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Regarding the classic car, that is very likely half yours and you don't want him selling it (yet). I'd put the keys up somewhere safe--a relative's house, a safe deposit box, whatever you can think of. For your letter, here are my thoughts--their value being what you paid for them  Dear Husband,
This is a difficult letter for me to write, one that I have been mentally working on for weeks now. I have written this letter with the true love that only a wife can have for a husband. Please read every word I have written, for it is from the heart.
I would like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I neglected your needs, and failed to give you what you needed many times. I'm sure this helped create a voice in our marriage that allowed your affair to happen. I have said this before, and I want to say it again: I want to do whatever I can to put our marriage back together in a mutually satisfying way. I feel that I have been learning ways to be the type of woman that I hope you would be proud to call your wife, as I have so many times felt pride in calling you my husband. I so want to be able to put the past behind us, and build a better life together for us and the children.
Your continued adultery with ____ has been The past four months have been a difficult passage of time for me, the most emotionally traumatic event in my life. We seemed to start recovery in the beginning, only to slip and fail again. I am still feeling the hurt and pain when I didn't know where you were, or when you'd be home. We have somehow misplaced our foundation of trust and respect. But lately God has given me a strength that I never knew I possessed. I have grown and matured more as a Christian than I have in my entire lifetime. Whereas in the past I endured the hurt and pain, I now see that it is soon to drain my love for you. Until you end your affair with _____ and can truthfully and honestly return home and work with me on rebuilding our marriage, I will be having no communication with you, and I will not be seeing you. This is not to punish you, it is to protect my feelings for you and our chances at reconciliation. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left.
I ask that you please respect my decision to separate in this way. Please feel free to call the kids at any time and set up visits. Marjon has agreed to act as an intermediary between us. You may contact her at ___ and she will handle any pertinent information that you need to know.
I will be seeking counsel on how to best protect the Emilee financially, specifically child support and how to set that up.
I want us to be a team, and restore our marriage together. I want you to know that no matter how bad the past was, no matter how ugly, we can get past it. With God's help, our true healing can begin. Look inside yourself and find the strength we will need to do this.
I want to grow old with you. I loved you more than life itself while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this. When you find yourself ready and willing to end all contact with OW for life and to truly and fully commit to our family, willing to work on a plan for our recovery, and agree to follow my list of requirements for returning home, I will be ready and willing to discuss our future.
God be with you, my love.
Your loving wife,
Me
Last edited by Northwood8900; 09/10/12 03:43 PM.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Should my IM contact him with her contact info before he gets it? No. Give the IM contact info in the letter and let him figure out how to contact her.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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[quote=Northwood8900]Regarding the classic car, that is very likely half yours and you don't want him selling it (yet). I'd put the keys up somewhere safe--a relative's house, a safe deposit box, whatever you can think of.
Too late. He came to get it last night. He had the only set of keys....
Thank you for the recommendations. I like them. Will do. Should I mail it?
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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He's been planning this... I just went to get the boat keys, so that he wouldn't take the boat, and they are gone. Can't even get an appointment with an attorney until next Monday... What should I be doing until then. Starting to stress...
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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He's been planning this... I just went to get the boat keys, so that he wouldn't take the boat, and they are gone. Can't even get an appointment with an attorney until next Monday... What should I be doing until then. Starting to stress... Have you documented everything? Read this. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He's been planning this... I just went to get the boat keys, so that he wouldn't take the boat, and they are gone. Can't even get an appointment with an attorney until next Monday... What should I be doing until then. Starting to stress... While it'd have been nice to have the keys, the property still exists so you're probably fine. Hell, it's kind of hard to hide a car and a boat. They'll show up. An attorney can advise on what to do when your WH tries to hide assets. I'm sure they've seen all the tricks, so try not to stress out too much. I imagine you'll feel a little better once you get a plan together legally/financially. Either mail the letter or give it to him on his way out the door. Did you get the bank finances squared away...any direct deposits sent to a new account in a new bank? Passwords changed for any banking/IRA/401(k) online logins? A new account at a different bank is important. There's a thread here where a BW opened a separate account at a bank, only to have them withdraw from it to fund the joint account that her WH bounced.
Last edited by Northwood8900; 09/10/12 11:37 PM.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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ah, FE, i'm sorry to read your most recent post. the best thing you can do, as recommended above, is protect yourself legally and financially. document everything, and use a paper/pen book to do it (with dates, etc).
don't panic too much. your lawyer will be able to work out the finances; you'd be surprised (or maybe not) how often that kinda thing happens.
get going on your to-do list, starting with the pb letter & im.
and most importantly, take care of yourself. the biggest battle of your life is coming up (and if you think the very long plan a was hard [i did that too], wait for what comes next! keep your eyes on the prize. you can only battle when you are kept well.
hang in there lady. give us a post soon w/an update where you are with your list.
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You can post it here
And yes, the relationship with God is personal, unless you enjoyed being hung on the cross?
Many of us have experienced that, and it stinks
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Yes I have been documenting everything. Thank you.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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ah, FE, i'm sorry to read your most recent post. the best thing you can do, as recommended above, is protect yourself legally and financially. document everything, and use a paper/pen book to do it (with dates, etc).
don't panic too much. your lawyer will be able to work out the finances; you'd be surprised (or maybe not) how often that kinda thing happens.
get going on your to-do list, starting with the pb letter & im.
and most importantly, take care of yourself. the biggest battle of your life is coming up (and if you think the very long plan a was hard [i did that too], wait for what comes next! keep your eyes on the prize. you can only battle when you are kept well.
hang in there lady. give us a post soon w/an update where you are with your list. I have documented everything. I have written my plan b letter. A friend will hand deliver it to him today at work. I do have a new IM in place. Bank business is taken care of. (Withdrew the little amount of money left and opened an account at another bank). Spoke to my daughters Principal and counselor today to make them aware of the situation. (She has been a complete mess and has learning issues stemming from her brain injury.) How horrible is "what's to come," Letty? I have lost so much weight already. Thank you for your response.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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A best practice, recommended for property insurance is to videotape every valuable in your house in case of loss. That way you have everything documented.
This could also be used in divorce. Walk around with a video recorder and record everything of value.
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ConstantProcess- Thank you for the reminder. It is personal, but I do know that I am not strong enough to handle this without my Lord.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Got a text message from WH's brother last night. He wants to call me today. Apparently, he is really upset at the turn of events. He wanted to make sure that I know that he was unable to influence WH, and let me know what he knows. Should I speak with him? Or should I tell him that I can't hear anything that would add to the pain that I am already enduring?
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Joined: Jun 2012
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Thank you. I will have my SIL do that today, since I don't have a video recorder.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Joined: Nov 2011
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I would speak to the brother in law.
Tell him you want to save your marriage and ask if he can help persuade your husband to end his affair.
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Got a text message from WH's brother last night. He wants to call me today. Apparently, he is really upset at the turn of events. He wanted to make sure that I know that he was unable to influence WH, and let me know what he knows. Should I speak with him? Or should I tell him that I can't hear anything that would add to the pain that I am already enduring? I don't see anything wrong with talking to him, but if you want to sidestep it for a bit you could always just text back "Thanks so much for your continued support. It means a lot and we appreciate your getting involved for us. Got to run, I'll catch up with you later."
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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FE, I just read your thtread and wanted to tell you how incredibly awesome you are! You listened to the posters, you executed quickly and you are in control of the situation. I can't believe how refreshing it is to see a poster that isn't butt-dragging and making excuses.
Way to go, girl!
~RQ
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Yes. She is doing a great job.
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Thank you Rocketqueen and HDW. I appreciate the kind words and all of the advice.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Perhaps you can go "na na na na" to some of the boys here 
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