He has hit you and you didn't file a report?

EVERY time he threatens or touches you OR your children or displays any bit of violence, the police should be called and a report filed. EVERY time. Do you realize that?

I would be pushing hard for supervised visitation if he sees the kids at all...

It doesn't sound to me like there is that much to negotiate over in terms of settling your D, except for his making it seem he is "giving" you extra by agreeing to direct deposit and this promise of extra sum of cash for you backyard, so I am not sure that I understanding this push to sign the papers before he gets pi$$ed off about PO/Plan B etc...

RS did you ever find an IM? Is it someone who is local or an anonymous IM?

I concur with SusieQ. Every time he exhibits dangerous or violent behavior in any way, you need to contact the police. I don't know about Utah, but in our state the police can press charges and do not even need the victim to do so. You just need to get them there to collect your statement/evidence, and then they handle it from there.

Black_raven is her IM.

Great.

Yes! Black Raven on here volunteered to be my IM - bless her.

Rainy, whenever you expose, your WH is gonna be spitting mad. Even if you have a PO, he'll try to break it. Whether WH and OW are together or not when you expose won't matter. They will still communicate, and OW will tell your WH that he needs to get you under control, and he will most likely threaten you with TONNES of things, no more CS, getting full custody of your kids.

You should expose, sooner rather than later.

If you have already hashed out the details for a legal separation, which was done with a lawyer's advice, and can be converted into a divorce decree, then what are you looking for here? Your WH will toss you crumbs to get you to do what he wants, and in the time he wants them.

My suggestion is to expose, get yourself into PB, let the storm rage around you, and when the dust settles, you can decide what you would like to do.

I think she plans to wait until at least after tonight's party for her daughter to do so.

Yes, expose the affair, rainy. Don't wait any longer, don't put it off any more. Hopefully you realize now that your reasons for not calling the police were bad reasons.

I agree again.

Rainy - I would suggest an in-person exposure with your minister. Show him the threat of financial harm. I think he will have a solution that will put some steel in your Plan B. And some teeth in your exposure of OW.

Rainy, how are your exposure plans coming along?

I did this, actually, just this week. He is going to contact OW's minister (this has been done before, but he said he needs to know the extent of things), and also told me not to worry about the "losing your house in 2 months threat." He said if WH really follows through with this threat, the church will help me for the 2 months it takes to haul his butt into court. Huge relief! That would be a last resort, of course, but at least I have a fall-back to help me through if it comes to that.

I think I need to revise exposure letter slightly - he came over again last night, has not been served PO yet. "It's a civil matter." By the time police got there, he left. That is something - he must have figured out I'm standing up. Normally, he would have banged on the door for half an hour.

I need to include that I have a PO on him, that he has turned violent in the exposure letter. I am 99% sure he left to spend weekend with OW. I lean toward leaving the weekend to her freaking out about him showing up without a signed D, letting that be the focus rather than them uniting against me as the common enemy again for exposing. Exposing when he's on his way home, maybe? Or the day after he gets here, so the PO is served on him before he comes after me in a violent rage? That makes it easier to get the permanent PO.

What do you think? I appreciate your vet advice, and taking time to worry about my petty problems. Thank you, ML.

Rainy,

I find your thread so so frustrating to read, Im sorry but I do and that's why I haven't posted yet but really rainy enough is enough. Expos� already.

What's BEST for your kids is to have an intact family unit and for your WH to go back on his meds and sort his life out and become a decent human being again, no ifs buts or maybes. D is irrelevant right now. PO is in place doesent matter when he gets served.

If he is with OW or on mount Everest DOES NOT MATTER all that matters is that you stop over thinking every tiny little step and get on with exposing no more delays. Delaying and failing to take action have landed you in this state.

ML has clearly already advised you to expose NOW. How many times does she have to tell you the same thing???
I'm sorry I know your struggling, I know your kids are struggling but you really need to do something to stop second guessing and therefore freezing up instead of taking action.

Go to your PC sit down with a nice cup of hot drink and start exposing, your exposure letter is good and has been approved by MB, then send plan B letter to your WH ( again this has been vetted by MB so your good to go). That's it, that's what you have to do today.

Tomorrow you can go back to thinking about your WH divorce offer, if he's that desperate to divorce today and offering you a "good deal" there is no reason to think this will change. One step at a time and they aren't all as interlinked or as relevant to each other as you think.

1)expose
2)plan B
3) you can then consider the D offer.

If anyone here disagrees with this please say so if not Rainy your good to go.

Rainy, the exposure letter was already too long so don't change it anymore. Just expose today and be done with it.

Okay. Thanks, all. I did mail the Plan B letter yesterday. I'll get on exposure.

Good girl!

Are you exposing to the OW's contacts on facebook? Who all is on your exposure list?

Sorry I missed the part where you sent the plan B letter, well done.

Exposure will finally show that you are standing up to the vile OW.

Remember Dont respond to any negative replies you get from exposure, any people who condone marriage wrecking skanks behaviour don't deserve an acknowledgement.

ITA with NB28. Exposure will show you who is a real friend of your marriage and who is not. When/if your marriage is patched up you will know who to avoid.