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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I probably screwed up this morning. I've been trying to implement Plan A but she came over this morning and just kept pushing and pushing until I broke. I broke a cup in the sink because she keeps twisting everything I say into something that sounds so terrible.

I know I screwed up with my angry outburst but I have built up so much anger I broke. I'm sorry y'all.

I'm really starting to think I'm wasting my time with her because she is so dead-set against this marriage. I'm gonna continue trying to Plan A but I really don't know if it will make any difference.

Saying all that, let me tell you about what happened last night. She had asked me earlier this week if we could talk about paying for the kids' school. I told her this weekend would be a good time. Keep in mind that she had the kids last night (Friday night). Well, she asked me if I was gonna be home later Friday night (digging, I'm sure). I told her I didn't know yet. I told her that Sunday morning would be a good time since she would be coming over to drop off the kids anyway.

Well, come close to 5:00pm or so Friday I started getting texts from her related to menial stuff with the kids. Stuff that wasn't necessarily important enough to text 6 or 7 times about. I answered her each time. Well, around 9:40pm she texted me to ask me to let her know when I got home because she needed to come over and get something. Something that she really didn't need to come get at 9:40pm at night. I didn't text her back because I knew she was just checking up on me.

This morning at one point in our discussion I asked her if she would let me know when she was going to come by instead of just showing up at 7:45am. She said "well, if you wouldn't stay out all night you wouldn't need to still be in the bed this late". She also said "are you afraid that I might come over and find someone here" and I told her that I have nothing whatsoever to hide now nor have I ever had anything to hide.

This woman is sending so many mixed signals I don't think SHE even understands what is coming out of her mouth. Bottom line is that I know I screwed up by getting angry this morning but enough is enough! She is being so verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive to me right now it's not even funny.

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Right now, the more I think about things, the more I really don't care if this gets fixed or not. She has become such a selfish person that I don't want to even be around her. I can't talk to her without her twisting everything I say around to make it look like things are my fault. I honestly can't really stand her right now.

I know this is the anger talking but if she's trying to completely kill every last bit of my love for her she's doing a very good job of it.

Oh and by the way...she said she's definitely not seeing anyone. Heard that one before...

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I totally get you,lfh.
WW pretty much cleaned out her Love bank account in me today.Sometimes,I get so angry and detached ,I dont know whats there to be saved.

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I hope you grilled hamburgers last night or plan to do that today..and what to do with this extra raw hamburger meat? grin


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Can someone tell me where the motivation is supposed to come from when the WW keeps doing things like this?

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Logans_Run,

That made me chuckle again! If Mel sees that you'll be in trouble.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
Can someone tell me where the motivation is supposed to come from when the WW keeps doing things like this?

Read these and I hope they inspire.
Be the lighthouse
Mortarman's thread
Mortarman's update


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thanks Brain. I'll read them. At the moment I'm teetering on the top of the fence where on side is to continue to push on with the plan and the other is to forget about this because I am starting to seriously wonder if she's worth it.

I know I sound very depressed and defeated because I just about am.

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Gosh, this is so frustrating!!! Every time I start thinking about the things she says to me I get so frustrated. I can tell beneath all this FOG that she is still interested in me and our marriage. This FOG is just clouding her judgement and thought process so badly she can't see the forest because of all the trees in the way.

I know Plan A has a good chance of working but it's just so frustrating to see the real wife in there periodically and not be able to reach in there and get her. I know it may sound crazy but I get glimpses of the real wife inside that alien every once in a while.

Like this morning...she was standing her chewing me out and telling me how unhappy she has been and doesn't want to stay in a relationship where she's not happy because she has realized that life is too short for that and then followed that sentence up with "well, if you weren't staying out all night you might not need to be sleeping until 8:00am". When in fact I was not out all night. She is so concerned about where I am and what I'm "into" that she can't stand it. But she's not even able to see that she's concerned.

WTH!!! This alien has latched onto my wife and I want to get her out of there!

I have until May 9th to figure out everything I want to put in my counter strike divorce decree. I'll be posting ideas and would like honest (like I don't get THAT on here) opinions on whether I should put each thing or not. I'm really hoping that my counter will have some effect.

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Damn this hour by hour emotional roller coaster.

Where am I right now??

I will NOT lose my wife to something like this!!!!

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Suggestion...fry up some bacon to go with them burgers....not cooking a couple slices fully, just enough to soften, then slowly wrap the soft cooked bacon around the raw hamburger.......in other words get the gps done already..


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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I'm trying to decide on how to go about the GPS.

I had a second to step back from this situation for a brief second and realized something that I'm sure all of you already have realized.....how utterly hilarious the WW's behavior actually is.

She files divorce papers but she still wants to know where I am and what/who I doing. Now, she doesn't want to even text me back when I ask her the simple question of what time was she thinking of dropping the girls off tomorrow. I mean seriously...am I dealing with a high school girl here?

When I thought about that just a minute ago I thought it was pretty funny. I didn't text her last night at 10pm to let her know when I got home so now she won't text me about the drop-off time for the girls.

Absolutely insane behavior!

A.L.I.E.N!!!!

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If anyone is one here tonight I want to see what opinions you have about something.

I have been running the idea through my head to tell/reiterate WW tomorrow morning when she brings the kids over something like:

"I am not gonna sit around and wait on you forever but I am NOT gonna give up on this marriage as easily as you might want. We have built too much and have way too much to just give up on that easily. So I don't really care how you feel right now about things but don't expect me to just give up on things just because you are in a "different place".

Just wanted to get some opinions.

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So how is this gonna work?

I'm trying to be nice and pleasant to her and build a comfortable situation and then BAM! she gets the papers from my lawyer next week that says I'm filing for full custody of the kids and she will never be able to bring them around the POSOM, etc, etc.

Won't that just pretty much destroy any pleasant/comfortable situation that I have tried to build.

Y'all, I know it's Saturday night and no one is on here listening to me but that's ok. If I didn't have this college final project that I had to work on I wouldn't be on here harassing everyone.

This has been and will continue to be my safe haven. It helps me to post even if no one is around to post back immediately.

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I doubt.....more likely to shake her up a little and she will slam you with some fog babble so ignore it and offer her some chips and a soda, or a burger if you have it. grin

And i am not a vet...wait for them to edit your statement.....


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
"I am not gonna sit around and wait on you forever but I am NOT gonna give up on this marriage as easily as you might want. We have built too much and have way too much to just give up on that easily. So I don't really care how you feel right now about things but don't expect me to just give up on things just because you are in a "different place".

Straight from Dr. Harley
Originally Posted by Dr.Harley
To insist that the wayward spouse end the affair should not be made with the threat of punishment ("I'm make you suffer if you don't end it"), but rather with the simple fact that it's the most painful experience you've ever had in your life, and if the affair is not ended, your relationship must end with either a separation or divorce. To end the marital relationship is not punishment: It's to protect your own mental and physical health.

So I definitely think you need to tell her what you wrote.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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During Plan A, there is the carrot(meeting ENs), and the stick(filing papers, exposure, etc). When she gets the papers, she's gonna be MAD and she'll call you. You don't talk about divorce, only marital recovery. You need to do what you have to to protect your children, and let the lawyers hash it out. This could all be different if she agreed to NC for LIFE with OM, and a plan for marital recovery. Then, you ask her if she wants a cookie, to change the subject.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Just out of curiosity I'm wondering what y'all think about me not wearing my wedding band? A couple times I haven't worn it around her intentionally to see if I got a reaction and she noticed and reacted to herself but never said anything.

I really don't like not wearing it even now but I was curious if the effect was worth using.

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Originally Posted by looking_for_help
So how is this gonna work?

I'm trying to be nice and pleasant to her and build a comfortable situation and then BAM! she gets the papers from my lawyer next week that says I'm filing for full custody of the kids and she will never be able to bring them around the POSOM, etc, etc.

Won't that just pretty much destroy any pleasant/comfortable situation that I have tried to build.

Oh no it won't! I think you will be really surprised at her reaction. By filing the papers, you will earn her respect because she will see that you are not going to roll over. She may be initially angry, but it will blow over.

You just stick to the plan and you will be fine. No guarantees, but the path you are on will be the most likely to get your wife back while protecting yourself legally.

You are doing just great!

edited to add: put your wedding ring back on! you are married!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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