... I am working through a SA. (Inappropriate thoughts / communicating them with others)...
It appears that you are a "Sex Addict".
Is that right?
If you are, you need to say those words.
Right here ~ Right now!
What is the FIRST thing an addict must do in order to take the FIRST step to recovery?
Yes! You know what it is...
"Hello. My name is Phoenix20 and I am a sex addict".
When did your sex addiction start?
That is how long your W has lived with a sex addict.
BTW ~ Your addiction in no way justifies or rationalizes her affair(s). Does not matter if they are EA's or PA's.
How have you betrayed your W in your addiction?
If you want to do the hard work to restore love in your marriage, you need to listen to each and every word of each and every MB Veteran.
And, yes, I mean EACH and EVERY word of these incredible people!
They will tell you to START by addressing your sex addiction!
Marriage Builders principles can only work as long as a person is WORKING their "recovery"!
It also sounds like your wife is ready to move on.
If she chooses to leave, you still need to work on you!
The reason you are so desperate right now is because you have been keying off of her!
Your addiction prevents you from thinking rationally and cognitively!
WORK the twelve steps.
Go to your meetings EVERY DAY for at least 12 months!
Be proactive / aggressive in seeking accountability from your sponsor!
THREE TIMES A DAY ~ EVERY DAY ~ FOR THE NEXT 12 MONTHS!
You still have that "stinkin' thinkin'"!!!!!
And, yes, you know exactly how, what & where that "stinkin' think'" comes from and the triggers that lead to it!!!!!
I hope you will take the bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground and tie it up and walk away from it!
Only then will Marriage Builders be a tool that you can use in order to restore love in your marriage...
That is, if your W agrees to do the hard work she needs to do as well!