|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
I think in your situation you should modify the statement to include you BOTH.
In order to save the marriage WE need to agree to these rules.
Make the commitment that YOU won't lie to her or have contact with any other women, and no other men for her. I agree. You both need iron clad EPs. Yes i agree and dont have any issues with this at all, but when would be the best time to actually say this to her, in her current emotional state given after last nights confrontation has left her very cold towards me or do i give it a little time to allow the general atmosphere to lighten a little.
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Just keep on as you are. Snooping, insisting it stop, putting a stop to it, and don't act scared when she pouts.
Be protective. Yep i know  but should i make the statement as above yet or wait for the time been I wouldn't come down that hard, or expect to be listened to, I just think its cleverer to paint yourself as protective and loving If she gives you fogbabble: "I want my cake! Wahhhhh! You are so controlling and demanding" just reverse fogbabble: "Yes I do love you very much and feel protective of you" just refuse to engage. Instead of an OTT demand or laying down the law, which she could easily turn back on you or which could escalate into a row, walk the walk instead of talking the talk. If the computer is continually being used to access OM and triggers, get rid of it or password protect it. Don't argue just say you won't aid and abet a resumption of the A. Take away the drug. While smiling, lookin good and not caring about her hysterics. I would step up your snooping too, now she knows what one of your tools may be.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Thanks indie and all snooping in place so I will know. I didn't dinner tonight and she said thank you still cold but not as much as this morning. Asked how her day was etc made light conversation and talked about sin first day at new school. All still a little stand offish but hey hoy I am smiling, relaxed n happy and refuse to get down oh and I left a love heart under her door that's says "first love" on it which is was, just a little token
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Nice. Cool, calm and clever.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Nice. Cool, calm and clever. Is that an approval for today's actions no lb and fufulling en
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Dave.
If you want to save your marriage you need to move out of state.
Where there is no possibility of seeing people you slept with ever again. And you need to do it ASAP
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Nice. Cool, calm and clever. Is that an approval for today's actions no lb and fufulling en Yep. Dave.
If you want to save your marriage you need to move out of state.
Where there is no possibility of seeing people you slept with ever again. And you need to do it ASAP An excellent point. The odds of the two of you running into a former sexual partner must be rather high and would be disastrous for recovery.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
An excellent point. The odds of the two of you running into a former sexual partner must be rather high and would be disastrous for recovery. This is certainly something I would like n consider in the future when we are both working towards saving our marriage. I know it may surprise you but nobody we have actually lives with 60 miles of where we live
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492 |
Wow dave .. you have come a long ways since you first started your thread... I am impressed. Regardless of the outcome, you will be a far better man than you used to be. However, I have hope that you WILL turn this bus around.
Keep up the good work ... Listen to the vets they DO know what they are talking about and as you do what they advise you will see it unfold as they say it will.
MNG
edit for grammar >.<
Last edited by MrNiceGuy; 09/05/12 02:40 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
An excellent point. The odds of the two of you running into a former sexual partner must be rather high and would be disastrous for recovery. This is certainly something I would like n consider in the future when we are both working towards saving our marriage. I know it may surprise you but nobody we have actually lives with 60 miles of where we live That's quite a distance - how did that happen? Did you travel that far out for swinging weekends or what?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Wow dave .. you have come a long ways since you first started your thread... I am impressed. Regardless of the outcome, you will be a far better man than you used to be. However, I have hope that you WILL turn this bus around.
Keep up the good work ... Listen to the vets they DO know what they are talking about and as you do what they advise you will see it unfold as they say it will.
MNG
edit for grammar >.< Thanks for that and I do hope as well that I can save my marriage as well
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
That's quite a distance - how did that happen? Did you travel that far out for swinging weekends or what? Mainly parties and clubs really so there is little chance of bumping into people, although if we both get on board to save our marriage together and work together I would really like to at least move house way too many memories here both good and bad
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
thanks just need to get that stage of both wanting to work to save our marriage first
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,492 |
thanks just need to get that stage of both wanting to work to save our marriage first Well .. I am a firm believer that by being the example (Jesus asks us to do this too when we represent him) of what you want your marriage to look like will go father and will be a lot more inviting than trying to educate your spouse while she is wayward. MNG Remember .. its a marathon .. not a sprint.
Last edited by MrNiceGuy; 09/05/12 06:12 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Well last night stayed pleasant little snippets of light conversation, she even came back down after our son went to bed and sat watching tv together not quite proper UA time but a start, previously she would of stayed in her room and not been alone with me This morning am in the office, so left a little note for her on her car and also left one for our son as well. Said bye and see you tonight, live you as I was about to leave and this time I got a bye back Oh and another thing after the confrontation on Tuesday night she said she wasn't going on her laptop again cause of feeling snooped n spied on, guess what she did last night went on her laptop just normal surfing, couldnt believe after what she had said
Last edited by dotnetdave; 09/06/12 01:07 AM.
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Good EN meeting. after the confrontation on Tuesday night she said she wasn't going on her laptop again cause of feeling snooped n spied on, guess what she did last night went on her laptop just normal surfing, couldnt believe after what she had said Remember this? All waywards say the same stuff. And it is all stuff that should not be considered credible or listened to.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 413 |
Sorry to sound stupid but what\which bit would you say was good EN meeting? after the confrontation on Tuesday night she said she wasn't going on her laptop again cause of feeling snooped n spied on, guess what she did last night went on her laptop just normal surfing, couldnt believe after what she had said Remember this? All waywards say the same stuff. And it is all stuff that should not be considered credible or listened to. Indie i was thinking the exaclt thing when she went back on her laptop and was also thinking that whilst her initial outburst of been spied on\snooped\weatched etc, my response had been at the time that i love and care for her and will protect her and that i cant help been suspious\paranoid etc. I felt last night in that cold light of day she might have actually proccesed what i had said and it had maybe had a little effect on her that i was been honest and hence why she went on her laptop again.
BH
Married 13yrs, togther 18yrs
1 son, 11yrs
DD: 27th July, Current status plan A
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Watching tv together is considered shared recreational time
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Do you have spyware installed? (If the answer is NO then you need it ASAP)
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
128
guests, and
49
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
