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Thank you everyone, you're so helpful to hear advice from. Thank God I found this site!
I want to plan A like nobody's business, but the thought of him being with someone else disgusts me to no end.
I had my presumptions but today, finding out for sure? It really made me think, CAN i be with him after knowing this? Don't get me wrong, I would love to save our marriage and be IN LOVE again. But can I get over the fact that he may have had intercourse with another woman? I have never been with another man EVER and as far as I knew I was his only one as well.
Words of encouragement are needed I guess... :'(
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I'm sorry, this is a far stretch for me. I am not used to be deceiptful (sp). I feel awful having to do this. It took me a long time to even buy the var and then even longer to actually put it to use. de�ceit: concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; cheating... Sweetie, your WH is being deceitful, misleading you with his lies. You are trying to discover what's actually true about your marriage. That is being smart, not deceitful. Your WH's deceit is leading him (and you) down a path of misery. Your investigating is not. It's the AFFAIR that is wrong, not your investigation of it. Right! Investigation of the truth is not deceit any more than a surprise party is. Deceipt misleads. - i.e. WH saying, 'Nothing's going on with her' when A LOT is. Plus he fully intends BW to NEVER find out. A wife planning a surprise party says 'I love you, we should do something nice on your b'day' She just doesnt say WHAT - she intends to let him find out though. A BS says: 'I will fight for this marriage becase I love you - I will do whatever it takes'. And thats what she does she just doesnt say HOW. She may present her findings to him, and to everyone else in exposure though! Now that is the truth getting out there, if you are into honesty daisy.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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He let her read a text that i sent him and she is reinforcingto him that I'm horrible. The text that she read out loud was something to the effect of "I'm sorry for what I've done wrong in our marriage, can you say the same?" How does that make me horrible? Daisy, Good work on the VAR. You need to stop giving WH and OW ammunition to paint you as the bad guy. Start to Plan A like a rock star. This means showing him that you will be his best choice in the long run. Show him what a great wife you can be. Send him a text right now saying sorry for the mistakes I have made. I am going to work on becoming the best wife. Love you. And then do it...while you gather info on the identity of this OW and who her own BH is. OW BH is going to be your best ally in helping to kill this A. Your WH probably will not check for snooping devices while you are being so nice in your Plan A. You can do this.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Thank you everyone, you're so helpful to hear advice from. Thank God I found this site!
I want to plan A like nobody's business, but the thought of him being with someone else disgusts me to no end.
I had my presumptions but today, finding out for sure? It really made me think, CAN i be with him after knowing this? Don't get me wrong, I would love to save our marriage and be IN LOVE again. But can I get over the fact that he may have had intercourse with another woman? I have never been with another man EVER and as far as I knew I was his only one as well.
Words of encouragement are needed I guess... :'( Daisy, you can do this if you want it. My wife and I had never had sex with anyone else until she had two affairs. We are nearly recovered and almost 4 years into it (we got a late start here!). She has transformed into the most amazing woman I know. You husband can transfer into an amazing man too. It is possible, but you won't know until you try. CV
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Wow!
How do you guys do it?
You're so insightful and uplifting.
Thank you so much for all your kind words <3
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Thank you everyone, you're so helpful to hear advice from. Thank God I found this site!
I want to plan A like nobody's business, but the thought of him being with someone else disgusts me to no end.
I had my presumptions but today, finding out for sure? It really made me think, CAN i be with him after knowing this? Don't get me wrong, I would love to save our marriage and be IN LOVE again. But can I get over the fact that he may have had intercourse with another woman? I have never been with another man EVER and as far as I knew I was his only one as well.
Words of encouragement are needed I guess... :'( That sounds like the usual reaction Daisy. Feelings change daily, so watch for that. Your feelings will be very dependent on how much work he does to make you feel safe, loved and chosen.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Wow!
How do you guys do it?
You're so insightful and uplifting.
Thank you so much for all your kind words <3 Unfortunately we can do it because we have been in your shoes. You are welcome
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NEWSFLASH!!!
Just got a text from H.
He is asking me if we can start fresh!
WHAT!???!!!
Is he trying to drive me crazy?
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Wow!
How do you guys do it?
You're so insightful and uplifting.
Thank you so much for all your kind words <3 Daisy, you CAN do this! You need to be like JAMES BOND and don't show your cards. You have a huge strategic advantage here if you can control your emotions. If you let on that you know about this conversation you will forever lose the ability to find out who she is. You have enough information to just send them further underground but not enough to kill the affair. We need you to BE QUIET and find out who she is. If you can do that, we can help you blow this baby sky high and save your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wow!
How do you guys do it?
You're so insightful and uplifting.
Thank you so much for all your kind words <3 Daisy, you CAN do this! You need to be like JAMES BOND and don't show your cards. You have a huge strategic advantage here if you can control your emotions. If you let on that you know about this conversation you will forever lose the ability to find out who she is. You have enough information to just send them further underground but not enough to kill the affair. We need you to BE QUIET and find out who she is. If you can do that, we can help you blow this baby sky high and save your marriage. I seriously can't thank you guys enough! What exactly happens when an A goes underground? How can they be even more secretive? I'm confused.
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Secret affair phones, secret email accounts, etc
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Secret affair phones, secret email accounts, etc I think THIS is what is already happening anyway. I will look into the gps (not thrilled about a monthly fee, may have to find a friend that will sign up for it so I dont have a "paper trail") So if the A is underground wouldn't the gps take care of that anyway? or a PI?
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Daisy,
I would caution you on your plan A including SF. You don't need an STD.
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Daisy,
I would caution you on your plan A including SF. You don't need an STD. I have thought about this...  He actually tried being intimate with me last night and I turned him down. Which got him extremely angry. What do you do about this? (btw now that I think about it what does SF stand for? I was just assuming Sexual Affair. please excuse my ignorance)
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oh, and is there a way to tell if he's spying on what I do on our computer? I've been too afraid to visit this site in case he finds out. here's a good link to find out if a keylogger is installed: http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070928020553AASra1LYou are plan a-ing him, right? In addition to what the others have said, I also would recommend that if he has a facebook, you start posting stuff on his facebook page. Stuff you know she will see. Like "had a great night with you hun. You were so sexy". Thanks for the link. Unfortunately, this seems too high tech for me. I'd be afraid that I'd mess up some important file on our computer or something.
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Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Oh yes, yes, SF (sorry) still have to memorize all the abbreviations  I printed out the questionaires but he never filled them out for me. I do know, however, that sex is way up there on his list. THAT is why I'm concerned about this A. But what do I do if he is having intercourse or other sexual contact with her? If I remove sex completely from OUR relationship it will only justify the A for him.
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You can torment him with lingerie and talk about how much sex you could be having WHEN he ends his A for good.
You only have to express willingness to meet needs
and imo - men like to chase peek-a-boo stuff.
If you do meet SF - use a condom. And leave your pants in his car or something where she can find em.
If he gets angry about refusals its working. Or, just laugh and say he wont be angry once he ends his A and you are both doing (something he has always wanted to do/old favourite) His reactions are beside the point.
Interrupt his fog babble one time, look deep into his eyes and say 'God you are so hot. I dont know how I am going to control myself until this A is over and I can have you'
etc.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Or you could just leave panties in the car witout meeting SF where she would sit
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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