Have looked over the MB coaching pack. Would def sign up and do that and pay for it myself... however i guess there's no point until i get a 'green light' from my husband. *sigh*

Letter has gone. I'm very nervous as he's picking me up from the airport on thursday so we will be alone in the car for 15 or so mins. I keep going through likely responses from him and it's all consuming!

There will be ALOT of praying going on over the next few days.

BV
You don't mind a little help do you?



nESRE

Just try and be happy and the W he fell in love with. When and if he talks about the letter listen and show empathy.

If he is nonchalant tell him how much you love him but don't over do it. It's all in your actions that he will be watching.

If you think signing up would be a good "action" for him to know you're really repentant then I would do it.

Remember his pain.

Would appreciate any prayers anyone can swing our way!

Yes, am desperately trying to return back to the W he married. Overall feel like i'm making good progress in that department. However on Mothers day i was feeling stupidly sorry for myself (also PMS & had forgotten to take meds away with me) and was in a bad place all day. Unfortunatley he saw that and it's not the person i want him to see! Not that i want to be false either but he's certainly not going to want me back when i'm in a state of depression like that!

It's good to be constantly reminding myself of his pain. I don't actually think I understood this fully until he told me about looking forward to dating and the single mum he is potentially seeing atm. Even the thought of them interacting in any way is enough to make me lose it.

Thanks everyone for your continued support. I really appreciate this forum.

You got it! I've put you on my list.

BV, you are still reacting... and got it all backwards. The most important thing right now is to learn new skills for YOURSELF. How YOU can be a SAFE marriage material. Why would your BH give you a green light? We here say that words are cheap... Are you saying that your condition to become a faithful and safe woman is him taking you back first?

Mrs_Recon, yes, you are right. I completely agree with you. I didn't mean that my condition for becoming that person is him taking me back. I intend to become this person regardless of what happens... and i do feel i'm making progress in this area. Reading heaps, listening to MB radio, doing my homework assigned by you lovely folk here, studying the word etc.

What i meant is that i'm unsure about spending the money and doing it by myself? I assume the idea is to do it as a couple? And the other 'caveat' is that my husband hates spending large amounts of money and i can easily imagine he would see this as a waste. In fact i've been pondering different ways of making restitution to him over the last week or so. One thing I have thought of is to pay him back for the counselling sessions we paid for last year - which he will consider went to waste since we were going through FR. It's probably about $500-600 and i feel like i should be the one paying for that.

Anywho... for those of you that have done this online program - is it suitable for one person to do it?

Would he post here? Its free!

Not sure if he would and too scared to ask yet.

But yes, that would be a good 'free' option for help/advice.

You need to be a bit more fearless BV. You risk rejection sure, but so what? You are asking him to risk a lot more. If he says no, smile and tell him it was just an idea. Merely making the suggestion is affectionate and shows you being proactive.

Thanks indiegirl. I do need a bit more courage, i've said i want to save my marriage but it's the actions that will do that. I struggle a bit with rejection - being an adopted child. However i don't want to make excuses for not standing up and giving it everything.

Perhaps I could send him the link to this thread and say if he's interested in reading it...?

He will likely receive the apology letter today though so i don't want to throw too much at him at once. I really am terrified of doing anything else wrong :-(

Rejection is better than regret... I just recently learned this, so i though I would share it.

MNG

Very true MrNiceGuy. Thanks for that.

Re online program... here's what Dr. Harley says;

"So before you order, be sure that you have your spouse's enthusiastic agreement. If you discuss it with each other, and decide to take these courses together, you will already be practicing one of my very important basic concepts, the Policy of Joint Agreement."

Hmmm so i guess this answers my question. No point in doing it without both agreeing.

Arghhh i feel so stuck and frustrated.

�For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.�
- John Greenleaf Whittier

"Hey, rookie, listen to me -
Don't get beat with your second-best pitch!"
- Charles Dillon "Casey" Stengel

"Never give up, never surrender."
- Commander Peter Quincy Taggert

Thanks NG.

I wonder if I should prepare my heart and mind for the worst though - consistent rejection over the next 18 months. But then i guess that will keep the fear and anxiety high and reduce the chances of giving this everything.

*sigh* this is hard. but i'm not done yet. not by a long shot.

I love him so much

Has your BH responded to your letter yet?

No. I'm pretty sure he would have got it yesterday. Unless there was a glitch in the post or he just didn't check the mail yesterday!

Although we chatted online last night which i thought would've been unlikely if he'd just received the letter...?

It was actually nice, he even video called so me and my daughter could talk before she went to bed.

I'm well over halfway through the book by the Scruggs "I do, again". Such a brilliant book, don't want it to end. Will be reading this over and over i think.

Does he know about this thread?

There is nothing so attractive to a BS as a Ws willing to lay themselves open to scrutiny.

I'd LOVE it

No, he doesn't. He knew about the one i started last year.

I'd like to email him the link to it. Again, another nerve wracking thing to do. I'm trying to space things out too and not bombard him.

My counsellor has also warned me to try not to come across needy. I can show that i have needs (at appropriate times) - but that there is a difference that and constantly coming over as needy.

Neediness will put him off me. Apparently guys like to chase... they don't want to be chased!