There is one thing I take a positive from and someone else said it on here 5 weeks ago she was dead set on divorce, leaving in summer holidays, no councilling etc and here we are still here and going to councilling. As some one said here and several other women have told me, if she was adamant to leave she would have gone by now in summer holidays. As was said on here something inside her is keeping here where her love bank needs to be filled from and that's my job

Excerpt from the MB newsletter.

And as many churches have already discovered, all of the Marriage Builders� concepts are scripturally based and are in no way in conflict with scripture.

So, encouraging this poster that is a wayward (I know he quit cold turkey recently) with a wayward wife (that he encouraged) with a son that Is told lies about his family to consider going to a church (not any specific religion, ) really isn't out of line with MB concepts

In fact Joyce encourage a stay at home mom a few days ago to get tied into a church

Well thanks for your input on religion but sorry it won't happen so enough said on that. Like I said in my previous reply if you can make some suggestions regarding healing n EN fufulling I am all ears

I'm offering suggestions to help you.
The problem is I think you are using Plan A as a magic potion to win your wife.
I read a statistic that a majority of female swingers are coerced into performing bisexual acts. That Alone can cause emotional problems about sexual identity

Then she has to live in "te closet" and a double life as the person her neighbors know her as and the person the couples she's had sex with know her as.

And you talked her into this lifestyle. I have no doubt that if she was posting we would hear many other terrible things.

The ironing your clothes? She probably doesn't iron because she doesn't like you and is waiting for a ticket out. Now she has a son so that helps keep her there but she is waiting for a ticket out.

You need to demonstrate RADICAL change. Leaving love notes will not do it
This woman needs counseling and healing.

Hopefully these experiences haven't turned her into a sex addict.

That is why I suggested AlAnon to you. It is a program o improve yourself. Your wife does not have to be an alcoholic to join. That's not what the 12 steps are about.

I wish you well and will refrain from future posts on your thread

I dont think you have read all of the thread, and its certainly not what i have read plan A is about or other have posted and told me. I am making changes and we are in counselling as well. I am improving myself through my changes and stopping lovebusting behaviour

I agree ... advising going to church is good. I am christian myself but do not attend church. I dont believe in organized religion so dave I understand where your coming from. The past few generations has really turned people off of religion. Including myself. Too Much Greed in the world and the motives behind the churches (many but not all) are to their own financial gain. ITs sad really. Al lthe churches i have attended in my time the pastors and "higher ups" have all NOT lived within their means (new house .. new cars etc all on an income from the church) while their "followers" live in poverty. Sure they get a bit of help ... but the differences between the lifestyles of many of hte people and the lifestypes of the pastors etc .. blew my mind ...

I think of it like this ... Religion is about DOING the right things to get to heaven .. DO this .. do that .. and god will love you and forgive you. However believing in jesus is about believing in what he has already done and nothing we DO can add up to what he did on the cross for us.

Anyhow I know you dont want to hear that stuff and your not religious .. I just wanted to throw that out there to say im not religious either and explain how it works in MY mind.

Sorry for interupting here Dave.

MNG

Were all well aware of the Harleys' faith and that it is a plan suitable for Christians - and everyone else.

Encouragement - well yes fine but not really what Dave is here for.

Telling him not to refuse it, or that its unhealthy not to be Christian is way too far.

Let's focus on Plan A and MB and stop sending him on wild goose chases to various groups.

Dave,

It seems like you're on the right track.

We call it a roller coaster for a reason. If she only wants to iron her own clothes, how will she like it if you already have them done? Just someday Plan A ideas.

British churches are mainly closing. May be a few pensioners at the back Dave could chat to.

Semi pisses her off but i do ask her eveytime

Been a quite night tonite no time together infront of tv so having an early night wife stayed in her room and said night night and then sent her a text saying that I love her care for her and will protect her and that she is the sexiest lady in the world to me and my soulmate n best friend, just wanted to tell her that I do find her sexy n attractive

Good stuff. Manning up and refusing to walk on eggshells.

manning up in what way and not sure ether walking on eggshells is good or bad

Yes but you must keep in mind that it was never her goal to leave. Waywards are cakeeaters right up until nothing is left of the marriage cake but crumbs.

You read the Never Take The Word of A Wayward thread right? Threatening divorce is the most common lie going. It is supposed to scare the BS into submission. A submissive BS allows cake eating.

And now when she is still here, it could well still be the exact same situation - cake eating. That's OK though. That's Plan A. Just make your cake is the best that can be had and eliminate OMs.

Be very vigilant and don't allow incoming fire or for her to reach out to him.

Walking on eggshells would be bad (which is her goal when she acts pissed off). However refusing to toe that line and texting her forthright compliments is good. Its sexy, confident and is you taking the lead as the man. More of this!!

Trust me from other sources OM is well out of the picture and definitely no contact he now has a lot past history [censored] to deal with along with some men who are not as pleasant as me and rather than use words use hands shall we say

Lol ok more of the sexy compliments etc, have to admit its the first sexy compliment u have made since all this started

Just one thing, saying ILY is actually quite annoying to a WS. You're in Plan A, so you need to stop doing that. And you need to remember to do BOTH the carrot AND the stick of Plan A. Anything you do in Plan A should be what you are willing to continue to do in any future relationship, with or without your WW.

Have you had the discussion with your WW about your swinging lifestyle and how you no longer wish to practice that, and that you apologize for exposing her to that in the first place. That you were wrong? It was the wrong thing for your marriage?

Are you still in contact with anyone from the swingers scene?

He may be physically gone, but we live in a world where contact is only a mouse click or phone call away. And she has already self triggered on Twitter.

Being tough on NC is one of the best 'sticks' of Plan A at your disposal. The best way to show her your transformation from swinger pimp to protective husband.

More than that, the effect on her is the line between success and disaster. So think, next time her A addiction gets curious about what OM is up to - where could she go, what could she do to find out?

Always be one step ahead.

No talk of my room and her room!

There is only our room and the spare/guest room.

Don't normalize sleeping apart.