I can honestly say the the changes are real and started them before I came on the forum but have got better advice from all you guys.

I admit I was defensive on the swinging side when I first came on here because I guess I didn't want to hear or face the reality of what it had done, but from all of you I really have seen the error of my ways in that aspect since

I wouldn't say I changed over night and every waking moment is a constant internal struggle to keep myself in check, when I feel down n depressed I remind myself of what I am fighting for and the love I have inside to give my wife n marriage. I know I am becoming a better person for this process n know my wife is seeing the changes as well as it confuses her and makes her wary as I am doing things I haven't before

I accept what your saying about MB and as isaid before after looking at so many other sites it was the one that I "got" and could relate to and am using it for the right reasons n to save my marriage

As god as my witness I am been honest n true and all I want in this world is to recover my wife my marriage and my family

If this is the case, then like I said...GREAT for you.

Someone has to be a pretty smooth talker to talk his W into swinging and I have a keen sense and acute radar for people that are manipulators.

You are clearly a smart guy and very articulate.

Only you know the real you�The mirror never lies.

Changes were real before you came here? Come on man...


B.S. meter is going WILD right now. Go back and read your first few posts and come back and tell me that again.

Sorry I didn't phrase it correctly what I was meaning was that I had read all about LB's and recognised them and started to stop them before I first posted on the forums, so I had started the changes and things like also doing more domestic stuff etc, they forum and you guys have given me much more and also help as well with plan A n EN's

Look, not trying to be a buzz kill here kick you while you are down. I know the sting of betrayal too well.

The only way you are going to find happiness is to live an honest life and be true to yourself. MB can help you find that in your M but it has to start with YOU.

My FWW couldn�t look at her own eyes in the mirror for many months while she was still lying to me and we were in our FR. Since she has come clean and is 100% honest with herself, living an honest life for HERSELF, now she can stare in the mirror all day long.

You were the one to commit adultery first. Now you are scared that you are going to lose your W. I get that.

Those that are dishonest can run to the 4 corners of the earth to get away from others�however every mirror on this planet has the same person staring back at them when looked into.

Maybe you are being honest..again, if so fantastic. Something just seems off here. Be true to yourself and you can never go wrong.

I will take some of these as compliments and thanks for the 'GREAT' I was sort of getting to the point of need at least someone somewhere give me a little pat on the back as its a he'll of a hill I am climbing up.

In terms of been articulate thanks when I stay calm an focused I can be and it's also been a curse as well, as my wife has said in the past I talk in ways that she doesn't understand. It's when I lose it AO that been articulate goes out the window and just get frustrated instead but this is something I am working hard on and haven't had any AO in nearly two weeks now, I keep calm breath deep and failing that go for a walk

I am so been true n honest, I can look myself in the mirrors and yes I see the ghosts of the past their as well which I hate and internally beat myself for. But I also look back and see the love in my eyes n know how true it is can say I tried my hardest today but I will try harder tomorrow, one day she will emerge from the fog and see properly that I have changed and I have waited for her and then we can stand together on the path moving forward to been a true husband n wife again

You know how you are going to regain your confidence? Do you know how you are going to feel REALLY good about yourself???


The answer is: Living and honest life every day. Having HONOR in your life. Being the best person you can be every day of every week. We all make mistakes. We all learn.

And the biggie: Being honest with yourself. I mean REALLY being honest with all your warts and turning them into something GOOD.

I know. I fought the battle. I made the changes.

However my M turns out, I am going to win because I have become the person I have always wanted to be.

Then you can pat YOURSELF on the back because you didn't do it for anyone but yourself. It's called self-satisfaction. And if feels wonderful. That is why I am calling you out. I am not convinced you are really changing. I am not convinced you are really changing for the right reasons. I want to help you for you.

I have nothing to gain here. I just see a confused person in you that just a week ago had some of the most terrible morals seen on this board. I see someone desperate to get his W and Family back. Totally understand. Been there.

AGAIN, just hope it is REAL.

Hey, maybe I am a million miles off on this. I hope I am.

It's more real than I can put into words, it's a long path I accept and there will be challenges on the way but by god I will fight them and come what may I will be a better person, if my wife is at the end of that path or meets me along it then that is fantastic but I will walk the path to the end either alone or together, and at the end I can look back at say who was that person who started this journey

thanks for the recipe, but whilst me and my son would enjoy eating it, i know its not something my wife likes, so maybe baking something she would like to at least eat is a better idea

That has been the problem before i havent changed for the RIGHT reasons becuase i never recognized the problems hence while i slipped back again.



This time i looked in the mirror and hated what i saw, i read the LB's and thought yeah i do everyone of them and what a complete *&%&% i have been. I dont want to be that person I dont like it and sure as hell my wife didnt either, so the changes are for ME and for HER, for US and for my FAMILY

Dave, glad to hear the progress with AOs. I used to have lots of AOs too, but the pain of betrayal is one of the best things for straightening that out, bizarrely.

Keep going, and give us more specifics. Like what was said and done in the morning/afternoon/evening. What she said and did in response. What you have lined up for the next day...

Have you seen this?
Anger Mgmt 101

Nope willbe reading it today

Thanks and yeah getting the AO under control is a big thing for me and I knowny wife. Will give you an update on what is said/done, am taking our son to a scooter park for most of the day (on my own) so will let you know.

A lot of time I say all the right things but get no response or just a mono symbolic answer maybe even a thank you. But I still keep saying them, sending her nice txt messages when I am away etc like I will today

one thing i do have in mind is that in the early days she used to send me lots of "purple ronnie" cards (not sure if US people will know them, they are funny stick men cards\books) I am going to find a generic one to send to her in the post. Also i always used to pick out the romantic love heart sweets and give them to her, so i was thinking of getting some and sticking them inside the card as well.

Good plan!

is that to the card n love hearts?

Yup

I was reading another thread and saw this and is something I would like to do but am not sure if I should right now or whether the time is

Leaving a teddy bear wrapped up on her bed witha card that says "xxx, I love you, but I know you do not welcome my love right now. If that changes be sure to let me know. Meanwhile here's a bear for you to cuddle until you feel you want to cuddle me again".

Thoughts?