I'm hoping that he doesn't have to be there to restore it to the docket. It won't be the actual divorce date. I have the text from him saying he knows about it and that he might not be able to go. I guess I'll have to wait to see. If anything I'll serve him again if I have to

Good luck tomorrow and stay strong.

Thanks. I will.

Oh and I don't know about CT but in some states even if the other person doesn't show up they can still restore the docket.

The case has been restored to docket. Im feeling a mix of emotions. This doesnt seem real. I don't know what to feel. Part of me wants it over and another part of me doesn't. Want to fix what is broken but it seems impossible. I feel like my whole world is crumbling down around me. A big part of my life is going to be over. Nothing will be the same.

Nothing will be the same, but how do you know it won't be better?

When you get into Plan B you will heal.

Put together a plan and work it. There will be pain, but if you continue to work the plan you will be a better person.

MB may not be able to save your M, but it will save you if you work it.

So what can you do to start preparing for Plan B? IM?

What self care can you do now for yourself?

My kids,my health and my job

You are blessed!

What self care can you do for yourself today?

I don't know. I'm just so confused. Part of me know I'll always get what I got and it's just a matter of time. The other part thinks what if he changed. I just don't know if after everything I can truly be in love with him like before? the one person that I trusted unconditionally has betrayed me and hurt me like no other. I feel like I'll always be alone and all men are the same. No one can be trusting

"What if's" are a circular mind-game we've all played in our heads. The sooner you abandon this "what if" dilemma, the sooner your thoughts will begin to make sense again. You cannot control the outcome. You do control how you participate.


Your LOVE BANK is empty. If he were to make enough genuine deposits without love-busting behaviors, your balance would eventually be restored to an in-love level.


I've so "been there". Here is a fact which Dr Harley discusses in detail in Love Busters. Paraphrasing: ~~~> Our spouse is uniquely positioned to hurt us more deeply than anyone else in the world.
Your WH is not an exception to this fact. Neither is my H. Neither am I. I am in the unique position to hurt Mr Pep more deeply than anyone else in this world. Fact.


Well then, all women are "the same" as well. Right? If any wife betrayes her husband, that makes all wives guilty. Right?
I hear the coo-coo calling
Now you know how unreasonable and illogical feelings are. They just are. Because you feel something does not make it true. Your feeling is not a fact.


Well, your guard is certainly up. Appropriately so.
One tends to "flinch" once they have been sucker-punched.

Hang in there Frenchie. I promise things will not always seem so gloomy.

Can anyone recommend any good books that you may think would be good for him to read?

You can only control your participation. You cannot "massage" the outcome.
You want to. You are desperate to.

If you want to make a suggestion, suggest he contact MB and make an appointment for coaching.

Love Busters
Surviving an Affair

Pepperband is absolutely right. Absolutely, absolute right.

You cannot massage the outcome or fix it by giving him a book.

You, personally, might try listening to Marriage Builders radio. You'll learn a lot about what it takes for someone to change. You'll hear other people in situations that are relevant to yours.

Reading and posting around here can help, too.

There is a slim remote chance he might wake up if he were to actually read Love Busters and Surviving an Affair. There is a chance someone from the coaching center could get through to him.

But it is his work to do, his changes to make.

Frenchie .... a reminder of the facts as presented by you:


* I found out after we were married he cheated with his ex who he had a son with. She got pregnant and had a daughter by him.

*When we were married 2 years. I found out the had a one night stand.

*A year later found out he had a six month affair with that one night stand. He got her pregnant and she has a daughter.

*He confessed that after I left he had an affair with his half sister over there that he met for the first time after I left.

*Then he admitted to having sex with prostitutes. He even got arrested for it and I didn't know.

*He wanted a divorce and was leaving me for his sister.



Are any of these facts exaggerated or over-stated?

He can read lots of books, but he needs waaaaaay more than that. "How to NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR SISTER" just won't cut it. He needs actual therapy, long-term, and to work on himself separate from you, before he even tries to repair the M.

Whenever there is abuse, and I most definitely count incest as abuse, I believe that the spouses should separate till the abuse is dealt with, and then both are healthy enough to think about rebuilding the M.

Nope. All. All true. Only one that changed is that he doesn't want a divorce. He wants our marriage