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If that is all you are willing to do, then you are wasting your time. I would do NO exposures if you are not willing to do it right, because you will only cause great harm by forewarning the affairees. Point taken. I will hold off and prepare for the nuclear strike. Please be patient with me with this. Sorry that I cannot take this step yet.  I am leaving in an hour on the Shinkansen (bullet train) to pick her up..... It will be interesting to see her attitude when I see her. I will be in Plan A, but I will not forget the stick!
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I reason (perhaps incorrectly) that my wife would look upon her exposure with more shame than a typical American. She has already said that she is too ashamed to set foot into my parents' house again, and she has already written my mother a long, apologetic letter. And yet, she hasn't come home, has she.  So she's not feeling as guilty as you might think. She appears to be working you by writing that letter to your mother. Her letter to your mother is an attempt to avoid the fallout that your mother should rightly rain down on her head. How did your mother respond to the letter? Do you understand that her apology means nothing while she refuses to return to her family? Those are words. ACTIONS are what you are looking for. Update: Things are going downhill anyway. The WW still remains with her mother and my son (2) near Tokyo. She told me yesterday that she considers my use of the keylogger "underhanded" and "dishonest", but I told her it was to free her from her addiction. She got angry and hung up. She is threatening divorce. Which tells you that she is not ready to end the affair and return home. A truly repentent wayward doesn't argue over her spouse's affair-killing actions.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Update: It looks like she will be coming back home tomorrow. I will pick her up tomorrow by train. She asked me to take off the keylogger from her computer "for trust". Whose trust? She wants to trust YOU? What did YOU do wrong? She seems sincere in trying to work things out. She wrote a nice letter apologizing to my parents. I certainly hope your parents set their personal bar high for forgiving her for her horrific actions against their son and grandchild. I know that I would have a LOT to say if my DIL screwed around on my beloved son.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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[I am ready to do an exposure to the mother of the OM. By the way, we call this "trickle exposure." It is like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight. It is not enough to kill the affair but just enough to piss off the affairees enough to come after you with more intensity. Ask yourself what happens when you bring a pea shooter to a gun fight? You get your [censored] shot off, that is what. If that is all you are willing to do, then you are wasting your time. I would do NO exposures if you are not willing to do it right, because you will only cause great harm by forewarning the affairees. Oh, for crying out loud. JD, are you saying you haven't exposed this exposure to everyone yet???  Do you want your wife back or not?? Sheesh!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Oh, for crying out loud. JD, are you saying you haven't exposed this exposure to everyone yet??? Do you want your wife back or not?? Sheesh! No, he hasn't Miss Bliss (sorry, couldn't resist  ). I really want to go off, because he is SO close to taking back control, but it seems like you and Mel have this one pretty good. But, Lordy, I wanna. JD, stop thinking, and start doing. If you keep this whiny crap up much longer I'll be looking for your episode of Divorce Court on Japanese television within the next year. Shake your fear and get your butt in gear. And please, and it's been said to you before: Balls to the wall or not at all. Anything short of that and you may as well just go out and get the best lawyer you can afford. Because you WILL need him.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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No, he hasn't Miss Bliss (sorry, couldn't resist ). LOL! Wes, you're a caution!  JD, do you want her back home to stay, or not? Your call.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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No, he hasn't Miss Bliss (sorry, couldn't resist ). LOL! Wes, you're a caution! JD, do you want her back home to stay, or not? Your call. Oh well, I am what I am.  Even though I really don't mean to
Last edited by TigerWes; 04/24/12 09:33 PM.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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JD, do you want her back home to stay, or not? Your call. There is the $64,000 question. Do you want to conflict-avoid for the sake of having a grudging, venom-spewing adulteress under your roof for a little while longer before she leaves? or Do you want to take action, and have your best chance of a loving, honorable wife for the rest of your life?
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Quick update: WW returned back to home with me in the evening two days ago. I am implementing Plan A to the fullest. There have been some initial flareups, but emotionally, things have calmed down considerably, and she is now no longer blaming me for and everything and starting to take responsibility for her actions. Things seems to be improving....
Surveillance: Trying to implement as much as possible, but she is still wary of the computer, and so I need to find other ways.
Exposure: I know I will get lambasted for this, but I have not gone to FULL exposure. However, I DID contact the wife in FB. Result: No reply, and her profile was taken off within 24 hours.
Revenge or exposure?: I got some interesting information from the WW, who is starting to open up to me. The other guy married on paper last July, and he was planning to have an "elaborate" wedding with his wife this July. An exposure could potentially sour his wedding plans. The problem is that things have quieted with the WW, and I think that my efforts should be directed fully towards implementing Plan A. The other wife may ALREADY know from my FB message. Still, I am aware that this is a very effective and valuable window of opportunity between now and July....
I am sorry that I remain ambivalent on this topic.
I know that it is very cut-and-dry to the veterans....
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Revenge or exposure?: I got some interesting information from the WW, who is starting to open up to me. The other guy married on paper last July, and he was planning to have an "elaborate" wedding with his wife this July. An exposure could potentially sour his wedding plans. The problem is that things have quieted with the WW, and I think that my efforts should be directed fully towards implementing Plan A. The other wife may ALREADY know from my FB message. Still, I am aware that this is a very effective and valuable window of opportunity between now and July.... So, you will help the OM and his lover, your wife, trick the OMW? Why? Are you are mean guy? Can you explain why you would do this to an innocent party? How do you justify your decision?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wow I feel for OM's BW. She's being abused by her WH and you're just going to sit by and let it happen.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I am sorry that I remain ambivalent on this topic.
I know that it is very cut-and-dry to the veterans.... It is very cut and dry to anyone who is not operating on fear and possesses basic decency. The rest of us know you can't possibly justify helping them trick the OM's wife. What kind of a person does that? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Quick update: WW returned back to home with me in the evening two days ago. I am implementing Plan A to the fullest. There have been some initial flareups, but emotionally, things have calmed down considerably, and she is now no longer blaming me for and everything and starting to take responsibility for her actions. Things seems to be improving....
Surveillance: Trying to implement as much as possible, but she is still wary of the computer, and so I need to find other ways.
Exposure: I know I will get lambasted for this, but I have not gone to FULL exposure. However, I DID contact the wife in FB. Result: No reply, and her profile was taken off within 24 hours.
Revenge or exposure?: I got some interesting information from the WW, who is starting to open up to me. The other guy married on paper last July, and he was planning to have an "elaborate" wedding with his wife this July. An exposure could potentially sour his wedding plans. The problem is that things have quieted with the WW, and I think that my efforts should be directed fully towards implementing Plan A. The other wife may ALREADY know from my FB message. Still, I am aware that this is a very effective and valuable window of opportunity between now and July....
I am sorry that I remain ambivalent on this topic.
I know that it is very cut-and-dry to the veterans.... Heavy sigh. If and when you decide to grow a pair, let me know.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Wow I feel for OM's BW. She's being abused by her WH and you're just going to sit by and let it happen. He is HELPING them deceive her. I don't understand why.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wow I feel for OM's BW. She's being abused by her WH and you're just going to sit by and let it happen. He is HELPING them deceive her. I don't understand why. I know, right. I feel so much for this woman. Why would someone be so cruel? Why would you do this Japandude? Why?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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So if your neighbor's bookkeeper was embezzling from him would you use this retarded excuse to get out of telling your neighbor? "Oh, I don't want to tell my neighbor his bookkeeper is stealing him blind because it might be for revenge." Do you not agree that would be very irrational? Adultery is a greater crime yet that is what you are proposing here. Are you a mean guy?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Boy, you guys are tough, but I love the strong-handed support! I feel like you guys are an older brother or sister to me.  OK, let's review the FB Exposure Procedure for my case. 1) Replace my photo with a family photo 2) Copy other guys's FB friends (DONE) 3) Set a contact order. This is important because he has OVER 900 friends. How is this for an order of priority? I) Married friends II) His immediate family (anyone who shares his last name) III) Women IV) Others 4) Send off using at least 1 minute interval between messages. 5) Exposure Letter ************************* (Based on template from MelodyLane (Thanks!)) Dear friend of JoeScumbag: It grieves me to write this letter, but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. When Joe was in Japan for three months recently, he had an affair with my wife, who was a former girlfriend of his. Over our five-year marriage, we have had to deal with the loss of child and an upsetting move to southern Japan due to Fukushima, and this made her particularly vulnerable. Although I believe that both of them share equal blame for their actions, as a husband and father, I find Joe's actions of meeting up with my wife and then meeting with his Japanese in-laws on THE SAME DAY (April 2 or 3) to be particularly repulsive. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have one small son and daughter, and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage. I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks. I would appreciate it if someone would notify his wife and her parents and ask them to call me at XXX-XXXX-XXX (within Japan). I speak Japanese. Thank you, BH ************************* 6) Sit back and wait for the blowback. 
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3) Set a contact order. This is important because he has OVER 900 friends. How is this for an order of priority?
I) Married friends
II) His immediate family (anyone who shares his last name)
III) Women
IV) Others Put his family at the top of the list. Everything else looks ok. Of course you can't get to 900 people, so cull out 50 to 100 if you can. 6) Sit back and wait for the blowback. Yes, and you will find out real quick if he is still in touch with your wife. Glad you made the right decision!  Doing the right thing isn't always easy.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Is the OM's BW also on your exposure list? This is a must.
I hope I missed it somewhere?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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