I'm curious.
Has this therapist been divorced?
More than once?

Edit to add:
Who knows what the future holds?
I certainly do not.

I think i need to clear a few things up. First of all my therapist has never tried to get me to blame shift. She has only ever tried to get me to understand that i don't have to live in the past. She more than anyone else has tried to get me to understand that my affair was no one's fault but my own. Also most of my therapy does not revolve around my marriage or its end it's mostly about trying to help me deal with other problems that happened in my life. Someone asked if my therapist is married and yes she has been for over 20 years.

I was also asked if i have apologized to my ex's family and yes i have but The real problem is their relationship with my ex. When my ex left the second time his family (his parents and all but one of the siblings) freaked out and basically told him he was a horrible person for leaving me. This led to a Huge argument and my ex has not spoken to them since. I have tried to get them to understand that this is not his fault and that he has every right to find happiness again but they are stubborn people and seldom change their mind.

I just want make this perfectly clear i in no way am passing off the blame for my affair to anyone other than myself. I understand that my poor boundaries and pathetic justifications are what allowed this affair to happen and nothing else. Also i like to come here to read and occasionally just vent my frustrations in a post besides my therapist i don't really have anyone to talk to about this (I lost a lot of friends because of my selfish actions) so please do not confuse a rent with an attempt to get sympathy. i like to come here for the anonymity and the fact i can be honest nothing more. So i will sum it up for this way I'm not looking for sympathy just for Some honest advice and occasionally a sounding board.

Ditto to what WPG just said...every last word! That is why my husband stopped going to therapy because he felt like he was being picked on. He recently admitted to me that it was our last session with our therapist that turned him in the other direction. I stopped listening to her and started posting on here. Much better advice at a lot better price!

Yep, the price here is hard to beat. You could even say this place is priceless.

I honestly don't know what to say. This is one of the saddest affair stories I have ever read. 25 year relationship/15 year marriage all thrown away because of an insecurity? That is unbelievable and really really sad. You guys knew each other when you were basically children (15-16) and the fact that you could do this to him is sickening to me.

I am not bashing you or anythng but simply stating that I have no sympathy for you. Your actions have led to the loss of the love of his life, his best friend (though he has equal blame), his home/wealth, and even his own family! His daughters will grow up in a broken home. To top it all off, you will probably move on and find someone else while he will have to spend the rest of his life second guessing all of his friends and potential girlfriends/wife.

Is he dating anyone currently? What about you? I wish you the best of luck.

Are you completely incapable of reading comprehension?? You've been told this type of post is inappropriate, so knock it off!

Rety, what's your story?

Fine. I will stop offering hard truths but you people are too easy on wayward spouses. This si precisely why people do not fear committing wrongs because they know people will be easy going on them.

First time we've been accused of THAT.

What's your story?

LOL...I was just gonna say the same thing.

Have you ever heard the phrase "When in Rome, do as the Romans do?"

You have just entered Rome, and you are acting like a Greek or a Gaul or something.

Dr. Harley has the plan here; the focus of the site is to learn and discuss his concepts and methods. If you think you can do better, the correct procedure is not to log on and tell everybody that we're wrong for repeating Dr. Harley's advice. The correct approach is to hang out your own shingle (start your own website) and work from there.

Besides, you are contradicting yourself. In one place you say you are here to find out if recovery is possible in your situation, but in this post you say your purpose is to tell everybody else what we are doing wrong.

Make up your mind: do you want some help recovering your marriage, or are you here to offer us help? Because most of us get our help from Dr. Harley and his decades of experience, not random strangers like you who just showed up out of nowhere. If you'd like help, we're happy to help!

:::snort::: You're new to these parts, aren't you. Oh, they earn their wings here.

And this statement is just silly when you're talking about this site. You haven't been here long enough to know squat about Marriage Builders, obviously.

"Is" is spelled "is" - just an FYI.

Easy on them?
Let's see, it's a Christian site, the old testament law was to stone wayward spouses....

Do ya feel like that is the answer ?

Oh the torture and pain that comes from a lying adultrous other half can certainly merit revenge, but isn't it more torturous to keep them alive so they can squirm and suffer?

Oh they suffer, unless and even if they repent. " The worm doesnt die" ( the conscience)

But in the intrest of those who reject the God of this world, here at MB no adulerer gets off with a slap on the wrist and a wink, but they do get forgiveness once they repent.

The world is a tricky place and it tries to eat you up
This place is innthe business of restoration

To easy? They have allready shot themselves in the foot, if we weren't here do you think a person with a conscience wouldn't STILL suffer? Do you feel thier consequences would not follow them and make thier life hell anyway?

Yeah ... Lol... Yeah