People are reading along. You seem to have this in hand. Shout out if you are unsure on any specifics.

One thing I forgot to ask is if she wrote the OM a proper MB NC letter?

We told you what you need to do, Dave. It's your turn now. Tell US what YOU are doing.

I'm cheering for you Dave! You have my support. Just stay open and honest with yourself and continue to work on yourself. It sounds to me like you're doing everything you can.

Good luck!

hi brainhurts, just any advice on ways to fufill EN's would be good etc and what sort of things should i look out for as signs that the fog is lifting etc ? also do people go from fog to withdrawn is is the fog there while withdrawn?

Not sure about your question regarding OM ?, i do have a friend a "normal" friend who i new way before everything who also knows OM. My friends is aware of everything and is on My side of the fence but also agreed to give me what ever information he can pick up for me

No this didnt happen and know people will say it should happen, but NC was done before i even found MB.

Any help n advice reagrding fufilling EN's is appreciated

Well i am pretty much doing the whole plan A , avoiding LB trying to fulfill EN's, taking care of myself and making my a better person.

Thanks

I would start diarying, Dave. 'I did x,y,z for her today, her response was'. That way we can tweak your behaviour as and when if need be. Also, take that list of top ENs and read Dr H's descriptions of each EN and his specific tips on how to meet each one.

God I didn't think of doing that, great idea on diarying them, and will go back through the EN list. A lot of the time I get no response to things I do, but guessing as well this is really early days. I think the biggest thing I have seen is that by not LBing I have seen her start to relax more and feel more comfortable when I am around

Do you have the book Surviving An Affair?

Here's some good reads on withdrawal.
Coping With Infidelity:The End

From reading that link it certain sounds and feels like my wife is in the same position as RJ and slightly foggy to boot so if i am in the state of conflict and she is in withdrawel of some kind i guess i should be somehow guiding her to the state of conflict as well, am sure i have read something on here about doing that, just need to find and read it again

Here you go.
Three States of Mind in Marriage
How One Spouse Can Lead the Other Back to Intimacy

thanks i managed to find them again knew i had read them before and read them again, at the moemnt the hard part is finding how to get my wife from widrawal into conflict, which is what i think plan A tries to do. I am having to basically stand onto of my "Taker" and let my "Giver" show her everything whilst she at the moment is in withdrawl.

So like Indie said what things are you doing?

What are her top ENs?

Is she letting you meet any of them?
Does she need ADs?

i am showing affection, verbally, compliments, trying to make light conversation, doing as much domestic work as i can, doign thing with our son (but she wont join in), leaving little notes, flowers etc

her en's would be Affection, Conversation, Family, Admiration, she may well need AD's as after my affair she actually was diagnosed with depression and went on meds, but god if i was even to suggest this now it would be more painless to take a gun to my head.

doing thing with our son (but she wont join in)

Really? Wow!

Okay my friend, here is your chink in her armor. I don't remember the age of your son, but you should find something to do with him that would attract her to join without being asked. THINK! before acting on this. What does she like to do (regardless of your son or you)? Cooking? Painting? Reading? Exercising?

And for the ADs. Be very wary of that topic. You know that, but I'm reinforcing your thoughts.

Well she loves cooking n baking (she bakes the best) , our son is 11 and yeah am staying well clear of AD

Dave, I know you are trying to Plan A right now and are trying to clean up your side of the fence. Good job.

I am getting a strange sense from you that you have now 'changed' your ways from all your past tendencies. If so, fantastic�.scratches head�.

However, just a few days ago you were very defensive, justifying an adulterous, swinging lifestyle because it was �mutually agreeable�. I was appalled with your initial attitude.

Can people change overnight? Which, it appear you have miraculously done.

MB is an honest program. I hope you are using it as such. It is a powerful program but in the wrong hands it can be used as a manipulation tool.

I don�t know�.Something smells fishy here. I hope the changes in you are real is all I am saying.

And, look. It does absolutely no good to convince any of here of anything which isn't 100% the truth. We don't know you, where you live and have nothing to gain by not believing in you.

This is about YOU..not us.

The key here is being honest with yourself�

Baking? Excellent! This recipe could be completed very easily with the assistance of an enthusiastic 11 year-old.

Easy Apple Cake

Ingredients:
� 2 cups diced apples (or pears or combo)
� 1/2 cup raw sugar
� 1 cup whole wheat flour
� � tsp. baking soda
� � tsp. salt
� 1-1/2 tsp. cinnamon
� 1 egg
� � cup applesauce
� 1 tsp. vanilla

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375. Grease a 9" or 10" round pan with a non-stick cooking spray if needed.
Sprinkle diced apples with the sugar, set aside.
In a small bowl, mix the flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. In another bowl, beat the egg. Mix in the apple sauce and vanilla. Stir the flour mixture into the egg mixture, until well mixed. Add apples.
Spread batter into prepared pan.
Bake for 35 minutes.

It will be what it will be...if you do indeed have pure intentions, then if I can be of help, great.

I won't however help you to manipulate your W into R.