I need to understand the mechanics of marriage. I need to work on not love busting. Impress her that I'm going to be an expert husband.

She just blew up again, when she came to get the kids. She is twisting everything I say around. All I want is for him to never be around my kids, they shouldn't have to be around or hear about him! She is so pissed at me for telling the kids about him. She says that nobody should have known about him, that should have been kept between us only! She says she still would have asked for divorce even without him being involved. I keep saying that's a lie!

I just hope she will reed the basic concepts and continue counseling!

From this point on I'm going to be Mr Nice Guy and do whatever it takes to be nice around her.

She's really gonna flip out if she decides to take money out of our account and realizes I paid all bills online and drained it! I got a new account also and will change my direct deposit on Monday. I'm not giving her any money but I'm paying for the stuff the kids need, school lunches, haircuts etc

Thats right! You should just focus on being nice and not fighting with her. Let her know that since her affair affects everyone, that everyone should know. You won't be keeping it a secret!

How much are billboards in your town?

B-E-A-utiful SM. You've done some SERIOUS damage here. So now you are seeing the benefit of exposure. Her love story has now become a criminal offense to all her friends and family. It's no longer a love story as she's painted it in her foggy mind. It's been reduced to what it really is; sleazy, deceitful and immoral. It's not so romantic now.


LOL. I almost suggested this to someone recently. How much do they cost anyway?

This is StupidMe I told Steve my screen name on the phone the other day and she was in the room. I changed my name just in case.

I can't stop the affair and I know it has gotten more serious since she moved out. My kids are not around him, I did get that stopped.

She came over tonight and she wants a divorce right now! The only thing stopping her is she wants to do an online divorce and we be nice and agree on everything. I told her if she wants a divorce now it won't be nice. We were nice when we were talking.

What do I do now?

SC, you need to calm down. This is a very normal, very prescribed response to having her little fantasy world blown slap apart nuclear style. It's still early into exposure, so don't go off half cocked thinking the worse and that it's all over. Nothing could be further from the truth. She's still reeling over the magnitude of all this.

I wouldn't bet on this. On the surface it may seem that way, but there are some serious undercurrents that are starting to have an impact. And this is a direct result of your actions.

Perfect. Lay it out neatly and precisely that you will NOT roll over for her comfort. Inform her firmly that if this is the course of action she intends to pursue then you will fight with all you have in you. Make it clear it will NOT be an easy out for her. Then offer her to make her favorite dinner.

What about the OM. Ever thought of getting in his wimpy little face? I'm gonna go back and read some more about what you have done there, but that side may need to be attacked more. I tend to get threads mixed up and forget who has done what. Well, except one.

First off, retain a lawyer and talk about your options.

If I were you, I would really consider going ahead and filing first. I know you don't want to. I wish I had.

The biggest reason is then you have control; of the timetable. She is reacting to your moves, not the other way. You control how fast or slow it goes, not her. Also, it would be another thing she didn't plan on, it won't fit neatly into her fantasy script.

I would really consider it.

I come from a nasty fighting back ground. I'm very good at fighting and been in jail a few times for it in my younger years. The OM is about6'5" and I know it will be a fight to the death if that happens. I need to stay away from him, it won't be good. I can't go to jail. I need to be nice for my kids, even though my 13 year old wants it.

I told her I've done zero healing and need time before I file for divorce. She doesn't want to be around me at all. I'm starting to think 100% ignore and zero contact.

I know she is worried to death about bills and how her as a single mom can make it on her own without child support.

The lawyer I will use is family so that's taken care of. I've already talked to him. He's known as the best lawyer in this area for divorce. I told her I wouldn't do that so I'd rather not file right now.

She did tell me she has feelings for him but didn't think he was someone that she could see herself with.

Okay, fair enough on FTF confrontation. But you say it's a small town. Are you getting no feedback from the "other side" at all though other channels? That seems unusual. It would seem to me that a town that small is just jumping at a chance to stir the pot a little.

I tend to agree with Herb here. You're in control again, and she doesn't like it. I would file on grounds of adultery, let her know that OM will be called to the witness stand and anyone else that can provide proof. A town this small should ramp up the pressure just a bit. Now, this doesn't mean you have to go through with it, but it WILL show her, and the POS, that you mean business. You can fight like hell without ever having thrown a punch. (BTW, I was never advocating physically fighting)

BTW, what state do you live in?

She's throwing you a bone to keep you on the hook (sorry about that metaphor-mixing thing, there ) She wants you both. Don't assume she's going to eventually end it with OM because she can't 'see herself' with him.

I'm getting some info from the other side but there isn't much to be told. With me exposing everything she has lost everyone as friend except for him. She is embaressed to go out in public. She won't go into grocery store because everyone is talking. She just had knee surgery and is on crutches so she isn't moving around much. She drives a burnt orange H2 so everyone sees everything she does. I'm texted lots about where her vehicle is.

I live in Kansas.

I can't be alone with him or it will happen. I know I'll snap!

I understand completely. Been there, done that. I'm not violent by nature, but on that one night, I was extremely violent. Went to jail for a couple of days, but to this day, I don't regret it. That being said, I'm not at all proud of it either. I stood tall (the way I saw it then) and I won't apologize for fighting for what I thought was mine. Unfortunately, upon further review, I realized I was a big part of the reason why this happened. NOT a very good revelation.

Okay, stay the course for now. Miss Bliss is right; she's throwing you a bone to pacify you and hopefully stop you from inflicting further damage on her little fantasy and reputation. A bit late for that bone.

Make her choices difficult

I need direction, I have no clue what the coarse is now?

How would filing for divorce save my marriage?

If my 4 year old starts talking about stuff uncle David did this week, I'm going to file and be the nastiest I can be. I don't think that'll save my marriage but end it quicker then anything. I'd rather be divorced then have my kids around him!

Uh, Uncle David? Are you related to the guy your WW is messing around with, or is just the "friend" that is considered as an uncle?

My wife baby sits his neice and nephew, they call him uncle David so my boy does too.

You do nothing but a stellar Plan A. You don't file for divorce. You make her file and do all the hard work. If she does file, then you also get a lawyer. If she has moved out, then make sure she has no access to your money, and your children stay in their home. Let her fend for herself with finances.

Counterfile on Adultery and seek full custody for your kids with her paying you child support.

Until she files ... you Plan A like a rock star.

These are the only words you stay to her ..."I don't talk divorce, I only talk marriage, would you like mashed or whipped potatoes with steak on Saturday?"

Repeat ... repeat ... repeat

I have switched banks. Current checking account is drained.

She moved out a couple weeks ago. She has 11, and 4 year old every other week. I'm keeping 13 year old full time.

Dang hard to Plan A with her moved out and will speak to me very little.

I really think we are past plan A at this point. I spent some time already and can be in a full Plan B in one day. I really think she needs to miss me at this point. Plus I'm starting to get sick of seeing her right now. My sadness about affair kids her moving is starting to turn into pure anger.