In my opinion, plan b is largely misunderstood in this regard:

One of the chief reasons for plan b is to hold on to a shred of desire to reconcile if the WS decides to pull their head out of you know where.

If you do want to reconcile still but are nearing the point of saying F it, then you need to go into plan b pronto.

A stellar plan a has it's limits.

I still stand by my suggestions of filing first, even if you want to reconcile. The process moves along at your pace. She still knows your requirements and that you will end it at any time if she meets them.

I think she has those very hidden deep feelings that maybe it could work out but feels it's to far gone. She is so stubborn it's unreal, actually we both are. I'd still like to save it at this point. As long as she is involved with OM it can never work out!

The adultery will die ... It will ...

Work on you to be the best you can be ... "shescrazy" the goal of your Plan A is to look at "Iamimperfect"

What are you doing today to be the man that is irresistible to her?

Plan A like a rock star no matter how much she resists ... Plan A for you ... What kind of husband do you want to be for her or in the worse case scenario ... a new wife

GO DO IT!!!!

I have lost 20 lbs since January 29th! I've started working out, my body should be ripped in 6 weeks. She loved my body when we got together. I've got a new hair style, more in style then what I've had. I've bought a few new in style cloths. I've been doing fun stuff with the kids on my weeks. I have big plans Saturday and have been giving 13 and 11 year olds hints. It has them both going crazy and guessing what we are doing. WW knows about me having big plans buy she doesn't know what it is, she has text me a couple times asking.

Plan A = invite her along.


"she did tell me she has feelings for him but didn't think he was someone that she could see herself with." As a FWW, I can tell you that this is a straight out lie. She's trying to ease you into believing that OM has nothing to do with it. And she knows you are hyper-focused on their affair, and wants to divert your attention away from it.

I'm not sure I can invite her along right now! I'm so sick of her and her crap I can't hardly stand it!

She says her main goal is for the kids to be happy. I think she's lying to herself and everyone else! If that's what she wanted she wouldn't be doing this affair, she would end it and start focusing on her family!

It is time to do ACTION then on your BIG plans. When my WH's adultery started I was constantly telling him what I was doing ... losing weight, stopping my anger, having a better kept home, etc.

He refused to believe me ... he refused to see the changes ... until one day when Plan B was broke and I stepped out and all my "Words" turned into "Actions" for him. The first words out of his mouth? How much weight have you lost ... so I see you have a cleaning lady ... Your job pays you that much?

I accomplished all his grievances and then some ... MAKE THE ACTIONS HAPPEN.

How Can you be IRRESISTIBLE TO HER? MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!

All of you make this sound so easy! It's almost impossible when she will have nothing to do with me. One of you says the affair will deminish itself and others say it won't stop. Who do I believe?

There are no guarantees either way.

All you control is what you do. Nothing else.

Don't let yourself get too far gone to recover.

Really, all you can do is what is right for YOU at this juncture.
No one knows how it will shake out for your marriage in the end.

The right thing for you right now is to
be your best self.

To show yourself you can, in the worse of circumstances, rise above the heartache and do good deeds. Be kind. Be firm. Be open to potentially saving the marriage and yet do not take crumbs. All while being someone who does not resort to
angry outbursts
disrespectful judgements
selfish demands (telling her the other person needs to go is not selfish, its a fact)

You do all this for you.
It allows for her to get her head together but doesn't guarantee she ever will.

In the future, you will look back at how you handled this mess either way and you want to be able to say you have self respect and strength and were able to rise above the hurt it was causing while doing your duty as a good spouse and parent.

When this is done no matter how it turns out, I'll be able to look my kids in the eye and tell them I tried my best to save it.

Yes, you will.

This isn't easy ... it is the hardest darn thing on the planet. I am here to tell you it gets easier. I am 18 months out from the adultery starting and 16 months out from Dday ... ceasing all contact with my WH has made it get easier.

I give you advice based on where I am at today because the goal is to get you healed enough to be in a good place. The irony is you are healed enough to either save your marriage or get divorced.

Recovering a marriage is as hard as getting divorced. No matter what you have to make the changes in order to grow yourself.

The key to adultery is to understand what lead up to the adultery. Horrific boundaries around the opposite sex causes adultery ... many times the marriage was fragile before they crossed their boundary mark.

What can you do to be a great husband "NO MATTER WHAT TODAY"?

That is where you want to strive in your personal recovery. It is hard to have your entire world shatter, break into pieces, and fully grasp your spouse is the one who dropped the nuclear bomb.

As reading stated we cannot change the destruction they caused ... all we can do is clean it up better so a bomb never goes off again.

I suggest you work on your Plan A and look at yourself ... are you the best darn person you can be today?

I agree about hardest thing on planet. My parents got in a car wreck Oct 7. We weren't sure my dad was going to make it. He finally came home Feb1 and is barely moving around in with a walker.

This is 10 times worse then the first 2 weeks after that wreck was, it's just unreal.

I know what you mean. I had a brother commit suicide during the time my divorce was happening. As bad as it was, it did not even register when compared to what The rejection by my wife caused me to feel.

Agree with you all...my mother passed away when I was 16. As devastating as that was, the affair was far worse and so much more turbulent. I truly almost lost my marbles. Probably because it was intentional?

That is how I hear people talk about it. Deaths do not hit as hard as infidelity because the deaths were not intentional.

I've been reading tons about exposing and ending the affair. I have a plan!!!

I need your opinions!!!


When my 4 year old comes to my house Friday night and I ask him if uncle David was there and if he says yes. I start world war 3!

I tell my wife she knew what would happen if he was there. I tell her I'm doing this because I care about my family! I tell her I know the best thing for my family is us to be in love and have happy children. I love her and I know whats best. I will not divorce her while she is with him.

After that I tell her she has to choices.

Choice 1

She ends everything with him NOW! She ends everything 100% and she moves back and we work on the Marriage Builders Program. We have open everything. We both have each others passwords to facebook, phone, email, etc. I will not divorce you while you have feelings for him, if you want divorce now it will be WAR. We don't have to sleep in the same bed. We will be together as a family> We will work on marriage builders together. We will spend time together talking and discussing everything. 100% honesty will happen. If she still hates me in a year, she can have her easy divorce.

Choice 2

She keeps seeing him! I file divorce because of adultery. I tell all of her daycare parents the truth about her having an affair! Who wants their kid to be watched by someone with zero morals. She will loose daycare kids and her job/money. I supena everyone she has ever partied with and has seen stuff happen between them. I'm guessing it will be about 25 people. I will have him supened also and have him tell about his 3 some with him and another guy and girl he was bragging about early this winter and said he had pictures. I drag him through the mud. His dad is in prison for child porn. That looks very bad on him in a town this small. I can ruin him and her in this town! She won't be able to get a job. People without jobs, don't have vehicles, houses, furniture! People that don't have that stuff don't have kids! I hate to say anything about kids because that causes war with her.


Whats every ones thoughts. I have local people telling me NO!

Don't threaten it. Just do it. Don't use blackmail, use the truth.

You need to destroy the affair, not just let it die on its own. 'Cause it won't.

Don't you realize yet that you are at war with her yet?

Threats just cause resentment