I am in the process of contacting the other males wife..I agreed to go to mh wifes thearapist today with her since this happened. I told all to him with her present. I was not a saint 16 years ago and also had a PA...no issues since..been alot of years...what i gained from the therapist is my wife actually admitted to the therapist the full extent of the PA. He encouraged my wife to come clean with the entire thing in order to save her marriage...she was tricling the truth on how to tell me..but knew and even told the OM involved that thw truth was comming out...the therapist suggested that if i feel i needed to see the poly through...both of us should take one...he asked what i hoped to gain by the poly? I also feel that way at times...so the poly tells me it was 5 times and not 3....does it really change what i'm dealing with here. My wife said no problem to take it...she'd prefer it be out of town because of the confidentiality. Ours ia a smaller town where people know names and faces...

Dr. Harley says to get ALL your questions about the affair answered. So if you need to know if it was 3 or 5 then you should find out.

Can you call the MB coaching center instead of this M counselor? They have a 84% failure rate.

Why not ask him how many marriages he's saved? Most are disastrous.

Here Polygraph Testing

Kgaa, there is no need for you to take a polygraph. That is pettifogging the issue. Nor is there any reason to bring up your past affair. This is not tit for tat; you are not children.

You have enough on your plates today with her affair without bringing past grievances into the present. That is counterproductive and destructive.


At what point was the therapist going to tell you?

This is just one of the numerous reasons why "therapists" are so destructive to marriage. They have an 84% failure rate and have no idea how to save a marriage after an affair.


What does this mean exactly? Does this mean she will be told today? This is something that cannot wait.

You've been paying for someone to lie to you! What a good way to make sure you remain long term paying clients - by not solving the problem.

Ditch this fraud.

AND CONTACT THE OMW RIGHT NOW!!!!

Instead of paying a fraud to lie to you and confuse the issue, you could instead have spent the time productively saving the BW and your marriage.

No more shillyshallying because you are scared of what a moody WW will do. You need to progress the plan and expopse to BW NOW.

I'm confused as to what the hold up is? Do you have her contact information?

What does "in the process of contacting other male's wife" mean?

Only have home phone and OM may answer call..onlu reason i've waited is because i am having trouble making contact with her without the OM....

You can call the house and use *67 to disguise your number. See if the OMW answers. If she doesn't, I would drive over and tell her personally. But she needs to be told before your wife gets ahold of the OM.

Only have home phone and OM may answer call..onlu reason i've waited is because i am having trouble making contact with her without the OM....

Did you see this?

Only have home phone and OM may answer call..onlu reason i've waited is because i am having trouble making contact with her without the OM....

Did you see this?

Why should we continue to post to you if you won't listen? There are easy workarounds to the above problem. You can keep posting your EXCUSES to not tell the OMW, it won't change the fact that it is an excuse and it won't change our suggestions.

Do you want help or not?

KGaa, you are softening in light of your WWs "apparent" truth and remorse. DO NOT DO THIS! you are setting yourself up for a FR, and it'll kill your M.

i gave you a list yesterday. what on it have you done?

your MC is a waste of time and money. ditch him/her. you'd be much better off using the MB coaching center. you can see from your own words that your MC is not on the side of your M!

book the poly.
meet with OMW TODAY.

Site has been a blessing. I made phone contact today with the wife of other male..talked for Awhile and spilled out all the details as she could take them..provided phone numer for future use. Spoke to her a second time when she had more questions. WS did find out i disclosed it to OMW. Overheard me talking. Told my wife that we were going to devise a no contact letter to be sent...Wife again came clean this morning with more horrible details. After she told me those details this morning and the OBS was aware..BS totally changed her tone about taking the poly. I recently called my wife with the time and date is scheduled now....to occur in 2 days! I told and her demeanor has drastically changed...she wants to fly anywhere to take the poly ASAP and wants to show me all kinds of records and work schedules to prove her word. Next step is hopefully recovery....

Congrats, KG. I'm glad her attitude is changing.

Now follow through. You're on the right track!

I have exposed this to the other BS...immidiate family of mine(parents) and a close friend of my WS. I plan on telling my brother who lives out of state and Ws spouse at one point asked Who knows? I told her who and feel i am often riding the fine line of "dont tell the whole world" but enough to have the "support affect" on WS. Also pending poly results, what is the first step to recovery...which program from MB should we enroll? Also does anybody have any minor advise on how a devastated BS gets past the "visions of what when on during PA and how ever be intimate with WS again?

I would confidently say all BS's have trouble with this one. No clear cut answer there pal. I think this just goes with the territory when we decide to R. We are 6mo�s into our R and I can say things are starting to ease off in this department.

Definitely not coming to mind nearly as much although I do have some triggers that bump the thoughts from time to time.

If there is a silver bullet, I haven�t found one yet to get the images out of my head. In an odd kind of way, sometimes those memories help keep me strong and my expectations HIGH for my FWW. EP�s and MB�s will help your resentment melt away. Sure is for me.

Creating new memories of our own certainly help. At the 2 mo mark of our R, the SF went through the roof. Think they call it Hysterical Bonding. Hasn�t backed off at all since then. This definitely will help.

I chose NOT to get all the gory details. Didn�t want them.
Knew enough. That is why we all have to decide individually how much information we want AND can handle.

Nothing replaces the healing powers of good behavior over a long extended period of time.

Immediately after the poly, which will give you the extent of the affair, give yourself maybe two weeks to ask about the details that are still unclear. Then, never bring it up again. Easy? Noooooo! Necessary? YES!! Why? Because you and she, if you are going to make this a success, are going to have to start "courting" again, through the rigorous adherence to a regimen of UA time. Bringing up the painful elements of the past will NOT be helpful in that endeavor.

Do you want to save yourself a world of hurt? As soon as possible, start only dwelling on the things that she does from this point onward. Convince yourself emotionally that the woman who betrayed you is as dead as possible, and the woman you are moving forward with is only responsible for her NEW actions.

The longer you permit yourself the unaffordable luxury of rehashing and re-considering events of the past, the longer the opportunities for enjoying the present will be denied.

Pick a date. Like I said, maybe two weeks after the poly. Bury your deceased WW's existence on that day, and start a new relationship with your FWW.

As I have said before - E-A-O-T-P !

We don't discuss my FWW�s A at all. Agree 100%.

However, convincing ourselves that the old woman is DEAD when the new woman has yet to prove that she is indeed changed forever is dangerous. For me, this has to be proven over a very long period of time. Through new actions, EP�s and the MB program.