Yes, this is total fogbabble. She is in love with her affair partner and has developed the insane little illusion that he will look after her like you have been doing for so long.


Very smart, Yuki. Just as HoldHerHand said:



You can make this a condition of you accepting her back, Yuki: that she goes with you to Marriage Builders coaching and works on becoming easier to get along with. It sounds like she's been doing the spoiled princess act for years and getting away with it because of her illness.

You have the chance now to wake her to reality and turn your marriage from the limping broken thing it was into something that gives both you and your wife joy and strength and security. Marriage builders counselling will help you with this. (and by the way, none of us are being paid to promote MB - we're only here as volunteers who are grateful to MB for saving our marriages and are passing on the favor)


It will save it. It will get hairy for a while, she will be furious with you. She will say things like, "well, I was thinking of coming back but now forget it", and the delightful "you've broken my trust in you", which I find really ironic because she has broken your trust in her with her affair and lying fogbabble.

As MelodyLane always says, your marriage can survive her anger but it can't survive an affair. Kill the affair, Yuki.


Don't change your mind. Even if your wife returns this weekend, you will have to expose. That's because the affair and your wife's wayward mindset will still be very much ongoing.

Many people have exposed and found it THE most effective tool for killing the affair. They were ALL of them extremely nervous when they did it. In some cases, it didn't work because the affair was too far gone. In other cases, it killed the affair immediately or it blew such a big hole in it that the affair died soon after.

Everyone who has done exposure agrees that it's the best thing they ever did while trying to save their marriage.

Expose, Yuki. Expose. You're doing really well.

I will second that...expose!

You really have no idea how many people don't, come back months later, and say "I wish I had!" or "I wish I had, sooner!"

It is THE BEST WEAPON for busting up the affair.

i kinda feel bad about it that i have continued to try to spy on her but thanks to that i will now expose 100%
probably over friday night so it all hits her on sat morning

i oversaw a conversation between her and M and shes discussing messages that i sent for her eyes only with him

telling him how she hates that i talk to her like nothing happened and how i message her like normal telling her i love her

Yuki, that she says this means that she is affected by it. She wants you to fight for her. Fight for her, Yuki. Tell her you're not going to let her go. Tell her you love her.

But tell her too that the old marriage is dead and that you both will be working on a new marriage when she comes back.

Hang in there, Yuki. Expose.

Yuki

Mirabelle is right on.

I posted this to you before and it is very important that you understand the "Carrot" and the "Stick" and how to use them. You are not to become some type of doormat for her.

Carrot and stick of Plan A

Did you read it and do you have any questions?

Plan A is done knowing full well the A is still on.

Read the whole post. With where you are at this time it is critical to fully understand.

nESRE

Why wait? Why not now? Waiting until Fri. night just means you have 24 more hours to vacillate. You will feel empowered once it's done, and you need that.

well i can say one thing my 100% shrank down to some smaller ammount by now
i cant believe how hard it really is for me to do this >.<

i told my mother in law about everything
she will keep quiet about this until i go thru with the restof the expose but she advised me against exposing it to all our family here and just expose it to the core of our family and the people my wife is staying with atm

Have you read this?

When Should an Affair be Exposed?

It is because it comes across like you don't give a damn. A complacent approach signals that you don't care very much. Instead of fighting for your marriage, you respond to her destructive behavior with "I love you."

Why is this?

mainly because of my wifes health condition by now my mother in law and i are both convinced it would be a bad idea to expose at all
we are afraid she will end up hurting herself her illness requires her to take a lot of different medications with sideffects that make you wonder if they are medizin or poison

she has tried to kill herself before when she was a teenager
and we both know she is under a lot of mental anguish and stress right now

she had called my mother in law crying and screaming that she knows she has nothing to go back to when she comes back
and my wife doesnt even know that her mother knew more than a littlebit of the truth at that point

i dont really know what to do anymore
how i can show her that im fighting for her that i want her back
and forgive her

telling her that just pisses her of at the moment so should i instead cuss her out like my first impulse was ?

The best way to show her you're fighting for your M is to Expose and Plan A.

This is a pisspoor excuse to not do the right thing and help her. These are just weak excuses to avoid conflict.

And let me explain why. Affairs and destructive behavior cause depression and mental stress. So by keeping her affairs secret, you are enabling her self destructive behavior which only serves to cause greater depression and stress.

Exposure, on the other hand, wakes the wayward up from their fantasy and motivates them to take steps to end the affair.

Neither you or your mother in law have any idea what you are doing if you think that enabling is helpful to her. ''/

I know you were looking for any excuse to take action, so I guess this is it. It really is a shame, because your wife needs someone to stand up for her and help her out of her personal hell. Unfortunately, she doesn't have you or her mother. Enablers don't make it.

Let me know when you get serious about saving your marriage. Otherwise, this situation is a waste of valuable board time that could be spent others who are serious.

This is silly. You are enabling your wife to screw around on you because you're afraid she'll harm herself because of the exposure of her CHOICE to commit infidelity? So... she's okay and it's all good as long as everyone hides her adulterous behavior? Are you sure you want to live that way?

You can expose the affair and stop being an enabling wuss. Do you want to man up and save your marriage, or sit quietly in your little chair with your hands folded nicely in your lap while your WW and OM throw your marriage in the toilet?

Your call.

Yuki, why are you here and what do you want? I was assuming you were here for help in busting up this adultery and repairing your marriage. Am I wrong buddy?

Lay aside your fear of what the outcome may be if you do what you're told to do here. The peeps here have a HELLUVA lot more experience at this than you do. They really do. Accept that, and embrace it. Stop thinking (this is your worst enemy right now)...the thinking has been done for you. All you have to do is, well, do.

No one can guarantee what the outcome will be if you follow the plan, but we can pretty much ALL guarantee what the outcome will be if you don't.

Up to you.

And don't tell your MIL that you are going to ignore the conversation you had today and expose anyway....as she'll forewarn her daughter (if she hasn't already) and you'll be screwed.

If you REALLY want to piss her off...have her find out you are going to expose BEFORE you expose. She'll go nuts in an attempt to manipulate you NOT to do it and you'll have to do it anyway (because it's the right thing to do) and directly in her face.


With a blindsided exposure you can take credit for it...as in

Wife:"Why did you do that?"

Husband: "I'm fighting for my family and I didn't know it would upset you so much, oops, my bad, I won't do it again"

But if her mom warns her you're not going to be able to play dumb so easy. Means your exposure window is closing. Better do it NOW...well, how about Friday afternoon????

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- Trust me....AFTER you do it you'll know in short order it was the right thing to do. It'll be like a burden lifted from YOU. You're not meant to be her co-conspirator harboring her dirty secret. Even guys that face the worst wayward reactions still feel content in their decisions to expose. Good luck.

Yuki

Think about this:

With your WW's "fragile" health condition she manages not just one A but possibly 2?

Who is watching out for her "fragile" condition while she is away?

Expose. The fantasy bubble has to be popped.

With the way the letters are written the more people who know the more help and support you both may recieve.

nESRE