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I believe you. I just think this whole thing is the craziest thing I have ever seen much less been involved in.

I guess it's really getting to me that she doesn't even want to recognize that I've been a HUGE part of her life and that we have been through so much together and that we have so much that we have built. It's just absolutely absurd that she doesn't see how much she's throwing away.

It's kind of starting to worry me a lot because it appears that there is not much more that can be done or tried before the end(final divorce) comes. I guess I'm more and more worried now that she has filed. I really didn't think she would do that. I figured she was waiting for me to so she could tell everybody "well, he divorced me. I didn't divorce him".

Know what I mean. I'm still with you and I'm putting everything I have into it.

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I'm really interested/anxious to see how she reacts when she gets my filing papers.

I'll be talking to my lawyer tomorrow and will be preparing the filing next week.

By the way...I've been reading Stretch123's post (and A LOT of others). I know you're right. It's just such bizarre behavior it's hard to believe it's happening or real.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I believe you. I just think this whole thing is the craziest thing I have ever seen much less been involved in.

I know! It is crazy. It is like watching your spouse become someone who is completely alien to you.

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I guess it's really getting to me that she doesn't even want to recognize that I've been a HUGE part of her life and that we have been through so much together and that we have so much that we have built. It's just absolutely absurd that she doesn't see how much she's throwing away.

None of this means anything to her because she is a falling down drunk. So don't let it get to you. I know it hurts! But once you kill this affair, she will come back to her senses. This is why it is so important to find out what she is doing and drag the affair out into the sunlight and stab it like you would a vampire! Affairs thrive on secrecy, after all!

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It's kind of starting to worry me a lot because it appears that there is not much more that can be done or tried before the end(final divorce) comes. I guess I'm more and more worried now that she has filed.

Let me give you some statistics so you will see that the odds are completely in your favor. 95% of affairs die in under 2 years. Of the 5% that make it to marriage, 75% of those don't last longer than 5 years. They are fraught with abuse, thoughtlessness and deceit. They are horrible relationships.

On the other hand, 65% of marriages do not end over affairs.

So guess who I am placing my money on!! grin

I just baseballed a trifecta on YOU!! laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Did you get into your doctor to get some AD's or anxiety meds?

Dr. H recommends them during this trying time.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
2. This one is a bit more "philisophical" I guess. I started thinking about how WW is acting right now and it made me think of those stories that you hear about soul mates that love each other so much but one of them finds out that they are terminally ill. They don't want to tell their soul mate husband/wife that they are terminal and are dying because they don't want to hurt him/her. So they distance themselves from their soul mate and lie to them about why they're leaving. They do this to keep from subjecting the other to all the pain they will feel watching them slowly die from their terminal illness. They justify their leaving by "saving" the other person from enduring that.

Well, lately I have wondered if something crazy like that could be a possibility because my WW is acting so distant/secretive/elusive/etc and continues to send mixed signal that make me believe that she still loves me but has something terrible that she doesn't want to admit or tell me. It almost makes me feel sorry for her.
Actually, I find this totally believable. I know that this happens to people because I saw it in a recent storyline in Desperate Housewives. The old couple there went through this when the wife found out that her cancer had come back and was terminal. She kept the diagnosis secret, then threw her H out of the house and filed for divorce so he wouldn't have to see her suffer.

Desperate Housewives is based on real-life events and I find it as believable as I find your hypothesis here.

sigh

Someone told me that I should use smilies more often, so I am using one here, just so my meaning is clear.


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I'm so glad Sugarcane is smiling more. Maybe all that rain they are getting "over there" will feel her sunshine!! laugh

On the whole soul mate (crap) you have to read this it will make you smile and not SC's kind smirk or is it this sigh
Soul Mate schmoopies


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Desperate Housewives is based on real-life events and I find it as believable as I find your hypothesis here.

skeptical skeptical How did the foreigners find out about Desperate Housewives?? That is an American SECRET! skeptical


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Dang. Y'all are a tough crowd.

Brain,
I haven't gotten any meds yet. I was kind of afraid to with potential divorce proceeding looming. Lawyers may be able to use that if it comes to that.

I've been looking into using a PI to see if she's still seeing the OM. My question is what will I do if I find out she is still seeing/communicating with him? I guess what I mean is what good will it do to bring it to light that she's started up again if no one cares. No one includes her family, friends, etc. When I exposed the first time, no one really seemed to be interested in supporting the act of helping kill it then so why should I think they would now?

I'm still gonna see what I can find out but just wondering what can be done with the info if I find it?

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I've been looking into using a PI to see if she's still seeing the OM. My question is what will I do if I find out she is still seeing/communicating with him? I guess what I mean is what good will it do to bring it to light that she's started up again if no one cares. No one includes her family, friends, etc. When I exposed the first time, no one really seemed to be interested in supporting the act of helping kill it then so why should I think they would now?

I'm still gonna see what I can find out but just wondering what can be done with the info if I find it?
I would hire the PI. It will help if you go to divorce to show she is still up to her no good ways.

On the meds. I would think it could be used for you because it shows the mental anguish you're going through. Maybe you should see a counselor on that? To help you get throught this trauma.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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You can show what Dr. Harley says about affairs here.
Originally Posted by Dr. Harley
One of the most destructive and painful acts that one human can do to another is to have an affair with his or her spouse. Most women would rather be gang raped than to have another woman have sex with their husbands. Most men would rather have their arms cut off than have their wives in someone else's arms. That's why I am so much opposed to affairs, and why I try so hard to help couples prevent them.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I have been looking into the PI thing quite a bit today. I think I'm terrified of what kinds of evidence they will find.

Will any of you vets be online this weekend? I am trying to figure out what all to tell the lawyers to put into the paperwork as well as what to ask the lawyers to do in regards to contacting the OM like Mel suggested.

Y'all may lie to me and say that you won't be online because you probably need a break from crazy's like me. I wouldn't blame you a bit. You guys and gals should get paid for helping (and reprimanding) BS's like me.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
I've been looking into using a PI to see if she's still seeing the OM. My question is what will I do if I find out she is still seeing/communicating with him? I guess what I mean is what good will it do to bring it to light that she's started up again if no one cares. No one includes her family, friends, etc. When I exposed the first time, no one really seemed to be interested in supporting the act of helping kill it then so why should I think they would now?

Your wife cares very much if you find out, which is why she is hiding it. The power of exposure does not come from others actively working to kill it, but in all of them knowing it. Affairs thrive on secrecy so bringing it out in the open hastens its death. You can also use this intel in a divorce action.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Will any of you vets be online this weekend? I am trying to figure out what all to tell the lawyers to put into the paperwork as well as what to ask the lawyers to do in regards to contacting the OM like Mel suggested.

I will be on and off all weekend! Tell the lawyers to countersue on grounds of adultery and have the RAT subpeonaed to give sworn testimony about his affair.

I would also insist that it be put in your agreement that your kids not be exposed to her adultery partner. Your lawyer will say "we can't do that!!" Well, yes he can. We do it all the time.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I mentioned the fact that I want a court order or what ever it's called in lawyer speak put into the papers to disallow the WW to take the kids anywhere around him when I met with them for the consult. They actually said it wouldn't be a problem. I have a VERY good lawyer on my side. Hopefully I won't have to use most of their skills.

Mel, you say get the lawyers to subpeonae the POSOM to give sworn testimony. Wouldn't that only happen IF this actually goes to divorce?

I would really like for the lawyers to contact him in some way to let him know that I haven't forgotten about him and also to let him know that he is contributing to his own court undo-ing. I don't actually know if they will do that or not but I think something OFFICIAL would scare the crap outta this guy! I really do.

I also should probably find out if they are actually in contact or not before I ask the lawyers to contact him, huh?

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Mel, you say get the lawyers to subpeonae the POSOM to give sworn testimony. Wouldn't that only happen IF this actually goes to divorce?

Yes, and you are countersuing for divorce on grounds of adultery so the OM would have to give sworn testimony.

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I would really like for the lawyers to contact him in some way to let him know that I haven't forgotten about him and also to let him know that he is contributing to his own court undo-ing. I don't actually know if they will do that or not but I think something OFFICIAL would scare the crap outta this guy! I really do.

Making him give testimony under oath in a deposition and requiring him to turn over his emails and cell phone records will do the trick!

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I also should probably find out if they are actually in contact or not before I ask the lawyers to contact him, huh?

They had an affair so you already know that. They don't have to actually be in contact at the very second you speak to your lawyer for the lawyers to contact him. I would hire a PI and find out what she is doing.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Thanks for all the info today. I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I'll check into the PI more tomorrow.

Everyone have a good night. I feel like y'all have become family.

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night, my friend! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Just picked up divorce papers from my lawyer that her lawyer sent over. Very upsetting.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Just picked up divorce papers from my lawyer that her lawyer sent over. Very upsetting.

Tell us more!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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First of all it's upsetting to just see our names versus each other.

I'm still reading but basically she wants half of everything plus like $1500 per month child support.

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