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I just called her mom and dad to tell them and she had already called them. Her mom said that my WW told her that she was going to call her grandma after she got off the phone with her.

This is looking more and more hopeless. WW doesn't seem to let this bother her at all.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I just called her mom and dad to tell them and she had already called them. Her mom said that my WW told her that she was going to call her grandma after she got off the phone with her.

This is looking more and more hopeless. WW doesn't seem to let this bother her at all.

She told them WHAT EXACTLY? So her family is supporting her adultery?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Did you tell her you were going to expose?

Part of exposure is also telling them what the truth is too - it is almost certain that WW told them that your marriage was long over/you were x/y/z (abusive, neglectful, whatever) etc...

You need to tell them what really happened

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Something may have been said about exposing very early on.

I told her mom and dad all that was happening. Her mom said WW called her a few days ago and basically said we were getting divorced because she had been lonely and neglected for a while and that she had an affair. She didnt tell he mom with who. I did.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Something may have been said about exposing very early on.

I told her mom and dad all that was happening. Her mom said WW called her a few days ago and basically said we were getting divorced because she had been lonely and neglected for a while and that she had an affair. She didnt tell he mom with who. I did.

Did you ask her to use her influence to persuade her daughter to end her affair?

It is real important that you stay focused on this mission and continue calling people. Your wife is saying: "I decided to end our marriage and later met a new man." You need to tell everyone that your wife wants to leave so she can pursue her affair. Tell them you want to save your marriage and ASK FOR THEIR HELP!!

You need to stay focused here!!!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Tell them this: WW is leaving to pursue her affair with OM!! Let them know there was trouble in the marriage but that can be fixed. She is not leaving because of the troubled marriage she is leaving TO PURSUE HER AFFAIR!

Stop allowing yourself to get distracted and get back on the ball!!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I'm trying but it's very difficult when I get shut down every way I turn.

I did ask for their help. Her mom said that she has tried to talk to her but WW won't let her and won't listen.

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Her mom did say that she would keep trying.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Her mom did say that she would keep trying.

Great!! Now keep exposing. Call her sister, her grandmother, any other family members.

And get those messages out to the OM's family and friends.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm trying but it's very difficult when I get shut down every way I turn.

I did ask for their help. Her mom said that she has tried to talk to her but WW won't let her and won't listen.

It is very important that you frame this properly because your wife is spinnign the story. You should say: WW is leaving to pursue her affair with OM. We are all devastated about her affair. I am calling to ask you to use your influence to persuade her to end her affair. If she ends her affair, I know we will have a chance to fix our marriage. But we cannot fix the marriage as long as she is having an affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I'm still exposing. The problem is that the OM's family is the kind of family that doesn't care about stuff like this. They are drinking/partiers for the most part and sometimes kind of violent. I don't know how much good it will do to expose to them.

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The problem that I'm running into is that there isn't much family that has influence or that she sees often at all.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm still exposing. The problem is that the OM's family is the kind of family that doesn't care about stuff like this. They are drinking/partiers for the most part and sometimes kind of violent. I don't know how much good it will do to expose to them.

Thats ok. You never know where or who will give you support. However, just the fact that he is having to defend his affair with a married woman makes it all worthwhile. AND, even if some do endorse adultery, it will still make your wife embarrassed to go around them knowing they all know. Exposing to his family will cause huge conflict in the affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Do y'all think I should call or email the OM?

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I have been pretty well disappointed in the support from her family in helping kill the affair. Her mom and dad have been the only ones that are even willing to call her. Her grandma basically said that she couldnt really tell her what to do. I guess people just dont want to help as much as I was hoping.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Do y'all think I should call or email the OM?

AFTER you send his parents and family a message. Did you do that? When you have done that, I would call him up and let him know that there is no future in his affair with your wife. Let him know that he will be eternally hated by your children and won't be accepted by the inlaws. They all know about the affair. And tell him you will be filing on grounds of adultery and will have him subponaed into court to give sworn testimony about his affair. Basically tell him HELL is coming./

Did you call your wife's sister yet?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I don't know how to contact his parents. I'm still looking. I think his mom abandoned him when he was young.

I didn't know if it was better to call or email because I want to be sure I tell him everything I need to tell him and I may get angry on the phone and forget. But if that's best...that's what I'll do.

**Edit**
I have already spoken to her sister and filled her in on just about everything.

Last edited by looking_for_help; 03/26/12 06:08 PM.
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Now since we are both back living at home. How do I behave around her. I have basically been cordial but that's it. I haven't went out of my way to please her in any way. I've been kind of avoiding her in a sense and letting her have her space as well as getting some space for myself.

Advice on how I need to be going about this part right now?

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I would not lovebust her, but just demand that she end her affair or this will lead to divorce. You shouldn't tolerate her contacting the OM from your home around your kids. Let her know you won't cooperate with any separation schemes and that if this does go to divorce you will be filing on grounds of adultery.

And most definitely CALL or visit the OM. Write out your talking points so you won't lose your train of thought.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Things are pretty calm tonight. She has actually talked to me in a normal somewhat considerate way. I have not brought up the issues at all. I'll post back tomorrow morning and update on any progress.

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