Your job isn't to figure out your WW or her actions. Nothing will make sense to you. Your job is to learn plan A and execute it.

Have a question that just popped in my mind, perhaps if there are any FWWs (or anyone that experienced this), they could offer some thoughts.

A few weeks back we went out for dinner for DD's birthday, the whole family, I sat next to WW and it was just like old times. My wife was wearing a new sweater, she looked absolutely beautiful and I complimented her. She said she had bought the sweater a short time ago when her and DD were shopping. She had never worn this sweater for me before.

Now I had gone out and bought some new sweaters and shirts to wear when I was around her, something nice that she had never seen me in before.

Now I'm not implying whatsoever that she bought this sweater weeks earlier for my benefit, but the bottom line is, she never before wore this new sweater around me.

So my question is: is it possible my WW wore this new sweater to look nice for me? Much like I did? Would a WW do that for her BS?

I'm going to answer with this: it's just a sweater. If you don't see her much, don't chalk it up as her trying to impress you. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Don't read into it. Do you. Be you. That's all you can do.

Good advice. I know I asked these questions after Dday and the answer was "I bought them for myself". It's aprt of the wayward selfishness, but who knows really....

CV

Ok, I need to vent once again, sorry.

I have to say I get tired of hearing about neglect. While it's a very legitimate concern and happens alot, it needs to be discussed with your husband if it's a problem. We cannot read your mind.

Was it neglect that I got her coffee every morning for as long as I could remember? Was it neglect that I got the kids up every morning for the past 17 years, got them breakfast, off to school, so she could sleep in an extra half hour, then she'd just get ready and head to work? Was it neglect that I would get up at 3am every night to test our son when he was younger (he's type 1 diabetic)? Was it neglect that I always gave her backrubs? Footrubs? Massages? Was it neglect that I cooked 90% of the time? Was it neglect that I helped out with the cleaning? Was it neglect that I helped out with the laundry? Was it neglect that I would buy her little things she liked when I went shopping? This in addition to saying I love you and showing affection?

Obviously I wasn't doing enough of something in order to warrant her A, and I take responsibility for any neglect I may have caused. But when you're doing things like that for your wife because you love her, then I guess it may be easy to overlook something you're not focusing on enough. But she HAS to tell you. How else can you know in order to correct it?

Note: I take full responsibility for anything that I didn't do in our marriage, not trying to avoid that by any means.

I noticed in my last post that I had a lot of "I's" in it, and no "we's" in it as I wrote what I was doing in the M. I don't know if that was appropriate or not.

Unfortunately you did not meet an important need of hers. Like me, you probably didn't keep score, but I guarantee that she did! My wife didn't give me an opportunity to fix or work on things either. Not communicating needs is bad for the spouse that doesn't know what they're doing wrong. You put a lot of work in areas that your wife just didn't have as a top need.

You're absolutely right! Man, it helps to have someone else point out the obvious.

I need to find that list of ENs, so I can determine how to meet them while separated. Melody did mention conversation, I do remember that and I'm working to initiate more of that with W.

Tired right now. Not physically or mentally, just emotionally drained. Guess the roller coaster is getting to me. Some days better than others.

I'm going to go back and re-read my thread. Got some good advice and positive reinforcement throughout. Made lots of notes off GJM and others threads. Will read those.

Will be giving Plan A my best effort, even though we are separated. WW has not been over to the house since the Thursday before last to pick up and drop off DD. We'll see if any of my attempts to communicate with WW has any success. We can sometimes get off on conversations spinning off something to do with the kids, but they're short lived.

I will ultimately just have to wait and see if the A dies on its own. I don't like doing that because I feel it shows her I don't care, or allows her more time to get dug in. I guess it's just an unfortunate side effect of my particular situation.

Hang in there SW! The more you learn about what you can do to help your
marriage, the more frustrating it can be because you won't be able to implement what you've learned. I know that's the case for me. I wish I could put what I've learned in place, but I have to wait.

So sad not to hear anything from WW. I mentioned to her on Friday I was in a football pool. Was at least hoping for a "how did you do in the pool?"

Guess I know where I rank.

I know how you feel. I have to initiate ALL contact. You need to do the same.

Thanks GJM. I appreciate the advice - it helps me remember what I need to do.

I just remembered - no expectations.

Don't forget to go back through the site to look up ENs. Buy His Needs Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. I've read through them and I feel like I'm ready to do what I need to for my marriage to be successful. One day I hope to use the tools given to me.

Thanks, will do.

Rented Paranormal Activity 3. Texted my wife that were watching and we had some back and forth texting. It was nice that she got back to me and that we at least chatted a little via texting. Not that it meant anyting.

Maybe not to you, but to a woman it means at least a little something.

Wow, she actually texted me "Ok....going to bed...good night". She hasn't said good night to me in over 2 months.

You're on to something here....keep texting like I told you

Actually, her good night text was just the last thing she texted me, so may have been her way of ending the conversation. But still, her saying that felt nice. I did reply back good night to her.

I'm just thinking I need to take this slow. I don't want to keep texting her multiple times a day. Then she will suspect something, or that I'm needy - looking for attention from her. I'm just going to take it slow. Maybe only text every other day or so, unless something really interesting comes up. I'm hoping that at some point maybe she will initiate a text on her own if I open up to her.

Perhaps some people can give me some feedback on how to ease back into initiating contact.

No expectations....

Just speculating here. When I texted my WW last night that we were watching a movie, she texted back that she had rented and was finishing up a movie. She had texted back a couple times with 'lol' at the end. So she was in a good mood. I mentioned to DD that mom must have had a few glasses of wine. DD replied that grandma was over there cause she had texted mom earlier and she had replied back that grandma was over there. And I know when those two get together they like to have a few glasses of wine.

So this once again gets me speculating whether WW spent super bowl Sunday with OM? The game lasted until later in the evening, and to watch a movie after that? It would be bad if OM was over at WW's apartment and the MIL there also! So I really wonder whether my wife was with OM yesterday for the game?

I would think she would have been at a super bowl party at the minimum. But DD said WW was with her mom yesterday. This made me recall several weeks ago when it was apparent that MIL was with WW for the NFL playoff game. Recall that WW spent the entire NFL season at parties or bars with her 'friends'. So this is very odd behavior.

Little things like this really have me wondering the status of my wife and OM? WW did text at the very end of the night that she was going to bed. My MIL is single and lives alone, and I know that my wife and her spend a lot of time together as such. I know that MIL stays at WW's apartment overnight at times. So it's possible WW and MIL spent yesterday, had some wines, watched the game and movie, then MIL stayed overnight. That seems to fit together.

Thanks for letting me have a place to speculate. I know this doesn't change anything, but it helps me get stuff off my chest. Because at this point, it is important to me what the status of the A is.