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I'm reading through it multiple times to be sure I have the right procedure.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm reading through it multiple times to be sure I have the right procedure.

Good man!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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So he has 237 friends. Do you mean send a private message to each one?

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
So now it's just questions for me. She has told me that she has been emotionally neglected for so long (which is true) that she has given up on us long before the affair. Does that have any significance here?

I guess what I'm asking is whether all of this is a wasted effort if she has consistently said that she is done and doesn't want to work this out?

lfh, you will have a chance to work on the marriage AFTER you have killed the affair. But if you don't kill the affair, you won't have a chance. Your marriage can be transformed to a happy, romantic marriage and that is our goal here. The plan is to kill the affair and THEN you will be able to fix your marriage. Every thing we are telling you is with that goal in mind. There are no guarantees but this will give you the BEST CHANCE of saving your marriage.

And your wife doesn't know what she wants so don't listen to anything she says. She is an addict so her feelings will change from minute to minute. Notice how she moved in and out? She is very confused. And that is to your advantage. You have a PLAN, she does not!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
So he has 237 friends. Do you mean send a private message to each one?

cull through the list and prioritize his contacts into:

1. family
2. married friends
3. any other important looking people

You won't have time to get to all of them, but do as many as you can in a few hours. Space them out 60 seconds apart, and be sure and change the photo on your facebook to one of you and your wife and your children. All of these people need to be able to see you and contact you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I understand. It just hurts so badly. This morning I told her that I will help her get out of this fog and be there for her but she has to want to. I tried to hug her and tell her that I love her and she just stood there with her arms beside her. No emotion at all! That tears me apart!

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On MY FB? I don't actually have one.

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Expect to get support from some and criticism from others. Don't even let the criticism bother you one bit! You are not doing this to get approval, but to put pressure on the affair. So even if a contact condemns you for exposing, it will still embarrass the OM.

Exposing to the OM's family and friends RUINS your wife's future in that family because it will be much harder for her to show her face in that circle. Many people will look down on her and she knows that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
On MY FB? I don't actually have one.

Go start up a fb page right now. Put your full name and a picture of you, your wife and your children. I don't think you can even send a private message on fb without your own page.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I understand. It just hurts so badly. This morning I told her that I will help her get out of this fog and be there for her but she has to want to. I tried to hug her and tell her that I love her and she just stood there with her arms beside her. No emotion at all! That tears me apart!

This is because she is emotionally invested ELSEWHERE and is high on the fog of an affair. Exposing the affair will ruin that fantasy fog and help her see herself in a different light and ruin the fog.

She needs to see you FIGHT for your marriage. Husbands who take a complacent approach by allowing the affair to persist give the impression they don't CARE. We have many wayward wives here who actually THANKED their husbands later for fighting for their marriage. That is what she needs to see from you!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I thought you wanted me to send these from WS account.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I thought you wanted me to send these from WS account.

Oh no! Go and start up your own page with your own name and upload a picture. It will take a couple of minutes. Everyone needs to know who you are.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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See, if you do it from your WS account, she can easily shut you out and then send them all messages saying you are just a crazy, jealous kook who is imagining things. Then your exposure will be wasted.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Working on it now!

How long are you available online today?

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I will be in and out today. But the others here are also very knowledgable so you will be in good hands. Just post your questions and someone will help you.

You will do great! I know this is hard, but this is the best thing for your marriage. Hang in there and be strong! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Ok Thanks. I have the FB page created. So I need to start arranging and sending the private messages now right?

Can I add contacts from other people's FB to be able to send them a message? Don't they have to accept me first?

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Ok Thanks. I have the FB page created. So I need to start arranging and sending the private messages now right?

Can I add contacts from other people's FB to be able to send them a message? Don't they have to accept me first?

Not if thier account is set up to receive messages you don't have to be a friend first.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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So I just go in, create a new message and how do I know their email address?

Sorry to be so ignorant of FB. I've just never used it.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
So I just go in, create a new message and how do I know their email address?

Sorry to be so ignorant of FB. I've just never used it.

You go to the page of the person and look to the right of their name. you will see a button that says "message." click on it and then send them the message. Be SURE and include your name and email address because you may get some surprising emails. We often get emails from other women saying they are having a relationship with him too.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Space the messages out 60 seconds apart so facebook does not shut you down for flooding.

Also, when you get going, your wife will get wind of this and try to stop you. Don't let her stop you. And don't take her calls until you are finished.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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