1) the POSOM is not married.

But he has people of some sort, his children, customers who should be exposed to.

2) the POSOM is a co-owner of a business.....While I do not know his financial status,

Did you expose to his partner, or threaten a lawsuit, also chances are resonable this guy is dishonest financially as well, you could phone in a "tip" to the IRS or state tax authorities. Lots of guys overstate their wealth to get women.

God Bless
Gamma

I hear ya.

I think right now my most 'bang for the buck' will be to try and talk to the OM's ex-wife. If I can do that, I may find out something that could give me an edge.

SW,
You've been saying that for a few weeks now. Have you found anything new to contact her?

LOL, I know. I do have her address which was updated last October. I just need to drive around and find it. Not showing up well on Google Maps. Not sure how to find her phone number based only on address.

Gamma, good ideas. His partner is his brother, there may be others, not sure how to find out. Problem with the red-neck party type, which is what there tends to be in this area, is they could care-less what their brother is doing.

Now the looking into his business is intriguing. Being a small private business, there's not a whole lot available publicly. I have looked some.

Was wondering if anyone else experienced a time when their separated spouse suddenly was more reluctant to come back home to visit kids, etc. My WW would at least stop by the house to visit with the kids for a half hour our so several times per week. Now that seems to have stopped. This Thursday will be two weeks since she has been over. She texts and calls the kids, but she won't come over. DD stays at her place once a week, but DS has not physically seen her in almost 2 weeks.

I invited her over to watch the super bowl, but she said no thanks, she would be uncomfortable. So for the past 2 months she was ok stopping by (often times when I wasn't here), but now suddenly she's uncomfortable. Tomorrow night is my birthday and DD told wife that we were all going out to eat. My wife told her ok, but we're going out to eat. In other words, she did not want to come over.

Both times it would have been just the 4 of us.

Has anyone experienced this with their WS?

Just spit-balling here, but it seems the longer she's removed from your home the more it becomes the "enemy's" turf. This is why I suggested Super Bowl at another location to get her to let her guard down a little.

Okay, just what have you done to attack this from the OM side of things? I hear excuses, but that's not gonna help you. You need some action. I'm going to say something that's probably gonna hurt, but it needs to be said.......

Right now, you are looking like nothing more than a big-assed WIMP to your wife right now. She is rolling all over you and you are letting her. Oh, the OM is probably laughing his [censored] off at you as well. He's easily boffing your wife and you are doing absolutely NOTHING to stop him!!

Look, I know you're hurting. I've been there; I know the pain. But I'm going to tell you one thing right now; if you don't start taking some serious action right now, the pain of this affair is gonna pale by comparison down the road to the pain you'll feel because of YOUR inaction to stand tall and stand proud.

It's time for you to man up. I want to hear some serious clank clank from you. I'll know it when I hear and feel it. All I hear now is the sound of a one handed clap.

SW1963,

So sorry to hear how she has abandoned her children, but in a sense that may be a good indicator, it sounds like OM is a controlling [censored] who will be getting progressively worse and worse in his treatment of your WW. Hopefully your WW is getting closer to the breaking point with OM where she will see him for what he is, or OM will start "cheating" on your WW. You might want to find out if he is a catch and release kind of OM.

God Bless
Gamma

TW, I hear you, but I have absolutely no idea what I can do to this guy and it frustrates the HELL out of me. The guy is not married, I have no one to expose to. My wife and him go party with his brother and his wife. They are not going to give one crap that I come to them telling them that I want to save my marriage.

I want to clank-clank, but I have nothing to clank with at this point. Like Melody mentioned earlier in my thread, additional exposure at this point will probably not help. If I had a silver bullet like OMW, then it would.

If anyone out there has any experience with a WW that ran off with a single or divorced guy, let me know. Everyone so far has had a OMW or OWH to expose to. I need help in this kind of situation.

They own their own family business, so exposure there is no good. I'm not even sure whether OM has living parents.

A good source of information may be his ex-wife. I need to try and track her down this weekend. I don't have a phone number, only an address. I plan on doing this. I can hopefully find out more information about his family from her.

Gamma, she hasn't abandoned the kids totally. She still texts and calls them. Sees DD once a week. But definitely is not making the effort to see DS. Each week is a little different in how she contacts them or sees them. But there is a definite beginning trend of her avoiding the house.

Interesting thought that OM might be controlling.

You can get IN HIS FACE and let him know that YOU are going to make his life a living HELL! I'm so pissed at you right now I can hardly stand it.

Okay, I'm not advocating violence here (NOT at all), but you need to face this SOB straight up and lay it out for him. Like I said earlier, take some nasty friends with you for HIS protection..and yours as well. Get in his face and fight for your wife! What part of this are you not getting????

Don't do anything stupid though. I did, and went to jail for a couple of days. You know what though???

I'd do it again in a nanosecond if it were my wife and family I was losing, but that's just me.

If I wasn't a Marine and held to a higher standard, I would have been physical too, but you have children and don't want to do anything to lose them. I had those same thoughts. I'm a martial arts instructor and I grew up fighting in gangs, but that's not the MB way. It's not the mature thing to do. Words never killed anyone though!

I love the old dead guys... Edmund Burke, an Irish Statesman said this:

All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing...

Today is my birthday and as it stands, we're all going out to eat tonight. DD was talking with WW last night and apparently WW had tentative plans to go out with a girlfriend tonight. Sounds like WW changed her plans at DD's request to go with us.

We'll see how tonight goes. I know I need to be cheery and I will do my best. It's going to be hard. This is the first time in 26 years that my wife hasn't 'been there' for my birthday. It's going to be hard I can tell, it's only morning and I'm having problems with this day already.

I know this post isn't conducive to anything. I just need a place to let my feelings out, that's all. I really feel lost right now. This whole separation is hard on me. I feel like I need to just step away from everything for awhile. No Plan anything.

SW,

Happy Birthday! It's good that your W is going with you. Put your best charm on. The day is about you, but share it with her. Make her feel important too. Remember, no plan equals no action which means no results. You have all day to pull your self together. Find stuff to talk about because things may go silent. Get a haircut. Wear clothes she hasn't seen you in or it's been a while since she's seen you in them, but their her favorites. Smell nice. You can do this! You will do this! It's a chance to open some doors. Take advantage of the opportunity.

Thanks GJM!

My W texted me happy birthday (no exclamation mark, but a happy birthday nonetheless), and asked if we could meet for dinner at 5:30 instead of 6:30. Where we're eating is near her work, so she said she could just meet us there. I replied back thanking her and suggesting we meet later, give her more time after work to get ready. Plus said kids snack after school and they may not be hungry earlier.

I hope I didn't LB by suggesting a different time. 5:30 is kind of early for everyone. I can't go back now and say, well, 5:30 is ok, Ill tell the kids not to snack, cause then I'd be waffling back and forth and not sticking to my suggestion. Guess I will wait and see what she replies.

Interesting how this wouldn't be an issue in the past, but now I look everything over with a fine tooth comb to make sure I'm doing the absolute right thing.

I thought she had a hidden motive. She replied "I had promised my gf Kim I would meet her later....so I thought if we met earlier I could still see her later."

Everyone, this is my birthday, it comes around once a year (that's what my DD said to her last night). So my WW makes plans on my birthday.

It won't even be enjoyable tonight. It's just something rushed so she can get it over with and go meet her GF.

I'm VERY tempted to just reply "That's ok, you go ahead with Kim, the kids and I will go out."

I'm very serious about this. I can tell you that everyone in my family and her BILs would slam me alongside the head if I gave in to her. I mean come on, she can't set aside this one night for me and the kids.

Do it
All the more reason to do it. Show her that you and the kids will be just fine without her.

And do have fun. Set all this crap aside for one night and have fun. You DO deserve it.

Problem you don't know if WW is still seeing the OM with her living out of the home.

Problem is WW is using her GF Kim as an excuse to hide she has plans to meet with the OM.

Problem for WW is she could not find away to tell DD no so she relented and said to DD she would come.

Then used the can we meet earlier to get you thinking about all of these things, get mad, blow your top, damage your plan A, justify her being a WW.

I think what you have done was the best way to respond.

We don't know WW real intentions/motives. Guessing and we can guess wrong. So the best course is that you said to WW that moving up will not be good for the kids because of the after school snacks.

If anything Kim should understand that family has to come first. Though you can't say this to WW.

So just stay calm. Use this as a way to plan A. Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti did not make any of his statues with one blow of his hammer onto his chisel. You justa keepa chiselin'.

She replied "but I can cancel again....its a group of girls that get together once a month...this month it was all u can eat shrimp at twos company....of course I woouldn't b eating shrimp....but would visit instead."

I replied "6:30 worked out when I asked the kids last night, and by the time I get out of work and all. We'd love to have you there."