True - maybe in a year Skankytown won't be such a trigger. Beau is coming home for a visit in May and DD wants to bring him here to meet the family. She told him not to wear any Skankytown University gear. (College town - gotten a lot of notoriety in the past couple of year) Skank and H went there to tour the field, in fact. BLECH!!!!

I STILL can't get over the irony that new beau is from there. WHY, God, WHY?!!!!!! It is SUCH happenstance. I have never even met anyone from that dang state before and now he comes along and is from the same dern city and everything!!!!!

SF sometimes works for getting back to sleep. lol

I am really annoyed at the moment. My H has to work the next two weekends after working all of this past weekend. It's not usual for him to work weekends at all. They are putting in all this new equipment and phone system and stuff - and need to do it while the office is closed. (He's an engineer.)

It just really hacks me off that this happens now - while I'm on Spring break from classes!

Yes - I'm pouting!


I told H that we need to do a good job of getting in our UA time because no matter what - our marriage needs to remain the priority here.

I don't like weekends without him. Oh - he'll be home at night - he's not out of town or anything like that - I've just become accustomed to our together time during the days. I get lonely - and when I get lonely - I trigger MUCH more easily.

Blech!!!

See, here's where we males (especially ENGINEERING-type males) jump in with suggestions because that's what we would most desire when we present situations as you did.

Having been hammered here too often for just that offense, I'll ASK: Would you like some suggestions on coping mechanisms, or are you satisfied with just being heard?

I want coping mechanisms!!!

Definitely!



Hopefully I haven't hammered you for offering suggestions. lol

I need CAG back... every dang guy here, and every woman's husband is a dad-gum engineer.

Hope something works out for your this weekend, SDiT.

Hopefully I haven't hammered you for offering suggestions. lol

(You're one of the few who has not!)

Anyway, try this one: Fix in your mind WHY DH is doing that, and concentrate on why those reasons should warm you toward his actions, not discourage you.

He's putting in that extra time, even if he's not directly compensated for it, because he is intent on being the best possible employee for his company, which works toward providing a higher level of security for his much-beloved wife and children. It's not like he's going to a WoW convention both weekends, to demonstrate his video-game prowess. He's not even booking a golf (fishing, hunting) weekend. He is doing it as his way of demonstrating his love, care and concern for his family.

(You probably understand why your issue resonates so strongly with me. Guys usually give themselves BIG attaboys for their efforts at providing for their families. Some of us find out that our accomplishments were not as fully appreciated as we thought.)

Now you get an opportunity to demonstrate and practice the MB principle of O&H as well, because of this issue. Tell him how much you miss him when he's as busy as he will be the next few weeks, but understand he will likely miss his family as much, or more, as they miss him. And promise you'll show him how much when your joint schedule permits. (Yeah, that too, but I'm also referring to special culinary efforts, etc.)

A second initiative would be to spend some of the time you would have wanted to be with him, doing something FOR him. Surprise him with it. I once came home from a weekend away officiating, and discovered my bride had wallpapered our bedroom! It was one of those things that had been on our joint to-do list, but she just did it by herself!

Whaddaya think?

Thanks, HHH!!!

Hmmm...I wonder what it is with the engineer connection.

I think you're very wise...

Your post - whether it meant to or not - made me think about him instead of just myself!!! After all, HE's the one that has to do all this work. And what am I doing? Sulking.

You know what's so masterful? You did it in a way that didn't say it straight out and made me come to my self-centered conclusion all on my own. Well done, NG, well done!

I DO appreciate what he does to support our family and I let him know that on occasion, but I really need to step up to the plate here and give him some ADMIRATION for it!

OK: so, I was O&H about my feelings - and I let him know in a non-LBing kind of way. NOW I need to meet his needs...

You're absolutely right about doing some things for him. This past Saturday he was so appreciative of the fact that I made him a special breakfast before he left. And when he got home for dinner I waited on him hand and foot. There was other need-meeting going on as well, I might add.

See - this is why I love this place. I got a much needed perspective change.

THANKS, NG!!!!!!!

PS: I emailed H a note saying how much I appreciate his hard work - and the kids too; that I understand it was he who has to be away from home and put in all the hours.

I got a very positive response back! And...an invite for an evening out.


And to think, I started not to post my cranky post earlier because I knew it was sulky. If I had not...I would still be sitting here as CrankyDinTX instead of SunnyDinTX!

My prof in grad school (psych) had studied engineers in depth. He found that they can be so analytical that they have very little ability to process/deal with feelings. And social skills are often lacking. Perhaps they have trouble verbalizing (or even knowing) what their ENs are, and eventually break down and look to have them met in "fantasy affair-land" since it takes so much less effort than a real relationship?

My dh is an engineer too. Love him, but he even admits that most engineers are socially awkward. His fav joke is "How can you tell you've just met an extroverted engineer? He looks at YOUR shoes while he talks to you". Haha.

HA HA!!!!!! Too funny!!!!
And somewhat true....maybe....
(ducking)

And me....the very NON-engineer, is still trying to wrap my head around those 4 steps. Thinking to myself, "Oh...I got it. Wait...what??? NO...I don't..."

LOL

BUT...I am an excellent student! That's why I'm in the honors program. SO....I just accept it and learn what I can!

Hey, Sunny:

Good to see you're still on track. Love that your turned the whole "woe is me" moment and focused on your FWH.

I am good. We are good. Just had a fabulous trip with our boys, skiing for five days in Canada. Uber expensive, but worth it for the outstanding snow. Fresh powder every day.

The affair didn't come up once! Sure, it still creeps into my head at least once a day (if not more), but nothing like it used to. That is for sure.

Anyway, just wanteed to say hi. I will be posting a little warning about "Smash" on my thread. It's got a horrendous affair plot. Worth avoiding.

Cheers,
SP

YAY!!!! Glad to see you're back!!!

Oh - and as for the expense of the trip and all, SP, you truly can't put a price on memories!

Hey Sunny where in Texas do you live?

Tammy

In the greater Houston area - a little north of the city itself.


Heading out on a little trip today - me and H. Looking forward to it!!!

SDIT, if I can count accurately, this should have been the final "all-work weekend" for your husband. How's your attitude (and EN supply) holding up?

Thanks for checking in, NG!

Actually, it turned out that because an equipment supplier could not get some items to the company in time, H didn't have to work this weekend at all. In fact, he took Friday off and we took a short trip over to see our daughter in college.

SO....I'm holding up good! lol

BUT...that, of course, means he will have to work another weekend. At least we got a break though. I think that's a little easier to take than 3 weekends in a row. We're just hoping it doesn't turn out to be Easter weekend!

Last weekend I made the best of it by doing some things with the boys. I will say that Sunday night (a week ago) was difficult for me because H didn't get home until 4:00 in the morning. As I mentioned upthread, it doesn't bother me if he works late. That was never a condition of the A. What triggers me is just being in bed alone, because that WAS a condition of the A - H not coming to bed.

I think I handled it well though. I was upbeat for H when he called (and was SO tired) and kept myself busy even though I couldn't sleep. So, attitude kept in check and need-meeting all good!

NOW.....where things are still challenging is trying to get H to keep an open mind about DD20's new boyfriend! I tried talking to him about it on the trip but he doesn't seem to be budging at all in terms of at least holding judgment. I think he should at least wait until he meets the guy!