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You don't need evidence because she is shacked up with this rat. That is all you have to say.

Do you plan on exposing Saturday after your daughters party? The reason you didn't have people come there on Tuesday is because apparently you did not plan a party on your daughters birthday for some unfathomable reason. Did you invite people to come on that day? Plan a party?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: igiiroko
and not have to do any entertaining on the weekend?!"), and is set on leaving Fri, coming home briefly on Sat for daughter's party, then leaving again, to return Sun or Mon. I want the little girl to enjoy the focus of her birthday.



What is your reaction when your wife runs off to shack up with her lover? I cannot imagine what my husband would do if I told him I was running off to get laid by my boyfriend. You would have to call the SWAT team to save my life.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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No, I'm thinking of exposing on Mon 28 May -- my "E-Day". I planned daughter's party for Sat rather than Tue because many of our friends live out of town. (Plus ironically, WS used to complain when people came round for our kids' birthdays during the week: "I've been working all day! Why must I entertain/cook/etc in the evening as well?!?!" Now she's complaining about the reverse. Not that it matters.)

Seriously, though, I'm looking for "best-practice" here: do you "reveal your source" by showing the evidence, or not? And is my evidence scant, or substantive?


----
Me: BS (b. 1965)
Wife: WS (b. 1971)
Affair exposed: May 2012. Affair proven: Apr 2012. Affair first suspected: Jan 2011. (Affair started: Late 2010.) ILYBINILWY (said by WW to BH): ~Sep 2009
DD: b. 2005. Married: May 2005. Met: Jul 2002. DSS: b. 1999.
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Originally Posted By: igiiroko
No, I'm thinking of exposing on Mon 28 May -- my "E-Day".


I am not following your reasons for this delay? Why are you delaying the exposure?


Quote:
Seriously, though, I'm looking for "best-practice" here: do you "reveal your source" by showing the evidence, or not? And is my evidence scant, or substantive?


I would simply explain that your wife lives with the OM most of the time. That is all the evidence you need to present. But again, I am not understanding this delay.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thanks, but I'm not sure I understand, MelodyLane: "explain" to whom - to WS, or to Exposure audience?

Remember, I have evidence of a relationship, not of co-habitation. WS doesn't know I now have that evidence (screenshots of Facebook and email arguments between WS and OM): she is in blissful ignorance of the fact that I am NOT in blissful ignorance of her doings.

She doesn't announce she's off to shag or shack with some other guy -- she just leaves, and when I ask, she'll name one of three girl friends with whom she'll be "partying, then crashing".

Delay is immediately for daughter's party, and secondarily for possible approach to step-son's biological father, who'd verbally said he'd like son to live with him in Australia. My focus/agenda is securing exclusive custody of my daughter.


----
Me: BS (b. 1965)
Wife: WS (b. 1971)
Affair exposed: May 2012. Affair proven: Apr 2012. Affair first suspected: Jan 2011. (Affair started: Late 2010.) ILYBINILWY (said by WW to BH): ~Sep 2009
DD: b. 2005. Married: May 2005. Met: Jul 2002. DSS: b. 1999.
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Originally Posted By: igiiroko
Thanks, but I'm not sure I understand, MelodyLane: "explain" to whom - to WS, or to Exposure audience?


To your exposure audience.

Quote:
Remember, I have evidence of a relationship, not of co-habitation. WS doesn't know I now have that evidence (screenshots of Facebook and email arguments between WS and OM): she is in blissful ignorance of the fact that I am NOT in blissful ignorance of her doings.

She doesn't announce she's off to shag or shack with some other guy -- she just leaves, and when I ask, she'll name one of three girl friends with whom she'll be "partying, then crashing".


Where is your wife staying?

Quote:

Delay is immediately for daughter's party, and secondarily for possible approach to step-son's biological father, who'd verbally said he'd like son to live with him in Australia. My focus/agenda is securing exclusive custody of my daughter.


I would not delay this any longer. It is not necessary. Confront her today and then expose the affair after the party. You can focus on securing custody of your daughter after you have exposed.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I now plan to do just that, tho' I need to finish assembling list of WS's friends' email addresses for Exposure. Got OM's Facebook friends/contacts already. Thanks.


----
Me: BS (b. 1965)
Wife: WS (b. 1971)
Affair exposed: May 2012. Affair proven: Apr 2012. Affair first suspected: Jan 2011. (Affair started: Late 2010.) ILYBINILWY (said by WW to BH): ~Sep 2009
DD: b. 2005. Married: May 2005. Met: Jul 2002. DSS: b. 1999.
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Got WS contacts. Need to build Facebook page, then I'll be ready for Exposure aka the Tsunami of Truth. I'm itching to Expose now, although the coaching seems to be to wait until after our daughter's party on Sat. Thanks.


----
Me: BS (b. 1965)
Wife: WS (b. 1971)
Affair exposed: May 2012. Affair proven: Apr 2012. Affair first suspected: Jan 2011. (Affair started: Late 2010.) ILYBINILWY (said by WW to BH): ~Sep 2009
DD: b. 2005. Married: May 2005. Met: Jul 2002. DSS: b. 1999.
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More importantly, confronted WS this morning. As expected, she denied and bluffed and even demanded proof. I simply re-stated "I know you are having an affair with OM, and I want it to stop, and that's that."

That was on the 10min drive to the station. Since I dropped her off, she's called four or five times, and sent four or five denying and progressively rude messages. I've ignored them all.

I'm itching to go straight to Exposure as soon as I finish building Facebook page, but I'll probably take MB coaching and wait until Sun, after 7yo daughter's party on Sat.


----
Me: BS (b. 1965)
Wife: WS (b. 1971)
Affair exposed: May 2012. Affair proven: Apr 2012. Affair first suspected: Jan 2011. (Affair started: Late 2010.) ILYBINILWY (said by WW to BH): ~Sep 2009
DD: b. 2005. Married: May 2005. Met: Jul 2002. DSS: b. 1999.
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Coaches, please comment on this modified Exposure e-mail to WS contacts:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the life of WS. You may know that WS has been spending progressively more time away from home starting from the odd Friday or Saturday night, but now averaging four or five nights a week. I am profoundly saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a man named OM OM who resides in OMville. He has a two-year-old child born around the time that he met OM, and he has older children as well. The purpose of OMs many absences from me and the children at home is so that she can carry on her affair without our interference.

WS refuses to end the affair. In fact, she denies the affair, even though I have seen proof of key-drops at hotel receptions, invitations to travel together up-country when she was ostensibly going away on business for her employer, and indeed semi-nude pictures of them together. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my wife, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with WS to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage and our family.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,
BS.

Thanks.


----
Me: BS (b. 1965)
Wife: WS (b. 1971)
Affair exposed: May 2012. Affair proven: Apr 2012. Affair first suspected: Jan 2011. (Affair started: Late 2010.) ILYBINILWY (said by WW to BH): ~Sep 2009
DD: b. 2005. Married: May 2005. Met: Jul 2002. DSS: b. 1999.
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No I'm sorry to say, we can't right now

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So I exposed tonight. I have no major insight, except that I would say DEFINITELY space your messages at least 60 seconds apart (and maybe every 10 or so wait a bit longer). I got shut down, sadly:) Still got quite a few done, but I wish I'd been able to do more. So I don't know what the difference is with some people saying 30 seconds, or you can do a few close together. Didn't work for me. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Good luck!


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

My Story
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An ingenious facebook exposure tactic devised by board member, Rainysweet, is to include a link in your facebook exposure letters to a private webpage with evidence of the affair. Instead of telling exposure targets to write you for the evidence of the affair, all they have to do is click on the provided link and the evidence pops right up! Rainysweet - who says she is not computer savvy - simply uploaded a photo of the infidels together along with a scanned card from the OW to her WH in the OW's handwriting professing her "lurve." This added great impact to her exposure, especially since the very deceitful, manipulative OW was denying her affair to all and playing the victim.

Here are Rainysweet's instructions - thank you Rainysweet!!

Originally Posted By: Rainysweet
Thanks:)

I cannot claim genius for the web page - someone else gave me the idea. (It helps to work with a group of brilliant teachers who find the most amazing things. Most of us acquire a knack for tapping into amazing FREE things, as well:) I, honestly, am a bit technologically challenged. It took me probably 2 hours to set it up when all was said and done. Someone gifted at computers could probably do it much faster. It's very simple.


SETTING UP A WEB SITE:

*All you have to do is go to weebly.com. Enter name, email, set a password, and click "sign up." You might want to set up a new email to link to it, not use your regular one. People viewing your site do not have access to your email. It's mainly just for login, I think. But I set up a new one anyway, just for my own peace of mind.

It walks you through the steps. You name your site. You can do only 1 page, or add as many as you want. It's already formatted nicely, my friends thought it was a professional website that I had just posted to. You can enter text, and upload photos from your computer.

It gives an option to set up a blog. I would strongly advise against that. If you do a blog, other people can post comments, etc. You don't want this to turn into a mud-slinging or 10,000 questions site. You want the impact to be - here's the evidence, see what you need to see, have a nice day. You want to stay in control of it, not open it up to other people (supportive or unsupportive). I didn't put OW's name on the site at first, but people told me I needed to so it would be clear who she was.

I did include a couple of comments, but mostly I wanted the impact to be from the evidence, not me shooting off at the mouth. I also received feedback to include her maiden name, her whole name as it appears on Facebook, so high school friends would still recognize her. I scanned in a card from her to my husband with just a simple message, about love and forever:) in HER handwriting, and then a few pictures. Enough to get the point across. Be reasonably tasteful.

I can't find exactly where it is without going through all the steps again, but near the end there is an option to "set search engines." DON'T do that. You want it to be a private site that someone can't just look for - they have to have a direct link.

You can go back in and edit anytime - add or remove pages, photos, etc. If you leave it open and don't log out, it will appear as something like, "site maintenance underway, currently unavailable, check back." If you ever need to turn it off for a bit for some reason (in my case, I was trying to get a more incriminating photo) that makes it unavailable to people, but shows them they can come back.

Make sure you have a strong password, maybe reset it often - that's easy to do as well (and another reason for setting up a new email as your username, one that people do not know). It will show you the website link at the end.

I put a note at the bottom of my exposure letter that said, "I am not going to subject anyone to images they do not want to see. If you want to see proof of this affair you can go to: website." FB automatically posts it as a link.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Ah, shucks, Melody blush

I kinda thought I was breaking the rules a little actually, but it was far better for me - Look at it or don't. I didn't want the burden of sending out proof, and too many people were questioning and doubting with the unbelievable facade this little skank has kept up for so long. I would guess most people would not have sent me a request for proof and may have believed her garbage. But I think most people would click on a link that no one's gonna know about, just to see. And then it's right there in their face, they chose to look at it - I didn't force it on them. What are they gonna say?

Then they go to OW's page and read her, "There are no words . . . thank you, friends, for not believing such vicious lies." think

I also blocked my friend list and photos and everything on fb, but I left it so people could send me private messages if they wanted to - all while looking at the sweet profile picture of my family. Didn't want to totally hide, but stand behind what I said. The one unbelievably nasty message I got, I blocked that person ASAP, after sending her a quick pleasant reply. "Thanks for your opinion. Hope she doesn't come after your husband! Have a great day." (Thanks, BrainHurts for that ingenious response! I would have been at a loss without you!)

Oh, and you know what? I think it was actually a blessing that it took me 3 nights to expose to everyone. In fact, if you can survive on no sleep for days at a time, I might suggest it, breaking it up into 2 or 3 nights. She blocked her friend list after the first night. (Lucky for me, I followed the "save it to a word doc" advice). She had me blocked before then, so I'm sure it played with her tiny mind to wonder how I got access to her list in the first place???

I sent out a whole slew of new messages the second night. Freaked her out a little more, I think. And then the third night . . . and I finished up this morning. So it came in waves - more people seeing the garbage, bigger and bigger tidal wave coming. Feeling of dread building up in her . . . "who knows what this psycho BW will do next?" 'Bout time she had to feel some of that horrible feeling. She sure knows how to dish it out.

Wish you all luck!


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

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Gah! .. you beat me to it pray! .. smile

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Dr Harley wrote the following:
Mon Jun 18 2012

Originally Posted By: Dr. Harley
JOEneedshelp:

My position on exposure to children has been consistent over the years for a host of reasons: Tell them about the affair as soon as you discover it. The primary reason for this type of exposure is that they should know eventually anyway, even if the marriage is on the road to recovery, because it gives them accurate information about what their mom and dad are going through. If the marriage is headed for recovery, the unfaithful spouse is usually willing to go along with the revelation. But if the affair is still ongoing, or if the recovery is not very solid, the unfaithful spouse will resist the exposure, and become very upset when it's made. Then, it's especially important to expose the affair to the children because it generally speeds up the death of the affair. Affairs don't always die a natural death, but exposure speeds up whatever would have happened without it.

Joyce is correct in observing that it's a tough call when the children are 6 and 4, and she tells me that she didn't say not to tell them, but left if up to Joe's judgment. But my position has been that, tough or not, it's the right thing to do. When the marriage is recovered, it's a great lesson for the children to explain how vulnerable parents are to this very insidious enemy of marriage.


Thanks, Doc.

Link to original

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Exposure is an important means of getting the truth out there and countering the waywards history re write and denigration of the BS. This is important not only in killing the A, but helping the BS find support. If reconciliation is possible it also helps recovery if family and have friends were aware of the truth, if not their view of the BS can impact marital recovery and contact may need to be cut.


Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14

"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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Another excellent radio clip on the importance of exposure and why. Dr. Harley also explains all the steps that need to be taken to recover from an affair.
Radio clip on steps to take to revover from an Affair


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Moved to SAA at request of OP.

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Originally Posted By: Fireproof
Moved to SAA at request of OP.


Yay!!

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