The relationship I shared with you was thoughtless and cruel for everyone involved. It hurt so many people, especially my husband. He did NOTHING to deserve what I did to him. I never stopped loving him. I got caught up in something that should never have happened. I am committed and determined to make up for the hurt I have caused my husband and our children.

I have deleted my facebook, changed my email address, and have a new cell phone number. I am permanently ending all contact with you. Please respect my wish that you not try to contact me in any way.


Opinions or changes??

OM,
I want you to know that out of respect and love for my H and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that H did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay H for the pain I have caused him, I will do my best to become the wife he has been missing. I care a gread deal for miy family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely,

I did hand write it. I thought it was be best that way.

Good. Handwriting the NC letter shows that it came from you and not from your BH acting as you.


I may be able to earn his trust, but him loving me again and wanting to be with me might be the hardest.

He still loves you...that is why he is hurting so badly. The hardest part for me was reconciling in my own head why I would allow myself to stay with someone who could so easily look me in the eye and lie to me. I felt like a doormat for not kicking him out. I imagine your own BH may feel the same. Pride runs deep.

It is all about your actions LNL2. You have to show him that you have done a complete change. He has to feel safe with you again and that will take time. EP's have been brought up several times. Maybe you should post them here for help.

Is your BH on board with MB principles?

Category #2 is a little more along the lines of EPs that you need to maintain on a continuous, consistent basis.

A) I will protect my spouse and their feelings above all else.
B) I will not participate in any one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex.
C) I will not discuss my personal marriage issues with anyone of the opposite sex.
D) I will not attend clubs, strip joints, or any such establishment I assume this is not a problem in your past behaviour so you can delete if this is the case.
E) I agree to use POJA as a basis for all decisions.
F) I will be open and honest with my spouse at all times about the past and present.
G) I will provide my spouse a daily schedule of all appointments and contact information.
H) If I need to make an adjustment to my schedule, I will notify my spouse of the change immediately.
I) I will make my spouse�s phone calls my highest priority by answering them or returning them immediately.
J) I will avoid all chat rooms, porn, member sites, etc.
K) I will trade phones with my spouse at any time they request, NO questions asked.
L) I will leave my phone accessible to my spouse at night/or anytime I�m home.
M) I will commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention with my spouse to meet each other�s ENs every week (time working together does not count toward those 15 hours).
N) If AP finds a way to make contact, I will immediately end the contact and notify my spouse about it immediately after.
O) I will install a keylogger, GPS, or any other tracking system my spouse may request.
P) Anytime I have the thought, �I don�t want my spouse to know about��.�, I will call my spouse immediately and tell them my thoughts.
Q) Anything else my spouse wants as a boundary.

Use this as a starting point for working further on your EPs. Add and change items that suit your situation.

Whatever you do, put your list together and post it on your own thread and then allow for some feedback from those that have been through this exercise. We want you to perfect your list before offering it to your spouse. There is so very little that a wayward can truly offer as compensation for the huge amount of damage caused by such a selfish act as adultery that we want to make sure this is done well. The continuation of your marriage is riding on these actions!

Looking for a new car, because OM was in mine

LNL2. I'm not trying to bash you. I want you to succeed. This stuck out at me.

Does this mean you get a brand new car because you had an affair?

The car OM was in should go but you should not benefit from it.
Maybe BH should get a brand new car and you get his used one. That seems more fair to me.

I don't know your car situation...but BH should come out with the better end of the stick on this one.

Pokerface,I had posted this before, but had no comments on them.

This is what I have done and am working on....

Facebook has been deleted

New cell number

New email address

Went through clothes and threw away some tops that my H accused me of wearing around the OM because of low necklines. Actually they were clothes I already had and that I had bought with my H present, but I threw them away just the same.

Looking for a new different car, because OM was in mine

There is NO CONTACT and will be NO CONTACT with OM
You are handwriting the N/C letter

If the OM finds a way to contact me, I will block that contact and let my H know

If OM finds a way to contact me I will FIRST inform my BH and WE TOGETHER will decide the best course of action to take in regards to blocking the contact.


I will be O&H

H will have all passwords

H will have access to my phone at all time when home
In addition I will switch phones immediately with my H at my H's request at any given time.

I will account for all my time

I will not go alone to town where OM lives

I will put a keylogger on computer if H requests
and give my BH full administator rights.

Any other boundries my H requests I will agree to

My H had already told me he wanted me to trade my car in due to OM being in it. I definitely won't be getting anything new.

Hello Lost, it's been awhile *s*

I sincerely hope you are feeling better after your foot surgery. My wife had arthroscopic knee surgery a few years sgo and I remember the the elastic bandage and cold packs etc, we had to apply and helping her around. Fact that your H is concerned of how you are feeling shows that he cares for you - not that is means being in love with you again but that he does really care for you above others. I really wish I had my wife here now just in case I need the help, coming home from vigil mass last night on my bike hit a rock or stone head on on my bike and landed on elbow an side of my knee. It was dark and I wasn't paying attention to the path and thinking ahead about what I stil wanted to to and then bango. Well woke up this morning and anticipate some soreness but not having to use one leg to walk because it same let with hamstring strain. So honestly yea am looking for a little comfort from a gat to be quite honest~ Told Char when I talked to her this afternoon and she jist told me I hope you feel better but 'why didn;t you ride there with your friend' and 'don't make it worse by trying to walk' etc etc. Yeah well.

One thing Lost is you have to stop dallying on the NC letter. Get is donw. Like not later this week, but asap. Do not over analyze it - do it. You might be surprised on the effect on your H.

I hope you feel better after your surgery now, I hope that you now feel more comfortable in participating here for sake of your M now, and just that I think that you are sincere and that you are a sweetheart!

Tom

He is ready to try!!!!! We had a great weekend with famiy and a few times I had to distance myself, because it felt too good. Last night when we went to bed, he slept on the edge of his side of the bed, I guess he was having those same feelings. This morning he got up an hour earlier than he needed to. I found him sitting in the living room crying. We talked, I gave him the NC letter, and we talked some more. Then we held each other and shared affection, gosh that felt good. He said no one knows him like I do and that one thing he found out for sure is that he is very jealous. He said he just keeps trying to figure out why I did it. I told him if I knew the answer to that, I would tell him, but that I don't, other than getting caught up in the attention and all the, what I call, "pretty words". He said he has been trying, but he it going to try harder. He didn't want to leave me and go to work this morning, I liked that part too. So, we are trying to make some plans to spend more time together and even talked about trying to schedule a vacation soon.

H had to work over last night and didn't get home until late. We texted back and forth all day yesterday. I was on edge all day wondering if things were going to be different when he got home after being so great yesterday morning between us. I had a hot supper waiting on him when he got home, even though it was about 11:30. He came in the door and came straight to me with a smile on his face and hugged and kissed me. He said he had thought about me all day and couldn't wait to get home...shew, what a relief. We had a great night and he said it all felt so good. This morning he hugged and kissed me bye before he left for work. Even though I am telling him I love him, he is still not saying in back. Oh, that part worries me, but his affection doesn't seem forced, it feels real. He use to tell me he loved me all the time and would send me love you texts all day. I just keep praying it comes back for him. In the meantime, it sure feels good to be held by him again and I will keep on loving him and telling and showing him I love him and that he can trust me.

He didn't say anything about the letter or mailing it. I read it to him and left it on the table beside his chair. After I read it he only asked me if the OM was still texting me. I told him it had been a month since contact.

I did not have the list EP list handy, it was still on my computer, but I told him about it and talked to him about what was on it. I talked to him a lot about this website as well.

When he left for work this morning he said he felt a lot better and that we would talk some more. He hugged me and kissed me again before he left. We have also been texting back and forth. I don't want him to try to ignore this and try to move on. I want us to work through it together. At least now I know that he wants to try. He never told me he loved me this morning and as much as I want to hear it, that's ok, because I did feel it. Now, those LB deposits should be a little easier to make. I am determined to fill his LB up and have it running over, no matter how long it takes

You need to be very aware that he'll be riding an emotional rollercoaster for a while - one day he'll be up, then the next day he'll come crashing down. Enjoy the 'highs' with him and help him through the 'lows'.