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Tell him also that because of her affair with him, you will be going after primary custody of the children and making sure your kids are NEVER EVER around his sorry [censored]. That means he gets subpeonaed into court to give testimony about his affair AND all of his email and cell phone records will be subpoenaed under DISCOVERY.

Ask him if he has the funds to hire a good lawyer?

Tell him you won't allow your children to be exposed to such an unfit adult so she will be forced to choose between him and her own children.

Tell him "you will be eternally hated by the inlaws and my children for your part in breaking up this family if it goes that far."


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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LFH .. your getting some EXCELLENT support here.

Dont forget to take care of yourself too ...

Keep up the good work. You got a GREAT chance of turning this around.

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I really hope the chances are good. I feel pretty hopeless every time she says that she's done, doesn't want to be here and wants out.

I have a very hard time hearing that from her. It sounds as though there is no chance of her changing her mind because she says the same thing EVERY time the subject comes up.

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Remember .. thats all fog talk LFH. Of course shes says those things .. its how she feels RIGHT NOW. But as you are probably learning ... feelings follow actions. You keep doing the actions (kill affair while raising holy hell and painting the picture so ugly the OM runs off ... stop LBing and meet her emotional needs as best as you can (so she can see you really do care) and her feelings will follow!

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MrNiceGuy,

I don't know if meeting her ENs is good right now. She doesn't even want me to hug her. That's what I'm so confused about. I don't know whether to show her that I can meet her ENs right now or just let her have her space and time (at home) to think about what's going on.

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When I do call the OM, do I give him a chance to respond at the end or just hang up on him?

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You just meet the ones she will allow you to meet (conversation, DS,FC .. etc)... in the meantime your killing this affair dead (enforcing your boundries) in the background, james bond style.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
When I do call the OM, do I give him a chance to respond at the end or just hang up on him?

Whenever you feel like it .. really. However, I would call him though after you have sent out all your exposure letters to his FB friends. Just make sure your calm .. and tell him the things ML said for you to tell him. In a calm .. rational matter. Be confident when you speak to him. If you talk to him after your exposure is done .. at least then he cant spin it to his friends before you get to them.


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
MrNiceGuy,

I don't know if meeting her ENs is good right now. She doesn't even want me to hug her. That's what I'm so confused about. I don't know whether to show her that I can meet her ENs right now or just let her have her space and time (at home) to think about what's going on.

Just focus on killing her affair and painting a very ugly picture of what divorce will look like. Talk about primary custody and suing on grounds of adultery. Tell her how you won't cooperate at all unless it is to fix the marriage. And be sure and tell her if it comes to that, you WILL NOT BE HER FRIEND. She won't let you meet her needs right now so just do your best and be polite but FIRM.

And don't hang up on rat boy. GEt his response. Remember, you are talking to a COWARD so don't be too rough or he may cry. He is is PUNK and a wimp. Who else would go after a married woman?

Your best bet is to run the OM off.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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LFH, my WW said ALL of the same things your WW has said like...

we shouldve never married.
i never loved you.
it was all a mistake (5 kids later).

blah, blah, blah. dont believe one word my friend. you are on the right track amigo. keep on going. you have a shot at saving this, but not if you do nothing and dont fight. you need to drive him away. your WW is probly like mine bc she wants to photoshop me out of the picture while i linger in the background paying for things. good luck with that. you are being tested. are you up for the challenge?

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I'm concentrating on the list of topics and the exposure right now. I would like to call him this week though.

It's been tough to decide on which FB contacts to send the info to.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm concentrating on the list of topics and the exposure right now. I would like to call him this week though.

It's been tough to decide on which FB contacts to send the info to.

Don't overanalyze. Just start whipping those babies out!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
It's been tough to decide on which FB contacts to send the info to.

How about all of them? Then they will ALL know whata guy he really is! See how he likes THEM apples!

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savemymarr,

I am up to it. With the encouragement that I'm getting here and the fact that I do not want to lose my wife to the OM.

Some times are much harder than others but I'm trying to stay the course.

I'm just sorry that it took me so long to become a believer in the MB way. It's very hard to get to the point of becoming completely untrusting in your wife.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm just sorry that it took me so long to become a believer in the MB way. It's very hard to get to the point of becoming completely untrusting in your wife.

We understand!! hug No one wants to believe the worst. Ironically, believing the worst is the only way to save your marriage because facing the truth is how you resolve the problem.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I'm just sorry that it took me so long to become a believer in the MB way. It's very hard to get to the point of becoming completely untrusting in your wife.

Its not uncommon my friend. MB is hard to chew on .. and you cant just start with milk... you have to choke on the solid food here in order for things to progress in such a way for your best chances at getting your wife back. She is going to be HOPPING mad .... and say all sorts of nasty things .. so be prepared to let it slide off your back and not engage when she does. Shes an addict ... and needs your help to get off the crack pipe (POSOM). She WILL thank you LATER when the alien leaves her body and your wife returns.

BUT your seeing the light .. and now is your chance.

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Now THAT is ironic!

I'm gonna do some more FB exposure tonight from home and tomorrow before I get shut down.

Thanks for the continued encouragement!

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And at the very least .. even if his or her FB friends dont support you .. at least YOU will know who the friends of your marriage really are.

People that dont believe in exposure ... are usually that way becuse they are perpatrators themselves in some way shape or form (not always .. but more often than not)

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i know LFH. this whole experience is extremely humbling. you are broken down. the one person you thought you could trust turns out to be the one person you cannot. do not lose hope. you can make it thru. just follow the advice here. i would like to think that if i had gotten here sooner or followed the advice i was given from the word go then things mightve turned out different. i would not wish what i am going thru on anyone and want for your situation to turn out in the best way possible.

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Being the analyzer that I am... What if the OM decides to pursue WW out of spite after I call and confront?

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