My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have a 2 year old son. About half a year ago I found out thru her that she had been having an affair and she has ended it and wants to work on us.

I was of course taken aback but wanted to make our marriage work. The man she was cheating with is a co-worker, lives out of state and is going thru a divorce. We started with counseling and then read the his needs/her needs book but thru all of that my wife continues to communicate with her affair partner.

She went to this guy b/c I was obviously not fulfilling her needs and he did. We talk and understand what both of us need. and now I am giving everything I have trying to fill her love tank and every need she has and she does not reciprocate in the slightest. . I am very much tired of being lied to, deceived and disrespected.

Is there anything else to do? I know some advice is to expose the affair to everyone but I think that will just end us without a chance.

Really??? What have you got to lose? As you are all too aware...the current situation in unbearable. There really isn't any "CHANCE" for recovery while contact continues anyway. They aren't stopping contact on their own...so you need to blow this out of the water with exposure and cross your fingers that it's not to late already.

Chances are OM will end it once you tell his momma and daddy (and his boss).

Read up here....don't discuss this with your wife and whatever you do don't threaten or even hint you might expose this if she doesn't stop on her own. She's not going to and you'll only be making it harder to do it. Your best bet is to expose and then say "oops...you mean you didn't want people to know????" along with "I'm fighting for my family". Sure ...she'll be pissed but your marriage can survive her anger...while it won't survive much longer with another person in it.


Anyway...Welcome to MB. Keep reading.

Mr. Wondering

Read this thread...

EXPOSURE 101

the other vets will be along shortly enough, but my advice would be to read up on some other threads to get a better sense of the advice which is generally given here. the principles are pretty much the same across the board. you need the truth my friend. it does not sound like she is offering it or even willing to do so with the bare minimum. i would even go further and say that your wife may be stringing you along. more details would be helpful. and btw, how do you know the OM is going thru a "divorce"? bc your WW said so? reminds me of one of my favorite movie lines from Scarface w/ Al Pacino, uttered by his boss @ the time Frank:

http://www.moviewavs.com/php/sounds...quote=astoolie.txt&file=astoolie.wav

just got this from BrainHurts on a neighboring thread (jry). this may help:


You should expose... your WW's affair.

Read this Are Friends a Threat to your Marriage

Do this Exposure 101

And thisHow To Plan B properly
Plan B letter Samples...


_________________________
FWW/BW 42(me)
WH 43
2nd M for both
7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Here you go with the links.
You should expose your WW's affair.

Read this Are Friends a Threat to your Marriage

Do this Exposure 101

And thisHow To Plan B properly
Plan B letter Samples

Please listen to this radio clip of Dr. Harley telling a WW how dangerous opposite sex friendships are.
Radio clip on the dangers of opposite sex friendships

thanks BH.

You're welcome.

Also 1life2live read this.
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

If you don't exose, then you are just fascilitating the affair. Gather evidence, find out if OM is truly divorcing (waywards often lie about this) and then expose to the OMW.

Expose to her family and yours and to anyone who can put pressure on the affair.

Two kinds of BHs come to this board: Those willing to man up and those that live in fear of their WW'es. Which one are you?

Take a guess which ones have the greatest failure rate.