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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I actually told her mom to tell me what Amy told her and then I filled in the blanks with the rest of the info. Told her that I thought WW was leaving to go back to OM.

So you just presented this as speculation instead of a fact and then it comes down to he said/she said? What did she say when you told her you thought she was leaving to go back to OM?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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She just sighed and said she didnt know what to do. See, her family has had to deal with this guy all through high school and into her early 20s. They know how she gets when she gets involved with him. Her mom told me that she has had to experience the "blank stares" that I am experiencing when trying to talk to WW about this.

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No. I actually told her that I believed WW was going back to him the first chance she gets and is willing to leave me and give up a large portion of her kids' life in the meantime.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
No reaction from what I have been able to see which is one reason I am beginning to think nothing I do is going to help.

It is possible that they want you to believe that you are having no effect on them so you will stop.


Me = BH
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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
No. I actually told her that I believed WW was going back to him the first chance she gets and is willing to leave me and give up a large portion of her kids' life in the meantime.

What if you sent them all a group email asking for their help? If this is all out in the open and everyone knows that everyone knows, it may make them more willing to put pressure on her. At the least, your wife will know that she is busted to everyone. Here is a sample email:

Dear friends and family of WW,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart and upset our children. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. WW has admitted to me that she has been sleeping with him for some time now. The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end. A divorce would be devastating to our children.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
No. I actually told her that I believed WW was going back to him the first chance she gets and is willing to leave me and give up a large portion of her kids' life in the meantime.

See, this makes it sounds you "think" she might be going back to him when she leaves you. That does not accurately describe the situation. All you are telling her is that you are speculating that she MIGHT be going back to him which means NOTHING.

What does mean something is that SHE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR AND IS LEAVING YOU TO CONDUCT HER AFFAIR. It is really important that you frame this in an accurate and meaningful way so you motivate people to help you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Send that letter I just posted to her mother, dad, grandmother, sisters, brothers in law, close aunts, uncles, friends, pastor.

And then start whipping out those exposure letters to the OMs family. You need to hit this affair HARD.

And when you are done, call up that piece of crap and tell him what I told you to say.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Mel's advice here is important because of the "group-think" of folks, as compared to the "do-nothingness" of individuals.

If you know something wrong is being done, say someone being mugged, you might keep it to yourself, alibi-ing that it might not be your place to step up. If, however, you're in a group and EVERYONE sees what's going on, every person, if they choose to be inactive, will have to know that everyone else saw their passivity and knows that basically each one is a coward.

In other words, it might be okay to be a weasel, but no one wants that general reputation.

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Originally Posted by NeverGuessed
In other words, it might be okay to be a weasel, but no one wants that general reputation.

Amen!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I am very sorry for being so negative but a man should not have to work this hard to "win" his own wife. I'm pretty dejected right now.

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I'm finding it difficult to follow all the instructions that I'm getting. Not because I don't want to, but more out of logistical reasons. Some/most of the people that I need to get heavily involved in killing this affair don't really use the computer, much less have email, FB, etc. All I can do with those people is call or go see them.

And because I'm not really sure, what is it that I should be expecting these people to do to help kill this affair? When they are "putting pressure" on my WW, what exactly are they supposed to be doing?

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lfh, you need to call these people as I instructed and ask them to use their influence to persuade to end her affair. Email those who are on the computer and CALL those that are CLOSER to the situation or are not on the computer.

Sit down and make a list of these people and start calling or emailing them. Your goal is to have as many of them as possible calling her up asking her to end her affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Send out a group email to those who do have email addresses like I outlined above. That will put pressure on them to do something.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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For example, when you call a family member, ASK FOR HER ADVICE! And then say something like "you are a very important person in WW's life and I was hoping you would use your influence to persuade her to end her affair and give the marriage a try."


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Just for the heck of it I called her sister again to see what the thought process was with not helping. She said that everyone that knows is very upset about this and what she is thinking of doing.

I told her that I didn't think anyone seemed to be concerned enough to want to help out by trying to talk to WW about this. She told me that everyone knows that WW won't really listen to anything anyone has to say about anything because that's the way she has always been. Once she has her mind made up, no one can convince her other wise.

She did say that she and everyone else has talked to WW and told her that what she's doing is wrong, they don't approve and that OM will never be accepted into the family nor will the kids ever be allowed around him.

How can she STILL be thinking that situation is what she wants? This loser doesn't even have a house! He lives with his aunt for God's sake!

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Just for the heck of it I called her sister again to see what the thought process was with not helping. She said that everyone that knows is very upset about this and what she is thinking of doing.

I told her that I didn't think anyone seemed to be concerned enough to want to help out by trying to talk to WW about this. She told me that everyone knows that WW won't really listen to anything anyone has to say about anything because that's the way she has always been. Once she has her mind made up, no one can convince her other wise.

She did say that she and everyone else has talked to WW and told her that what she's doing is wrong, they don't approve and that OM will never be accepted into the family nor will the kids ever be allowed around him.

How can she STILL be thinking that situation is what she wants? This loser doesn't even have a house! He lives with his aunt for God's sake!



Also she is STILL thinking about this is "what she wants" because she's in the FOG. She's a foggy wayward.

Trust me when the fog lifts(and it will lift) she will see some clarity.


FWW/BW (me)
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Just for the heck of it I called her sister again to see what the thought process was with not helping. She said that everyone that knows is very upset about this and what she is thinking of doing.

I told her that I didn't think anyone seemed to be concerned enough to want to help out by trying to talk to WW about this. She told me that everyone knows that WW won't really listen to anything anyone has to say about anything because that's the way she has always been. Once she has her mind made up, no one can convince her other wise.

She did say that she and everyone else has talked to WW and told her that what she's doing is wrong, they don't approve and that OM will never be accepted into the family nor will the kids ever be allowed around him.

How can she STILL be thinking that situation is what she wants? This loser doesn't even have a house! He lives with his aunt for God's sake!

Did you send out the email I developed above? That might motivate them and even if it doesn't, your wife will know that everyone knows.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Send out the email to as many family members as possible and cc your wife. Then get your messages sent out to the OM's family. Did you call the aunt he lives with?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Trying to find out her name.

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You're not taking this seriously at all, are you?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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