You're all hilarious. Pepper, I read that post again and LOVE it. It is so true! That's why his nickname is Pinoke (Pinnochio). He is nothing but a puppet. You're so right, all of it. I gotta just relax. Thanks:)

Next time Pinoche says something vile .... remember
You need not ask "Why did he say that?", or "How could he say something so awful?"

It's his A-hole speaking.

You're right! I just read one of his absolutely horrid emails. He sent it to me 3 days after I had surgery, just to reassure me that there was no hope, I was a total idiot for assuming his love for his children had anything to do with me (him loving his kids is news to me - told me a few days before this to sit the "mother f-ers" down and tell them he was no longer supporting them because they were ungrateful burdens he had never wanted), he had never loved me in the 26 years we'd been together, he was seeing rodent every week, couldn't live without her, I was a moron to think he'd kept his promise (to his kids) to keep her away, blahblahblah. Oh, and I could not keep his poor kids from him who needed him so badly. ??? Had made no effort whatsoever to see them in 4 months, in fact blew them off when they tried to arrange it a couple of times. So sad. All I could think was that maybe he was realizing the whore had cost him his children, and she couldn't have that. So she had to start nipping at him over that too, ordering him to make demands about kids he hasn't cared about in a year and a half.

Totally uncalled for and unprovoked. He was with her. I really couldn't believe he would stoop to such horribleness, but I knew she was sitting there yapping at him and demanding he send it. So bizarre. Why wasn't she just enjoying their blissful time together? Why when he takes her to the airport does she have to make certain he sends me some horrible, hurtful message before she gets back on the plane, just to prove she's in charge? If they are so happy together, why don't they just be happy instead of trying to make my life and my children's lives hell every chance they get? Why is he so stupid that he can't see all she cares about is her ego trip and trying to shatter his wife and kids to prove she can? Sick, twisted mess.

You're right. It is her hand up his butt making his mouth waggle. They aren't even his words. Disgusting, vile little creature. Blech.

What a brilliant post Pep! I love the last line

Rainy keep this in mind and you'll be able to laugh at anything he says

Hey rainy really happy for you that you got your PO and your family is protected.

The story I was going to share involves one of my close friends (let's call her JJ for now) and her bipolar husband ( lets call him MM for now).

JJ was married to MM for 10 years they had two lovely kids a boy and a girl, they were happy and MM was on his meds and all was going well until...

MM stopped his medication and one day went to work and never came back, me and JJ were very concerned, we contacted a local paper to put an appeal to find him and printed posters and put them up around town and eventually contacted the police to list him as a missing person.

The police contacted us to inform us they had traced Him following a bank card withdrawal and he was ok but didn't give us any more information.

A week later he contacted JJ and informed her he was in a town two hours away and he was staying with a "friend". Following much crying and pleading from JJ MM returned home and confessed he was with OW he met online and had PA.

JJ immediately forgave him because she had already been through alot and didn't want to lose him the OW was informed and the contact between them ended.

So a few months later MM Started acting strangely again, he was spending alot of time with one of JJ s friends and her H. So JJ being a clever lady followed him one way and when she peered through her friends window she saw MM having sex with her friend on the sofa. JJ was very angry and this completely drained her LB. the friends BH was informed and MM was beaten and shunned from that family so that A also ended.

But MM behaviour continued and he even tried to kiss me one day and I Informed JJ immediately and her anger and resentment of MM grew and grew until one day he made a comment to her regarding one of the OW deserving his attention and she does not and that was it JJ asked MM to leave.

This woke MM up and he started doing everything he can to convince JJ to forgive him and work on the M. But it really was too late for JJ and she gave him a time scale to move out and filed for D.

MM became severely depressed and even went as far as not washing or eating, he had hit the bipolar low. He still refused his meds. The D came through but MM had not moved out. JJ had an operation and met someone special while in hospital recovering. She came home and asked MM to move out again this time giving him a definite deadline. MM didn't move he knew about JJ new relationship and was deteriorating by the day, he was begging and pleading with JJ to take him back but she had moved on.

When JJs new partner moved in MM had no choice but to leave, he was in such a bad state that he ended up in a psychiatric ward for 3 months, but when he was released he refused any help and preferred to live as a homeless hobo wondering the streets of our town in rags.

6 years later I still see him sometimes wondering around town, I say hello and he recognises me, I ask him if he has seen his kids or even contacted them and the answer is always no. He asks me how his wife is tells me that he loves her and he does not care what the divorce paper says to him they are still married. I always tell him to sort his situation out and go see his kids. He looks at me with a blank stare in his eyes.

He is a shell of the man I used to know, it was sad seeing him pick up cigarette ends in the street and wonder around in rags with long hair so matted and a long beard.

JJ married her new partner but he unfortunately died of cancer a year later.

Two years after that she met her current husband and she is happy and settled.

So rainy I wanted to share this with you because of the bipolar link. Once he is off him meds things can only go downhill for him.

Gosh. Thanks, NB. You are right. Bipolar and an out of control sex addiction (sounds like maybe MM suffered from that as well possibly?). He is not going anywhere good.

I do think all I can do is protect my kids at this point. Thanks for the validation. Sad.

No he definitely did not have sex addiction, he was a good husband and father for over 10 years yet the minute he stopped taking the meds he changed. It's like once he got the confidence to have the first A he went our looking for more and more.

He had a loving wife a nice job a lovely home and great kids. His father had bipolar and walked out on him when he was young so he swore he would never put his kids through that.

Now he has nothing a part from the old clothes on his back. It makes me sad every time I see him walking around our town. I have reached out and tried to help him from time to time by trying to get him seen by the psyche unit who also arrange a warm place for him to sleep get him on meds and help him find housing and get well but he just checks in then walks out. He's a shell of the man we used to know. He is the reason why I worry about your WH going off meds, bipolar disorder is complicated and although the choices he is making are his own the strength to brake it off with OW and do the right thing might be more complicated to summon.

Very, very true. I think that's why we saw a difference in him in Nov/Dec. He was taking his meds consistently for awhile - totally changes who he is. Prior to that he'd been on again/off again, here/there since he left home. He says it's me - he only had to be on drugs to live with me. He's told his family I forced him to be on meds he didn't need so I could turn him into a zombie and control him. Intersting viewpoint, given his life now, isn't it? Guess I bamboozled those doctors who thought he needed it badly enough to prescribe it all those years too. The kids and I could tell if he missed even one day when he lived with us. That was the one thing I would still harp on him about after 20 years - "please take your medicine."

I think he's so self unaware. But then he told me he had to stay off his meds in order to "destroy me and hate his own kids." So maybe he knows what he's doing. The highs of the affair are higher, and he feels all kinds of power in his rage right now. He is full of hate and venom, with no feeling and no remorse. Guess that helps if you're bent on starving your kids to get to their mother. I almost wish he would crash and go into the depression. Might be eye-opening for him and rodent.

When he lived at home, every time he went to see her, he went off his meds for the day or 2 he was with her. Part of the high, or made him so he didn't have to think clearly and feel what he was doing to his family maybe, I don't know.

Also interesting that he told the judge at the PO that he had "just barely ordered a years' supply of refills for his medication." And said he had proof. That was bizarre. So he clearly knows he needs it, was afraid about going to court and having it be an issue. He told the judge I also take AD. The judge said, "You can have issues, and be on medication. It's going off the medication that's irresponsible and shows a lack of judgment. That concerns me."

It is sad. He is like this raging monster, but I still wonder if anything of him remains in there, and think how sad if it does - that he's so trapped. No idea how I can still pity him. Must be something wrong with me:)

I'm sorry for your friend and her WH. Sad life. Glad to hear she is doing okay now. Very sad for him. You keep referring to him as a "shell." That's what I think all the time too. I've told people that. "He's just a burned out shell."

Guess the whole mess ties in together, and I do think if he took his meds consistently so he was thinking clearly, that it would not be nearly so easy for him to continue in this nightmare affair and destroy everything.

Thanks for sharing the story.

Rainy it all makes sense, but remember where there is a high there is a ver very rock bottom low and he can't run away from it forever. All it's going to take is one fight with the OW, one bad day, one conscience attack and he will be heading down the slippery path.

I also have other friends with bipolar who are on meds and they are all ok because of the meds and the regular check ups and medication review so the meds are the key but they are still responsible for their actions so don't feel bad for him he's making his own choices and you have done the right thing by trying to guide him in the right direction but he refuses to help himself so you have no choice but to walk away from the drama for your own sanity and the well being of your children.

Sometimes knowing when to give up is more courageous than fighting on and risking more emotional brakedowns.

Rainy, I'm curious as to whether the meds effected your H's libido?

So, how is Plan B going? What plans are you making to Plan A yourself and the kids?

Yes, they did reduce his sex drive to . . . shall we say a manageable level? It wasn't a bad impact, it was a good one. But makes it less of a high with an affair and his sex addiction. I'm sure that's part of why he's off.

Plan B is good, but Plan D is in there too, and unfortunately ugly. Nice that he cannot communicate directly with me.

How ugly do things have to get, seriously? Clearly, this man is not used to me standing up to him and not bowing down to his threats. Seems so strange to me that he keeps ranting about how I ran his life, I'm so controlling, etc. He always did whatever he wanted, up to and including this horrific affair. Was to the point of physical abuse and violence, even toward his kids, threatening and withholding child support. So horrible. He always controlled me like that, off and on, our entire marriage. (Much better when he was on his meds, but still ups and downs).

So the more I stand up, the worse he gets. He is withholding all financial support. Now he canceled my bank card. I tried to use it at an ATM tonight just to check the balance and see if he'd put anything in there, and it took the card, like I was a criminal. Not sure how he can even legally do that.

I don't want to post too much where he could possibly read it (very doubtful, but possible). But he already violated the PO, I reported it, now DS17 is mad at me. Sigh.

His whole life was this stupid affair. Now his whole life is how he can destroy me. Why can't he just live his stupid life instead of having to have some obsessive addiction in one form or another all the time? I wish I could forcibly check him into a hospital for serious help.

How did he become so absolutely dark? There just is nothing left of him. I'm tired of fighting. I just want him to give me the money he promised to take care of my children, and go away.

What I've never understood, is if he's so happy with OW, why didn't he just go be happy with her and quit tormenting me and the kids? If she's so happy with him, why does she demand he torment us? Why doesn't she just live in bliss and forget my kids and me exist?

And now - I finally stand up and he just gets uglier and uglier, worse and worse, more and more horrible. It's like he's demonic at this point - literally. No soul. No longer cares if his kids starve or get thrown in the street, uses anyone - including his own children - for whatever he can get out of them, regardless of any pain or damage he causes them.

I exposed the affair, got the PO. The world knows, so why don't Pinoke and rodent just take off into the sunset together now? No more appearances to keep up. No clue what's going on with them. Quite certain he spent Memorial Day weekend with her, only one weekend ago - after the exposure. So it can't be destroyed yet. I don't even care if it is or isn't; I just don't want to deal with him or rodent ever again.

When does the nightmare ever end, really?

I'm tired. I want to say I have no love left for the man, don't care what happens to him. That's true, to an extent - finally. Which is both a relief, and a terrible sadness.

But I still feel haunted by glimpses of him I saw months ago, or when he was home, or his trembling hands in the courtroom pulling pictures of our little children out of an envelope - pictures I sent him, pictures he planned to use against me to show I didn't fear him because I'd tried to love him - yet to see some tiny bit of fear and humanity in him, to remember those hands holding our babies - it still breaks my heart. (Same hands that grope some filthy hooker, so how can I care when I want to throw up and strangle him?) I hate what he is. Miss who he was. And I guess I'm his mom. His mother is a whore, just like rodent. I kinda was his mom, the only one he ever had. I still feel some pull to protect the broken child inside of him. Makes me sad, and furious with myself.

It is what it is, I guess. I'm so grateful to not have to see or talk to him. But I can't avoid reminders of him with daily life - can't pay the bills, stressed about feeding my kids, DS17's anger at me - all results of his recent actions.

Bizarre conglomeration of feelings, all of this. I no longer just pine for him and miss him, ache for my husband. My husband is just dead and gone. But I do feel sadness. And I so long for peace at this point - just the peace of knowing I can take care of my children, get on with life, and be free from the turmoil he brings to all our lives.

DS12 asked me if I will date when the D is final, if I might get married again someday. I told him maybe. Couldn't imagine it for a very long time - not up until the past couple of months really. But I can think about it occasionally now.

Little son said, "I would love that if you did, Mom, just so you know. I want you to be happy. And I really want to have a dad someday." How heartbreaking is that? Okay, so 12 isn't so little. But he is my baby, and he was only 8 when all of this started. He wants a dad someday.

How can Pinoke be such a rotten jerk? How?

What absolute fool does this to his family, and his own life?

Aaaaarrrrrggghh!

oh rainy, that is heartbreaking. but how sweet and insightful! from the mouths of babes. enjoy your little man.

i wish there were some magic wand. there isn't, and what wand you have at hand you've already waved. now, just do what you can until the D is final. pinoke is going to be more like humpty dumpty soon, sadly.

you have your health, your kids, a decent job. things could be much, much worse. and you have a future to look forward to now, as well. not the future you planned or hoped for, but one nonetheless, that is drama and violence-free, my friend. enjoy the peace.

Your son sounds great

Rainy, I'm sorry Pinoke violated PO and is still causing you grief. He is struggling with the fact that he can no longer control you and that you have taken a stand against him and the A. I think your possibly feeling the anticlimax of a wonderful exposure, the success of obtaining the permanent PO and dealing with Pinoke's behaviour during that anticlimax.

You mentioned if he is happy why doesn't he leave you alone... the thread Anger and Affairs may give you some insight ... you may have read it, if so another look may help.

DS17's reaction to you contacting the police after the PO violation is sad Teenagers as we both know are self centred and caught up in their own feelings/handling of the situation. They also need someone to be angry at and unfortuantely that sometimes is the person they know is the stable loving parent. I know its not easy,I can relate with my own DD16, think back to the advice S Harley gave you.

As for DS12 give him a huge hug. Its sad knowing he wants a father figure in his life and Pinoke is not capable of that at the moment, but its wonderful that he wants you to be happy and know that he is ok with you moving forward.

You have grown in strength and confidence, you will get through this, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though sometimes it seems hard to see.

Thanks, Letty. You are right, of course. Sad, but true. Good point about my health even. I've been sick more this past couple of years, and especially the past year, than ever in my life, had to have an unexpected surgery, my hair started falling out, had to get on thyroid medication. I did realize when you said that that I have felt better this past month, since I got the surgery over with, than I have in quite awhile. I never considered myself a sickly or unhealthy person, just all the stress started hitting me physically, I know. Getting him out of my system, to a degree, has helped with that even. Very true. The constant anxiety of him showing up, threatening - that is gone.

My son is great, Indie. I have 4 great kids. Even though DS17 is struggling with me, they do all love me. I won't lose my kids. Pinoke has. Sad for him. I think about that - giving up your children, your grandchildren, family reunions, all those happy things I can look forward to - for some bimbo. How heartbreakingly stupid. And his own fault for dragging it all down so far, to such complete destruction. We will be okay.

Thanks for the words of wisdom, Happy. Kinda dumb that I've said so much about your daughter, and then I don't' know what to do with my son:) I like the thought of the anticlimax that things are just falling apart for him. I hope so. I'm sure he has promised Rodent at every turn that he would get this all handled, and that she is livid that he has not. That's how it goes with them. Up until now, she has been able to manipulate him, and he has been able to control me. Neither of them is in charge of this anymore. I'm sure they are both furious. Happy thought:)

Off to work and another day.

Thank you all, for words of encouragement and rays of hope to get through it. Best to all of you today too:)

This is tough, tough, tough, tough stuff. No doubt about it.

You are meeting the challenge presented to you with as much courage as a person could muster up and will continue to do so.

It's a bad day. A very bad day, I admit. But I don't even know if exposure was the right thing. I have just "confirmed" for everyone that I really am the monster pinoke and rodent have accused me of being all this time, poor them. See? They were right. His wife really is a crazy psycho, poor man has had to deal with all these years, no wonder he left.

It's too late to damage the affair. Probably sealed it, if anything. He's taken away all support. My kids are suffering and mad at me over it.

At least when I was kind and loving while he spit in my face, people couldn't blame me for it - including him. Now it just makes me look like the monster while rodent is some poor picked on innocent little being who can't help that my WH wants her instead of me.

No idea how this will ever end, how the ugliness will ever stop. Could end up fighting in court with him for years, while my kids lose their house and have no life.
What was the point of all this? Psychob*tch rodent will never rest, will never give in, she has to WIN. Just sparked her rabid ferociousness even more. She'll let us all die in the process. She'll never go away, never quit yapping at him to make my life worse and worse hell.

His family even turned on me, after 3 1/2 years. He's got it built into how he is the biggest victim on the planet at my hands. Even the PO, I fabricated it all because he "tried to talk to his own daughter." Like a judge issues a PO for that, on the whim of a vindictive wife. Not a permanent one, fighting his lawyer in court. What good did it do me?

I hate him, I hate that ridiculous b*tch skank, I hate this nightmare. I hate what I've become.

Now he can blame me. If he'd left and done all this with me still being nice and loving, he would have had only himself to blame for the hell his life became for the rest of his life, instead of being on a lifelong mission to make me as miserable as he is.

I have no way out now but to fight harder, through more hell, which may end up only even digging me in deeper. I can't take care of my kids without this jerk's money and insurance.

Really - does exposure ever help anyone? Maybe early on. How do you ever get out of a nightmare like this intact? No idea. There is no bottom, I've decided. You can always go lower. It always does. Down, down down. I thought I was getting me and my kids off, but I think I just pushed the fast forward into even more down and darkness button.

I just want it to end. It never will. I will never be able to give my kids the life they had, even the life they had before I did this when I still had financial support, even if I had to "beg for it." We will all have to deal with this ugly nightmare mess for the rest of our lives. I wanted it gone, and I made it bigger.

I am grateful for my kids, but there's a big part of me who wishes I didn't have them right now. What kind of life is this? No one wants their kids to go through this hell. I can't get them out, they've lost their dad and half their family, they're scarred for life, and they blame me.