Unfriend the vulture immediately and really think of getting off FB. If not permanently, for awhile. I was off for several months just because. FB had nothing to do with my A either. My H didn't ask me to get off either, I just needed to get away from everyone knowing my business.

I know why you do not want to get off FB, because you feel this is the only way you can see what your H is doing. But you have to prove that you are trustworthy. Perhaps if you got off it might inspire him to get off or even question you about it. I even think it might stress you out less not keeping an eye on him via FB. Believe me, I know it is hard but it is necessary.

I was impressed w/how you were doing and now you are stubbornly refusing to get rid of FB and not taking the counsel given here. Why would you refuse to do all you can do to prove yourself to your BH? Is FB really worth it? I think not!

I have no idea if he's accessed any of my accounts that i've supplied the passwords for.

Yes, i suppose i should just accept that FB is an addiction for me. I check it everyday and go through the feed to see what's new. I guess my reluctance of going off is that feeling of isolation since everyone i know uses it. And it feels like a 'normal' addiction for everyone!

Yep, you are also right about no response to vulture. It's actually none of his business either.

Ok so i guess i'm now ready to admit that i need to get rid of FB. Now the hard part... doing it.

Thanks for kicking my butt about this guys. It feels like it sucks now but i know i'll thank you for it down the track... just like i did when i finally got my A into G and send NC letter and EP's out. And asked myself... WHY didn't i do this sooner!!!

Who cares?
Do this right now.

BV,
I thought it would be a lot harder as well. I used to be a FB junkie posting pics and writing status updates all of the time. My H and I used to even compete with each other on the number of friends we had.

Now, I barley get on. Don't really give a crap about anyone else's life or what they know about me. I got rid of every male friend I had unless I am related to them. My H completely got rid of his and has mine on his phone. I would not even be on except for my BF is living in Italy and fb is the only way I can keep in touch with her. It was actually my Hs idea for me to get back on but he gets access to my account.

If it wasn't for her and my H suggesting it, I would not be on at all.

So did our kicks in the butt help?

DID YOU GET RID OF FACEBOOK?

I really value keeping in touch with people that have moved away etc... and seeing the photos. But i value my marriage alot more and so i guess that i can do without that type of social interaction for now!

haha there's actually a scientific scale that measures 'facebook addiction' - awesome.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/05/120507102054.htm

Ok so i've been doing some thinking about UA time. I understand that if my H decides to commit to restoring the marriage then Dr. Harley would reccomend 25 hrs a week to begin with.

I need some suggestions of types of things (besides, SF and conversation) that would count here. I'd actually like to start seeking this sort of time now as it feels like we are in a 'dating' phase atm (although neither of us have specifically said this). And i've just read that going to the movies doesn't count!

So what does?

We both like running however since our seperation my H has been doing alot of speedwork and is basically now at the stage where he wouldn't be able to run with me because it would be too slow :-( This has been an excellent source of recreational activity for us in the past - we even did a ultra marathon together!

Any ideas welcome please!

bv, FB makes it very hard to leave them. make sure you've deleted any auto-logins you have, or it'll log you right back in again, reinstating your account and you have to do it all again, grr! this includes your computer's browser(s), any password manager, your phone app, and any other device you use to access it.

keeping in touch and seeing photos can be done without FB. email, flickr, etc. i keep a special album in picasa just for my long-distance family to see what we're up to month to month. i tried using a google site, but they're all technologically hopeless!

i was on FB (even though i hated it) for a long time to keep in touch w/friends and family. was on it all the time. finally got fed up and quit. never looked back. if my friends and family want to reach me, share stuff, they know how! and i know i'm special because they make the effort. yeah, i miss the minutiae of my sister's life, but not my cousin's daily moaning about how tough her (very sweet) life is!

BTW, usa friends, "rooting" here means sex (and not the "lovemaking" kind! so when you say you're rooting for someone i see bv was too kind to mention that

Haha thanks for pointing that out Letty!!!

I'm starting to get more and more sold on the deleting FB thing. After thinking about UA time that's needed neither of us would have any time for the blimmin thing anyways!

Hey another question - how do you do those cool cartoon thingees?

when you click one of the "reply" "quote" "quick quote" boxes, you get a little button bar on top of the posting box. the first one on the left is a smiley face. click on that, and it will open a bigger box with lots of choices!

oh my! how exciting! expect me to use alot more of these!

here's one of my favs...

Starting to..., trying to work on starting to get..., considering to think about... are once again mere words and generally mean that you are not doing anything.

How many do you need? Or should NG perform this again?

I couldn't agree more, BV. What's so difficult?

Why hasnt this been done already?

If getting rid of a silly website gives you even one per cent more of a chance of showing how serious you are, why wasnt FB deleted the minute the seriousness of it was shown to you?

If it had been me, I'd have gotten right on it. I would not have been able to WAIT to show a BH I was serious.

It's clear you're addicted to FB and the easy admiration it provides. It isn't real you know. People just go around 'liking' everything they see, so people will like their stuff back. It's just one big fake-out.

I haven't updated my FB status in months because I'd rather come here and talk about real stuff.

And if the vets thought my FB precautions werent serious enough, or my boundaries in blocking messages not high enough - it would be GONE.

People who matter are people you can speak to on the phone/email or skype.

If you're H knows you at all, I'm sure he didnt buy the whole 'I'll go without FB' promise. Judging by your reaction here, he knows full well how high your addiction to it is, and how long you spend on there. I doubt he feels the marriage is as important to you.

I am sure that if you told him you've ditched it to pledge your seriousness to EPs ahead of time, he would be impressed.

Agreeing with Indie and MrsRecon.

I think you missed my above question.

Have just arrived home from very long day. No fb access at work so didn't get a chance to do anything...

But... i'm about to hit the button that suspends my a/c, again!

Dun dun

BTW... i reckon i'm just as addicted to checking for new posts on here!