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Yep, he could. And you would respond, "You are right, I have failed to meet that need in the past, but I am meeting it now and will continue to in the future. Thank you for looking out for our marriage."
You can also tell him if you honestly feel disgusted by BJs and find alternatives that will satisfy you both.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I told him today I was more committed to our marriage than I probably have ever been. And I told him I was committed to meeting his needs and having a mutually satisfying marriage.
I mean that.
I've been struggling with "standing up for myself" for many months now. If you read my thread I go from one extreme to the other trying to do what is right.
Now I'm starting to feel settled and your answers are shaking me up a bit.
Married 20 yrs
Me:FBW
Him: FWH
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You can also tell him if you honestly feel disgusted by BJs and find alternatives that will satisfy you both. I have CWMI. I have. So many times.
Married 20 yrs
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In 23 weeks I will have a new baby, Prisca.
??
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In 23 weeks I will be having a baby... I had a typo earlier ... I said Plan A for 23 weeks when I meant to type 3 weeks.
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"This is a marriage, that is not, I insist that this be a MARRIAGE, because I am 100% committed to MARRIAGE. We live with each other by invitation only, and if you are not interested in having a MARRIAGE with me, then I cannot continue to live like this." And then what? Smile and go about my day? Then Plan A/B? Then what? Go back and reread all of these posts, slowly. Prisca had a great suggestion. Make your preparations for Plan B. And in the meantime, Plan A your husband, for three weeks. Then, Plan B happens. With no warning to him. You simply are suddenly not there (or he comes home and the locks are changed). Have you read, really read, what other people on this site are doing, outside of your thread? How other people have handled this? Have you ever emailed Dr. Harley's radio show: mbradio@marriagebuilders.com Did you really slowly carefully read those articles Prisca posted? They don't seem to me to give conflicting answers.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Now I'm starting to feel settled and your answers are shaking me up a bit. You are feeling settled? But just a few days ago you were distraught over his IB and balking at EPs?
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I'm thinking...I'm thinking.
It's always different when it is your own situation.
Yes I've read other people's threads. And I read the articles...
Last edited by Anointed; 07/05/12 02:31 PM.
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Now I'm starting to feel settled and your answers are shaking me up a bit. You are feeling settled? But just a few days ago you were distraught over his IB and balking at EPs? A week of loving behavior can do a lot to settle me I guess.
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I am really pissed right now. Back in July 2011 BEFORE being pregnant, BEFORE quitting my job, I was ready to do exactly what you are suggesting to me.
And everyone around me felt the need to talk me out of it. Friends and family...Everyone.
I had HAD it! There was very little he could do to get any feeling out of me because I was just done.
Done!
Then I did go on a journey that taught me much about my crappy side of the street. I'm glad about that.
And now that I'm jobless and pregnant, NOW this is suggested to me?
I feel like I just can't handle looking at this right now. I'm going to run some errands. I'll be back.
Last edited by Anointed; 07/05/12 02:44 PM.
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And what does "get on board with MB" look like? It looks like this: "Honey, I don't like it when you hug women at church." "Oh, I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I won't do it any more if it makes you feel like that. It doesn't matter why." It means getting on board with the POJA, which means that when you say something bother you, it stops! Without a lot of dragging you through arguments and debate and negotiation about it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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If I post some more clips will you actually listen? I've posted many to you. Another excellent radio clip on extarordinary precautions. Radio clip on EPs Please read this thread and listen to the clips from Dr. Harley I posted at the end. BS.....Plan C is not a plan
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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If I post some more clips will you actually listen? I've posted many to you. Another excellent radio clip on extarordinary precautions. Radio clip on EPs Please read this thread and listen to the clips from Dr. Harley I posted at the end. BS.....Plan C is not a planSorry BrainHurts. I tried listening to them all this afternoon since my company just left and my computer did that same thing again. I don't understand the problem since it worked with I updated flashplayer... Now it won't. 
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Did you read the link I posted with all the helpful information from others about what to try?
FWW/BW (me)
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2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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If it were my husband, he would probably say my not meeting his need for SF all these years has been his biggest concern (he said so this afternoon). If your husband would follow this program, your emotions would be motivating you to meet his need for sex, instead of you feeling worn out. See if he will listen to this clip: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=68There is something about romantic love that creates a special incentive to do the things that the other person needs. So a man and a woman that are in love with each other romantically -- which this person doesn't seem to value (not yet, we hope he'll get there, yes) -- if they're in love with each other romantically, your emotions kick in and encourage you to do things that you might not need yourself.
Woman become far more sexually oriented when they are in love. They are more interested in helping them out domestically; they are more interested in looking better for him. They are more interested in going to football games along with him and participating in his recreational activities.
And men, when they're in love, they're more interested in talking to her for hours at a time, to being affectionate with her; they are interested in being more honest and open. In other words, they are more interested in meeting each other's needs when they're in love.
So, the point of my seminars, and the books that I write, says, look: being in love is a big deal. It'll make your relationship really move along, and be very, very, very good for you, and all of his "utility needs" end up being met in a relationship where there is mutual love Is your husband even pursuing romantic love as a goal? Does he recognize that it is up to him to make love bank deposits so that you fall in love with him? Does he realize that if this is not working, it is up to him to find out what is wrong and CHANGE? Does he realize that meeting your sexual needs when you are not in love with him is traumatic for a woman? Does he realize that if he would succeed in this goal, your hormones would then naturally prompt you to want to be sexual with him?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I told him today I was more committed to our marriage than I probably have ever been. This is not a Marriage Builders strategy. Have you ever read how Dr. Harley learned early in his career that commitment alone will not save a marriage?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I read the Plan C thread.
Let me think on everything.
Married 20 yrs
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I am really pissed right now. Back in July 2011 BEFORE being pregnant, BEFORE quitting my job, I was ready to do exactly what you are suggesting to me.
And everyone around me felt the need to talk me out of it. Friends and family...Everyone.
I had HAD it! There was very little he could do to get any feeling out of me because I was just done.
Done!
Then I did go on a journey that taught me much about my crappy side of the street. I'm glad about that.
And now that I'm jobless and pregnant, NOW this is suggested to me?
I feel like I just can't handle looking at this right now. I'm going to run some errands. I'll be back. You have accomplished a lot in this year. Your husband had a year to get with the program. He has chosen not to. He's had a YEAR. Why would he be any different a year from now?
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Take time to breathe for a little while if you need to.
We're not ganging up on you. I want what's best for you and for your marriage. The advice I have given you ... I have given it to you because I consider you a friend.
Would you be interested in emailing Dr Harley about this?
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Did you read the link I posted with all the helpful information from others about what to try? Sorry BrainHurts, I must have lost your link somewhere. I'm not seeing it. Are you talking about Plan C or Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders?
Married 20 yrs
Me:FBW
Him: FWH
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