ML, my marriage needed to be fixed back in 2002, so I'm with you. His depression is OVERWHELMING, I did not think you could get that low.

Remember, it was my husband with the shotgun in his mouth after I revealed to him that I spoke with the POSOW BH and she had never, ever told her BH about 'being in love with my WH and is gonna leave her BH for my WH'. So, my BH was going to throw me in the garbage and leave me for her, but she had noooooo intention of doing the same for my WH even though she lied and said she would.

He needs to discuss his suicide talk with a professional, not just with me. It's too much for me.

Oh, I was pushing him to to go IC, not the other way 'round.

In order to treat depression, he should go to a doctor and get on anti-depressants. He is depressed because he lost the source of his addiction. Depression is very common after affairs. His depression will lessen if he gets on antidepressants and focuses on making his marriage a happy place.

As he withdraws from the OW, his depression will dissipate.

Why does he have a FB account at all?

My FWH was also depressed for many years, often on meds for it. Funny thing is....it cleared up when he started living in a way that made him actually feel great about himself: living honestly, being a good husband, thinking of others instead of just himeself.

He has been off meds now for since our D-Day and has no sign at all of depression anymore.

Not saying this is the case for everyone, since there are those who have actual chemical imbalances and need a permanent medical solution.

We went through MC; it was a total waste of both time and money. The awful thing about MC is that we actually thought it was a help at the time; however, we wasted a lot of time figuring why we were arguing and dissecting the arguments, which was very painful.

Not once were transparency, extraordinary precautions, or any of the love busters discussed. Not one counselor EVER ONCE discussed these! I was made to feel the one at fault when I didn't want my H having one-on-one anythings with females.

Nothing at all EVER about meeting one another's emotional needs in such a way as to build romantic love.

If you are very fortunate, your MC will be a MB advocate. If not, you would be better off doing the phone coaching, or, if you are both on board with MB, then the Online Seminar is well worth the thousand dollars.

He has been depressed for years, and his negativity was one reason I withdrew from meeting his EN or allowed him to meet mine.

He has FB because he is a musician and he is connected to other musicians through FB. I have it now, too.

I will emphasize the importance of staying on his AD and seeing his doctor for a refill on the prescription.

I think our best option is the coaching telephone sessions with SH. More personalized. I don't want to wing it.

He needs to tell a professional that he fell head over heels for a skanks lies?

Why?

That's not depression - that's waywardness.

If the suicide threat was made to you following the guilt of his A and his anger at exposure ...

Common sense leads you to ask what does any of that have to do with depression?

The suicide threat was made because of wayward guilt and anger, not depression.

Just don't understand why the two are being mixed up. Waywards talk (sometimes genuinely but sometimes to manipulate) about suicide all the time.

Its not because of genetic disposition, its because they've screwed up and made a mess.

Doesn't it make more sense to clear up the mess than talk about it?

Why would he talk to you or anyone else about the skanks lies at all?

"its because they've screwed up and made a mess"

This is the ticket. As soon as he was aware that she was lying to him about leaving her posh lifestyle for my WH, he became more aware that he decimated our relationship for a fantasy.

He can talk to me about his feelings-it fosters transparency. I do not want to discourage that. At times when he is down and very quiet, I tend to think I did something to prompt that. It's not the case, he is in wd and I need to remember that.

You only need one FB account for the two of you. Your profile picture needs to be the two of you, in a loving embrace.

You may need to see a new psychiatrist who can adjust his meds. It sounds like he isn't taking the right ones, or his meds may need to be adjusted.

Meds? Yeah! Facebook? Yup! All environmental factors surrounding the key issue.

Does he yet understand/accept that his "thing" with OW was toxic and is over?

Once that is part of his reality, the rest is just details. The best indicators that he aligns with you (and us) on the above are an NC Letter, self-exposure to family/friends, rigorous EPs, and openness in everything he does - where he is, who he talks to, etc.

What is your PROOF of these factors? (Please avoid giving us pap that starts with "I feel....", or "He says....")

Lisa, you should check out MElo12's thread. His wifes affair is BACK ON now because his WW's "counselor" told her she should contact the OM to get "closure."


Melo just found out the divorce between the OM and the OMW is now back on since his WW contacted him for "closure." As the suggestion of the IC. That is the kind of advice that is typical of counselors.

Okay, I am on board and no longer pushing for IC or MC. I will keep my IC because she supports my MB efforts and even recommended me to come here.

God bless Melo, my gosh. That is horrifying.

Today, he himself suggested we use his facebook. He stated we will be taking a pic together hugging. Wonder if he's looking at my thread?

He said he is committed to this and we shall look at MB together to jointly choose a training option. My favorite one is the coaching for accountability.

We are already spending ALL our free time together-never apart. He has not been in contact with the OW and ceased contact with mutual friends so as not to hear any gossip. I emphasized the transparency rule. He did make a phone call to retrieve an expensive musical equipment item thru a common friend and I told him he should have communicated this to me right away.

He agreed and apologized. I told him he has been close-mouthed and I need more radical honesty. He asked me if I would change my name to his and I agreed. Should have done it right away after the wedding.

EP's put in place are joined at the hip for all activities, no friendships with opposite sex, no recreational activity w/o each other, accounting for time and place at all times.

We installed GPS tracker on each of our phones and we are buying a GPS for his car.

I need to get a cell phone reverse lookup to review who he's talking to every day. I'm willing to pay, just don't know a good one. I posted on investigative forum a request for some names of services that are accurate.

Now is the perfect time to use MB Coaching

Yeah, since today I asked him who 'two' women were on his facebook and he freaked out and said I interrupted his workday. I told him I bet during his affair he and the POSOW texted back and forth all day. He agreed!

Then he went on and on to say that I was attacking him and using a tone of voice to push his buttons. Guilty much? I'm telling you...I will have my own condo before Labor Day.

He played the victim the whole time. "This whole process is becoming an inquisition. You are using an accusatory tone." Via text? Here is my text: WH: an example of fb friends I was questioning you on the other day would be name #1 and name #2 the bartender? Who r they? Yeah, that tone is so biting. I told him I saw a woman in a bikini on his fb and he disagreed. So I found name #1, a woman in a black bikini. Ummmmmm, what's so hard about that?

Is he holding to his EPs you gave him?

He is now. He took down the old fb of his where the POSOW was 'liking' all his photos and comments. With that, the baby went out with the bathwater, including all the random women he didnt even know, but friended anyway ??????

He created a new fb, no friending people that you don't really know. I def took issue with that. His excuse was that his 16 yo daughter has over 2,000 friends and doesnt even know all of them. I reminded him that she's a kid and not a married man.

If it's going to be a battle the whole way regarding transparency and EP's, honesty, and just compensation, than perhaps this aint for me.

It is his job to make you feel protected in your marriage as you him.

If he has to have a facebook (which I don't know why even if he's a musician) why not have a joint facebook together? Both names on it, shared completely?

Exactly!

He at first said we would have a joint FB. Now, he needs his own to set up gigs. Really?

So what is your plan?

Are you able to afford the MB coaching center? Online program?

Lisa, I logged in for quick reply to you. (I am an admitted MB creeper :)).

It's obvious that you are a firecracker, which is awesome. Brainhurts and others are coaching you so fabulously, but want to add one thing...take time to be still. The MB plan is a very narrow plan, and it requires a calm head. The plan here is to RESTORE marriages, got that? We want you to restore you marriage, if at all possible. If not, the plan will help you get to and thrive on the other side. I want the best for you, my dear.

Take time to think and plan. (NOT stall) We will be here.