So what just compensation have you given your BH?

What EP's have you written and done?

Transparency? Can you move back in with him?

Why should he believe you THIS time?

What have you implemented from MB since you found MB back in Sept?

Hi BrainHurts, yes, I have to admit, while I learned some great things in Sept from this site and the Book Surviving an Affair, I didn't put everything in place possible. Some things but not everything - hence the relapse.

And yes, he really shouldn't give me another chance. Except I'm hoping to prove i'm worthy of one last chance now that i'm completely committed and surrended to God

Thanks Alis. Yes, I am here to save/reunite my family, at any cost.

No, I did not go and stay with the OM, I spent some nights there over the proceeding month or so. No, I did not fight for my marriage/family like i should have in December. I was completely deluded/fogged into thinking it was over and this OM was my future. I did not go to court for two reasons. 1, within the first few days of them departing my husband and I spoke and decided that we would ALL relocate asap. And i also knew that my daughter being with family was the best thing for the immediate furture as neither of us were in a state to properly care for her. The second reason is that I live in a country where 'going to court' is not really a common response (ie. we have no litigation process for personal injury - rather, a government scheme that pays for this). I had no experience in these kind of matters and no desire to make the situation with my husband worse by fighting over our child. I absolutely knew that because of my terrible actions, them moving was the best thing.

(As an aside, the truama and grief of having my child taken away from me played a strong part in why I did not deal with 'things' in the first few months).

The reason i did not quit my job immediatley and follow was because all of the advice I received was to not make rash decisions at this time. With my husband being clear that we were seperated, I knew that I needed a job to pay for my half of supporting my child and also supporting myself.

In retrospect, this is something I probably should have done, 5 months later I am still struggling to get permantly relocated as jobs in our small hometwon are scarce. This is not for lack of trying though, I have applied for approx 12 positions and only had one interview :-(

I am now going to read about the EP's from HerPapaBear's posts and let you know what I have done in regards to this.

Thanks all

No, I can not move back in with him (he is currently living with his parents). We are seperated and he has hardened his heart towards me.

Transparency - he does not wish to know exactly what is going on in my life because he has seperated himself emotionally from me and is guarding his heart from future hurt. He is not willing to try again atm.

Compensation? - I will go and read up on what I can offer him and see what would be appropriate at this point.

EPs, bout to read up on that to and will write them on here first :-)

Will your BH come to MB so we can help him?

This forum needs more WW's like this one (not saying there needs to be MORE WW's .. just if they are .. they should be repentant like this one is) .... I can feel she really wants to make ammends. However .. one can not blame her hubby if he chooses not to accept her back and work on it ... But I do pray he softens his heart and gives her the chance.

MNG

Repentant this thread or the thread back in Sept when she found MB and still went back to her OM and now her BH took her DD and left? Now she's worried because her BH is thinking of dating?

Hi BrainHurts,

No i was not what I would call 'fully/honestly' repentant back in Sept. I am now however, and yes, I am gutted that I may have left it too late. However, I would regret not fighting for my marriage now. Even if this doesn't work and he dates, and files for divorce, I am committed to doing anything and everything to compensate.

I am willing to be strong in my committment and go through the pain of him dating... holding out any small hope I have for future reconciliation.

Thanks MrNiceGuy for your understanding and encouragement.

Will your WH come here to MB so we can help him?

What about you writing Dr. Harley? What EP's have you given him?

Found some radio clips similar to your situation.

The WW kept going back to her OM and now her and her BH are divorced. Hope they help.
Radio clip of WW trying to save her M after her divorce
Segment #2
Segment #3

I don't think he is in a space to come here... yet. He was not even willing to back in Sept :-( I think this is partly pride but now it's about him being completely seperate from me and having 'moved on'.

EP's - I didn't get that far back in Sept/Oct last year. Am willing to give him some now (working on that list now in between work :P) but I doubt he is in a place to be receptive to these. He's very much of the mindset that it's 'too little too late'.

Listen to these when you get a chance.

Thanks! loving these radio clips!

Love the radio show it is a plethora of help from the good Harleys themselves.

Tell me what you think of the clips. Can you email the radio show?

Am listening to the latest clips you posted and it's very very similar to my situation.

I could email them. I'm not in the US though...

Also was looking on the website to see if Dr. Harley can provide email counselling but doesn't appear so.

oooh except for the pre marriage bits!

Yes when I heard the clips I thought it was very similar to your situation except they are actually divorced.

The coaching center does phone coaching and we've had people from NZ and such phone coach with them. I'm sure they can work something with you.

You would do this for the radio show. Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.

Have you written an apology letter to your BH?

I guess not an official one. I've apologised via txt and facebook etc but have realised that's not enough or 'proper'. I will begin drafting one.

I suppose my reluctance is the constant fear of rejection - that has in fact happened in the last few serious interactions we have had.

But I guess i have to harden up and face that potential rejection regardless as I am committed to doing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING