT). You will come away from each session like everything happened yesterday and feeling worse then before you went in. It will begin to feel hopeless.

^---This is from personal experience. Took my wife 4 sessions to realize that MC was NOT helping and costing us 100bux an hour.. your money is better spent on a phone call to the Harleys. One phone call from the harleys does WAY more than weeks and weeks of MC.

Stay strong .. you got the best of the best on your side here.

MNG

*edit*

I can�t emphasize to you how important it is that you don�t let fear guide your actions. What we advise you to do is counter-intuitive since it is meant to put a wrench into the affair and pi$$ off your WW. She will be livid that you�re not playing along.

I can�t emphasize enough to you how important it is that you follow our advice. I am telling you this as a man who didn�t listen, didn�t believe that the strangers on the internet knew MY wife. We don�t know your wife, but we do know you WW. They�re all pretty much the same but they just vary in intensity. There are those that are completely off the rocker crazy and then there are those that are just plain crazy, but they�re all crazy. They�re not thinking about their children and the bomb they�re dropping on their kids. They can�t see the pain they�re causing you.

FWW�es on this board can tell you how correct I am in these statements.

I say this to you because I�ve been on this board long enough to know when I�m dealing with a very timid and afraid BH. You strike me as that type right now, but I hope you prove me wrong.

Spy. Get the intel.

The best advice on this issue when I was in your shoes came from my brother. He told me to become ice cold and not let my WXW be able to read me. He told me to keep her guessing and to be calm and calculating.

Again, I didn�t listen.

Please follow the advice you�re being given.

No, she's not. Women don't leave their marriage because they 'kissed Saturday night' and then she 'pulled away.' Don't buy that.

Her best friend is lying to you as well.

Quoted for TRUTH!

As a WW myself, I can tell you that your wife is having an affair with this supposed "friend" of yours. What kind of friend kisses someone else's wife? He's a pig.

Your wife is lying to you. Doesn't matter if it's a PA or EA...they are as equally damaging.

I have a friend (well, she's not really my friend anymore because she enabled my affair) who left her husband and kids and got Affairaged. About 4 years into her Affairage, she had an EA with an old boyfriend. She admitted if she could go back, she would not have married her AP. It's a nasty cycle.

You have to put the fear of God into your wife about what she's about to lose. Listen and follow the advice of the vets on here. She is talking foggy.

Good Luck!
CT

Yeah....until your wife gets her own little nest.

Women do not move out of their family home to be alone.

If she did not fully intend on setting up a new love-nest, she would be kicking YOU out of the house...and she would remain home with her children.

The fact that she wants you to stay home with the kids with her leaving means that she has this off-kilter sense of justice/balance. She wants her kids home to remain stable.
She thinks she can just pull herself out of the equation and everything will be fine for them. She thinks she will still come by and participate in the family -- but also have her seperate life with OM.

Yeah, you could do that. But then she would buy a reloadable affair phone and you'd lose that information. Don't do this right now.

ALSO: Do NOT tell your wife about this site. Say NOTHING about Marriage Builders. We get a lot of betrayed spouses on here who get the idea that they can show this site to their wayward and educate them about what they're doing. That DOESN'T WORK. You can't educate an active wayward. We have a lot of tools and information on this site for blowing up affairs. If your WW sees those she'll know what you may be doing to kill this affair.

I would also suggest you change your posting name if it is similar at all to your real name. Please don't give us personal info that will identify you. If *edit* is your real name, anyone who knows you can google your name and this thread could come up. You don't want that.

Name is changed! I don't think her friend is lying to me. Me and her are good friends also and she approached me. She lost her marriage to a cheating husband and hates it. If my wife leaves she will loose her and many others as friends. Her and my best friend both told her how stupid she's acting and needs to put her head on straight. She did not take that news well.

My wife knows about this site. My sister sent both of us an email with the link to it. I doubt she will visit though.

I guess if she decides to move out. She can pay her own vehicle insurance and do her at home day are job at that house also. I will change locks at that time also, don't need her coming in when I'm not home. Where can I buy a recorder? I've got one he'll of a temper. I can be as mean as need be.

I guess I need to get searching and see if I can set up a phone call with the harleys

OK SM (didnt want to call you stupid lol), you may THINK she is not but it would be best to VERIFY for yourself! Make sure also during this time you practice your own EP's (extraordinary precautions) to prevent you from doing a RA (revenge affair).

MNG

Edit to add tha you can get a VAR (voice activated recorder from radio shack .. or future shop .. best buy, etc. Pretty much any major electronics store.

If this is true then you need to get your friends to ramp up the pressure and let your wife know flat out that she will lose their friendship forever if she continues on this path

Radio Shack

You can stop this from ever happening if you do what you've been told here. As someone above mentioned, you've got the best MB warriors in your corner. Listen, and do what they say, and she won't be going anywhere.

Also (not sure if you should or not though) possibly stop paying her phone bill and slap a keylogger on your home PC. This may force her to continue her contact with OM where you can catch it. Then keep and store what you find in a safe place thats not on the PC. In fact .. putting a keylogger on the home PC is probably a great idea anyhow .. she will get sloppy and you will get teh goods.

Be james bond ... Calm .. cool .. and collective.

MNG

And go to the OMs Facebook page and copy and paste all his contacts into a word doc for safekeeping.

She is rarely on computer, phone all the time. I will look up keylogger and see about that but I'm not good with computers.

I want to see those texts! Her main thing is to drive around town and talk on phone. VAR should catch about everything.

I will call Harleys in a few minutes and get a phone appointment.

If you can get her phone when she is sleeping and put some spyware on it to send you copies of the texts to a secret email you would have her texts! Alot of keylogger sites have the option for phone spyware too .. check out the spying section of the forum for some ideas.

MNG

He said they have iPhone 3G. It will be very hard to install spyware in an iPhone. The best he will get is a GPS tracker for it unless it's jailbroken.

AHh .. i didnt know that .. i figured it was fairly simple to put spyware on all the new style phones as the old style phones dont have the capacity or the know how to understand such programs ..

good to know! thx!

The good thing is he can pull texts from an iPhone once she backs it up on the computer. There is software you can download to open the back up files.

How about a sim card reader?

The iPhone Recovery Stick takes the form of a USB data stick: users first connect the target iPhone via USB, then pop the iPhone Recovery Stick into another available USB port. The included software then proceeds to scan the iPhone for recoverable data; depending on the state of the iPhone, the process can take anywhere from 15 minutes to several hours. However, the type of information that can be recovered is extensive, including call histories, Web browsing history, photos, voice memos, map history, dynamic text data (what the iPhone �learns� to assist with predictive text input), contacts, calendar and appointment information, and (of course) SMS messages.