IAINTREADYTOQUIT- I am hoping to get info to expose to POSOW's parents and friends from her BH. WH works for a small company It's just him, his boss and 2 other employees. They all knew about the affair. While none of them actually condoned it, they did nothing to stop it.

ConstantProcess- Thank you. Yes this is my main thread.

Yes. If you report the ATM cards stolen and place an account hold you will be unable to use them also. Some spouses choose to withdraw as much money as they can because the account will be empty anyway. It's usually a race to see who gets to the bank first.

It sounds like you've exposed good. Unfortunately, some families don't care. When I exposed to OM family and friends I received some support, and even more attacks on me in reply messages! Just take it with a grain of salt.

You don't want to freeze the accounts. Take out all the money except for just enough to keep those accounts open. Put the money in another bank in an account that is in only your name.

See my previous post.

I have blocked his ATM card. Not mine. I will be at the bank first thing Monday AM to withdraw the little bit of money we have left.

I spoke to her husband at length this morning. The POSOW is a thief and has a proven track record as a gold digger. She left her first husband crying domestic abuse for this one. She has been cheating on him with MANY men over the past 18 years, but he never had concrete evidence. She has sucked him dry. To the tune of $250,000. He is broke and has 2 kids to raise. I filled in the blanks for him. He is going to expose to her friends and family. She has claimed domestic abuse against him, too, yet she LEFT her 2 kids with him... Blows my mind the crap that waywards believe.

I am getting references for a good Pit Bull attorney. I will get that ball rolling tomorrow AM, too.

The charges for domestic abuse were apparently dropped. He was investigated by social services and they found him to be a good, competent father...

FE, can your WH just call the bank and have his card "un"blocked? I'm curious about this and would like to know, for advising posters in the future.

Also can you send OWH here? We can help him also.

Good job on exposure.

Where is your WH staying right now? Tell your DDs good job on telling their wayward father how they felt.

MB- He can't have it unblocked because they are issuing a new one and it's being sent to my house in 7 days.

I will put a hold on the mail for a week. He doesn't know how to retrieve mail from the PO...

BrainHurts- I will tell OWH about the website the next time we talk.

Thank you. I tried.

I thought he was staying with his father, but about 45 minutes ago, WH and POSOW pulled into the driveway to pick up his classic car. They thought that I would be at church. When they saw my car in the driveway, they turned around and are probably staking out the house. Or, they went back to the pig sty (she rents a room from an old man near WH's work.)

Oh, and I will tell my daughters good job. They are amazing young women.

So how was your Plan A?

Do you have this? How to Plan B Correctly

Will you be able to get another IM other than your DD?

Do you have a lawyer yet?

Very common false allegation made during divorce.
My ex wife accused me of rape, abuse etc and they were all unfounded

No. Once a card is reported stolen a new card is issued.
The old one is gone

My plan A went on for WAYYYY too long. The past year. It was stellar, as far as the way I acted toward him. I was anyone's dream spouse, but honestly, I was always too good of a spouse.

I do know how to Plan B correctly. I do not have an attorney, but my brother is getting me the name of a good one and helping me with the fees. I haven't written the Plan B letter yet or the addendum with a list of my requirements. It is most important for my daughter and I to be protected financially, right now. He is a complete alien right now.

I do have another IM.

Any other suggestions?

Write your plan B letter today and post for review.
Copy the one in SAA book

Here is my Plan B letter. I basically used the one posted on the sample letter thread, but tweaked things pertinent to our situation. Any suggestions? Going to work on my addendum containing my list of requirements. Will post that when I'm done.




Dear Husband,

This is a difficult letter for me to write, one that I have been mentally working on for weeks now. I have written this letter with the true love that only a wife can have for a husband. Please read every word I have written, for it is from the heart.

I would like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I neglected your needs, and failed to give you what you needed many times. I'm sure this helped create a voice in our marriage that allowed your affair to happen. I have said this before, and I want to say it again: I want to do whatever I can to put our marriage back together in a mutually satisfying way. I feel that I have been learning ways to be the type of woman that I hope you would be proud to call your wife, as I have so many times felt pride in calling you my husband. I so want to be able to put the past behind us, and build a better life together for us and the children.

The past four months have been a difficult passage of time for me, the most emotionally traumatic in my life. We seemed to start recovery in the beginning, only to slip and fail again. I am still feeling the hurt and pain when I didn't know where you were, or when you'd be home. We have somehow misplaced our foundation of trust and respect. But lately God has given me a strength that I never knew I possessed. I have grown and matured more as a Christian than I have in my entire lifetime. Whereas in the past I endured the hurt and pain, I now see that it is soon to drain my love for you. Until you can truthfully and honestly return home and work with me on rebuilding our marriage, I will be having no communication with you, and I will not be seeing you. This is not to punish you, it is to protect my feelings for you and our chances at reconciliation. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left.

I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. Please feel free to call the kids at any time and set up visits. Marjon has agreed to act as an intermediary between us. She will handle any pertinent information that you need to know.

I will be seeking counsel on how to best protect the Emilee financially, specifically child support and how to set that up.

I want us to be a team, and restore our marriage together. I want you to know that no matter how bad the past was, no matter how ugly, we can get past it. With God's help, our true healing can begin. Look inside yourself and find the strength we will need to do this.

I want to grow old with you. I loved you more than life itself while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this. When you find yourself ready and willing to truly and fully commit to our family, willing to work on a plan for our recovery, and agree to follow my list of requirements for returning home, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future.

God be with you, my love.

Your loving wife,
Me

Okay Here's my list of requirements: (borrowed from SexyMamaBear with a few changes.) Thoughts?


REQUIREMENTS TO COMING HOME
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Humility

Remorse

Surrender emotionally before me and spiritually before God

Godly sorrow (not fleshly sorrow) (Godly: sorry that I ever had the A & did this to our family. Fleshly: sorry I hurt you)

Authentic repentance

Own your choices and the consequences they caused (to yourself, me, children, extended family, friends, etc.)

Apology for the A and your hurtful actions before and after

Confession & apology to children

Confession to extended family & certain close friends that have confronted him

Change jobs

Accountability forever to 2 men that I choose

Attend church again

No Contact Letter

Agree to work the Marriage Builders Program

Complete radical honesty about our entire history together

15+ hours together weekly

Pray with me daily

Agree to never go back to the Deale/Shadyside area without me.

I think your plan b letter contains too much irrelevant info.
Do you have a copy of SAA?
I would copy the letter in that book and change the names

And the conditions from sexy momma bear I don't know anything about.
Dr Harley doesn't tell waywards to spiritually surrender to God.

A person relationship with God is between them and doesn't involve you.

I would encourage you to stick to the SAA book and the recovery in there.

Okay. I will adapt it from the book. Thanks. Should my IM contact him with her contact info before he gets it?