|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
pokerface you seem to have little understand of what swinging actually is and what goes on, whilst i am not condoning it now you have a picture that is very different from the reality Are you saying that sharing your wife with another man and watching is not like porn? Because everyone agrees? I can see how it could be viewed as porn be we are not talking about a singular man in the room here whilst i just stood on the side and watched, we are talking about multiple couples all together Nice try, but that is still watching, Dave. Take the 2x4s on the chin and all will be well.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
He was alone with her. He made it romantic. He was filling her lovebank while you were making her the extra in your sexual escapades.
The one who was only good enough for being pimped out in exchange for other, better women.
If you want to understand her, you will have to start LISTENING.
And stop defending the swinging. The very fact that it was not exclusive is what makes it pornographic. Pokerface is not imagining anything other than what you told us.
All BWs, me, Pokerface AND your wife - are deeply hurt when a man tells us we are not good enough to be the only one.
Then you made it so she was disposable enough to give away to other men.
Pokerface is giving you an ACCURATE summation of how hurt your wife is and how quickly you need to remedy this. indie just to make you fully aware this started as her chatting online with him more and more each evening over a period of 3 months, she then went to see him as a shoulder to cry on and ended up having sex with him without his wife or me knowing. I certainly am no longer defending swinging at all with each passing hour i dispise it more and more for what has happeneding, i just want to know what i must do to win her back now that all contact as stopped with the swinging scene and the other man. Like i have said right now i dont know if she is fog or widthrawl, she says things like she doesnt love me etc but she cares for me, she has said she is seeing the changes i am making and that to let time tell
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
Dave. I keep posting to you because you are still here. Maybe there is a chance that someone at some point will say something that suddenly makes the light bulb go off.
Indie is spot on. I'm thinking about this through your poor wife's eyes. You don't seem to acknowledge that you forced your wife into this decision to swing when you said that she was closed minded. She did it for you and now feels like crap while you are talking about forgiving HER for breaking the stupid rules when she didn't want to play to begin with.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
I am seeing it now through her eyes and about to make the apologies that indie suggested
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
she says things like she doesnt love me etc but she cares for me, she has said she is seeing the changes i am making and that to let time tell Of course she does not love you right now Dave. She resents you for putting her into a position where she turned into a liar. Have you apologized for treating her like a porn star...in her eyes that is what you did.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
indie just to make you fully aware this started as her chatting online with him more and more each evening over a period of 3 months, she then went to see him as a shoulder to cry on and ended up having sex with him without his wife or me knowing. All adultery is totally despicable and I certainly am not unaware of the pain you are experiencing. Its just that your pain doesn't really matter in regards to your PLAN right now. You will get nowhere with your wife talking about this pain, just because you didn't calculate on being hurt in the same way you were already hurting her. In fact this pain may just be the best thing that ever happened to you. Before this happened you were living a pretty horrible life, with horrible friends. No matter what happens, the only way is up.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I would embrace the pain actually, David, hon.
I'm beginning to see your justifications and excuses fall away rather rapidly...
..Which means the pain and guilt may bite hard quite soon.
Just remeber that these feelings will not break you, they will help you and you'll be OK.
As long as you keep on plan.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
indie just to make you fully aware this started as her chatting online with him more and more each evening over a period of 3 months, she then went to see him as a shoulder to cry on and ended up having sex with him without his wife or me knowing. All adultery is totally despicable and I certainly am not unaware of the pain you are experiencing. Its just that your pain doesn't really matter in regards to your PLAN right now. You will get nowhere with your wife talking about this pain, just because you didn't calculate on being hurt in the same way you were already hurting her. In fact this pain may just be the best thing that ever happened to you. Before this happened you were living a pretty horrible life, with horrible friends. No matter what happens, the only way is up. indie i totally agree with you and now i never saw the pain i am experiencing now, and yes from everything i have ready i know main pain doesnt matter and it one think i havent mentioned\brought up etc, i try not to break down in frton of her now and just keep stopping LB and fufill EN
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
I would embrace the pain actually, David, hon.
I'm beginning to see your justifications and excuses fall away rather rapidly...
..Which means the pain and guilt may bite hard quite soon.
Just remeber that these feelings will not break you, they will help you and you'll be OK.
As long as you keep on plan. indie, thanks and i the pain and guilt is biting very hard and i try to keep it inside myself and not break down in front of the women i love. I know these feelings cant break me although they feel like they can. What i want to know is what plan should i be on
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
I have made the apologies that you suggested indie as well now she listens and seemed to accept them saying there was no need as that is the past and what happened happened
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
What i want to know is what plan should i be on Plan A to win her over and protect her, combined with the measures a repentent spouse should show in the recovery plan. The first job was to stop you sounding as entitled and foggy as you did in your first post, which seems to be working. You will prob sound a lot more palatable to your W now. But she won't make it easy for you. You will have to be calm and not get upset. I hope you're for real, Dave. We can help if you are.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Indie, I am very real and so grateful for your kind, sincere and wise words of advice so I just keep plugging away at plan a then? Which I have been trying to do even though she says she doesn't love me find me attractive etc which cuts me to my soul  how do I handle the fact that she feels anything I suggest is just pressure, like if I even attempted to ask her to fill out the LB or EN forms? Also at the moment been I separate bedrooms as well there is no way I can fulfills SF and affection is hard with no physical touch unless you can suggest alternatives thank you
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Any where I can read about What measures I should show in the recovery plan?
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Mel
I am not sure what I can say I have told everything, acknowledged and admitted that I am to blame and renounce the adultorus lifestyle so what else do I say n do You tell us, but have you explicity told your WW how going done this road from the very beginning was wrong? You posted her how great it was for you and your WW to have an open marriage until the affair. It was not great from the fisrt time that you swung. From that first time you that you swung you just paved The Road To Perdition.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Yes I have apologised to her see previous posts
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
pokerface you seem to have little understand of what swinging actually is and what goes on, whilst i am not condoning it now you have a picture that is very different from the reality Are you saying that sharing your wife with another man and watching is not like porn? Because everyone agrees? I can see how it could be viewed as porn be we are not talking about a singular man in the room here whilst i just stood on the side and watched, we are talking about multiple couples all together All what you say means that she was watched by you and a lot of other people just like a porno film in a movie house. You set up your WW to be a porno movie star. Every week to be cast with another leading man to do her in front of you. Just viewed live instead of on film. Then you let OM take her out of the room out of your view and ability to protect her to let them use her any way they wanted. Men don't share their wives.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Ok ok we have been down this road on the thread i don't know what your expecting me to say to you, there are only a few people so far that have given constructive advice rather than just bashing me, right now I feel like pluging a knife into my heart and don't take that remark lightly because over the past few weeks I have taken a knife to myself and only the happy memories have saved me, so wanna continue and bash me then fine
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Ok ok we have been down this road on the thread i don't know what your expecting me to say to you, I believe the expectation is that you will stop denying the truth. It is not bashing you to say the truth. No one has bashed you on this thread.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
What truth do you want I was bad evil n wrong I have admitted all this , I have aplogised to my wife, only indie, gamma and a few others seem to be actually helping me, if you want to hold the handle n pluge it info ahead but by god as my witness I really am starting to get lost with what you want from me, while your arguing this with me on here MY marriage slips away and I want to save it
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What truth do you want I was bad evil n wrong I have admitted all this , I have aplogised to my wife, only indie, gamma and a few others seem to be actually helping me, if you want to hold the handle n pluge it info ahead but by god as my witness I really am starting to get lost with what you want from me, while your arguing this with me on here MY marriage slips away and I want to save it I agree that arguing is a waste of time. So why do it? If you have accepted the truth, as you say, why are you arguing with posters about the porn aspect of swinging?  If you have accepted the truth, as you claim, what would there be to argue ABOUT?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
109
guests, and
47
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
