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Yeah I am gathering evidence as we speak I thought about exposing his kids and his parents to all that he is doing . Im wondering if I should do that or not Why would you not? Why help his attack by helping keep it secret? Sure they may not do anything, or care, but they might. They very well might. More importantly HE might not want to look bad and shame will motivate him. Throw the grenade and see if it hits anything. What have you got to lose?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Are you getting prepared for Plan B? Plan B is useful even in cases where you don't want to recover your marriage, but head straight to divorce instead. It will help you heal much more quickly, and fully.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Where iare the steps for plan b
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Where iare the steps for plan b
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Never mind I found them. I have done the love letter and changed all the locks on the house a long time ago the love letter did not work. I packed his things and he refused to get them. We are in the discovery process of the divorce. WH ia selfish [censored]. He is truly selfish. Since I have done most of Plan b what now? I exposed him to a lot of our friends here He said he could never live here again. Any mure suggestions are appreciated
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Never mind I found them. I have done the love letter and changed all the locks on the house a long time ago the love letter did not work. I packed his things and he refused to get them. We are in the discovery process of the divorce. WH ia selfish [censored]. He is truly selfish. Since I have done most of Plan b what now? I exposed him to a lot of our friends here He said he could never live here again. Any mure suggestions are appreciated Do you have an IM? Take yourself out of his drama. You saw the post I posted to you? It has the IM link in there.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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The IM is the attorneys they are doing the communicating between the two of us we have no contact with each other. WH does not even acknowledge that I exist. I read the part about the IM but since we do not communicate is the IM necessary.We don't see each other nothing. I am trying forget all of the drama I don't want to hang on any longer either. I need and am ready to forget.
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You can request a mediator through the courts too. They are objective, work with you to design a plan, and their decisions are legal and binding. They are perfect for working out custody arrangements/issues.
In regards to financial issues, that can go through the attorney too. It is a formula in most states, so it should be pretty cut and dry after it is hashed out.
There may need to be some reason you need to talk to eachother, so taking that into consideration, I would try to line up someone to be an IM, just in case.
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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I would agree. An IM is there so he CAN'T contact you. You never know what a wayward will do.
Right now you know he is choosing not to contact you. And you should be completely clueless about what he chooses to do/not do.
It frees up your mind to think about you.
Change your contact details so he can't contact you (no matter what happens with his unstable A) and send him a letter telling him the email address of your IM is how he should contact you in future.
I have told my IM a recovery plan message will earn him a meeting until the divorce is final.
After that, I don't want any message no matter how repentant.
Its not my problem if he reaches his 'rock bottom' and becomes repentant after divorce.
But he will be Plan Bd forever because I don't need to be disturbed.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yeah I am gathering evidence as we speak I thought about exposing his kids and his parents to all that he is doing . Im wondering if I should do that or not Why would you not? Why help his attack by helping keep it secret? Sure they may not do anything, or care, but they might. They very well might. More importantly HE might not want to look bad and shame will motivate him. Throw the grenade and see if it hits anything. What have you got to lose? You have been thinking about lobbing the grenade of exposure for so long. I can't imagine the hell you have put yourself through with your deliberating. Decide here and now. You will either expose, and do it. Or you will not and quit thinking about it. I say this because I don't want to see you posting again in six months about this. Having been in turmoil for those six months. Exposure brings peace. You know you told the truth. Let the cards fall where they may.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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And initiate Plan B. With a proper IM. Not just an attorney.
Unless you have ruled out marital recovery. Then an attorney is the only route WH should have since you don't have kids.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Exposure, as a matter of fact, no matter the seeming results.....frees YOU of holding the secret.
Makes YOUR life more rich and authentic.
Takes away YOUR victimhood in many ways.
Even if others say nasty stuff to you or your wayward gets more evil and wild talking/acting.
"The only thing to fear is fear itself" Franklin D. Roosevelt (btw...a known cheater but one with some good quotes anyway)
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I like the idea of using a mediator that is court appointed and I have a good idea who to use as an IM. The lady that has been rock solid with me through this whole mess. That is who I would choose as an IM. I have already started the process of changing things like cell phone numbers etc. I don't care if he is repentant or not. I had a good session with my counselor today she seems to think that he has some mental issues and more than midlife crisis, sin or what you want to call it.
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She should read the IM training thread.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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I like the idea of using a mediator that is court appointed and I have a good idea who to use as an IM. The lady that has been rock solid with me through this whole mess. That is who I would choose as an IM. I have already started the process of changing things like cell phone numbers etc. I don't care if he is repentant or not. I had a good session with my counselor today she seems to think that he has some mental issues and more than midlife crisis, sin or what you want to call it.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 97
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reading the IM training thread now
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