No kidding! It usually takes dozens of pages in a thread to get a betrayed spouse to expose and say enough is enough.

Great job!

.....maybe.

Thank you.

Maritalbliss, I'm not sure about a bank card, but my WXW and I had joint credit cards. I called the bank and put hers on hold. A few days later she charged $5,000 for her lawyer's retainer fee to the card.

I called the bank when I found out and they said, "What, you didn't cut the card up?"

We call it the adultery diet/divorce diet. 20 lbs in a month is not uncommon. In fact, it's par for the course.

I would still cancel any joint bank accounts or get your name removed from them asap. My XH quit his job, went into hiding w/his GF in our new motorhome and withdrew thousands of dollars from the bank that we didn't even have in there! (I hadn't known you could do that but apparently if you have overdraft protection you can). It all happened so fast! I got stuck paying all of our joint debts and never saw our motorhome or car or motorcycle again.

It all depends on how ruthless he is...you wouldn't think it of your husband, but they can sure surprise you! My lawyer seemed to be naive...to this day I still don't have a mailing address for XH and it's been four years!

BTW, stellar job so far!

Yeah I get you, and within myself there has always been that presence also, that need to look up beyond my humanity for answers to life's questions and guidance.

Its not very popular either, but I have found that conscience to be more dependable than people and all the philosophy that the wisest can muster in their education. Im sure you know what I mean.

At the end of the day That authority from above is the only one I can draw peace from.

Yes in its purest form it is a gut punch..I remember it when my first wife left me when we had been together 4 years at 22, had a son who was 2, and she just had to "party, you work to hard!!" I was also not a cruel and abusive young man, and even her kind and gentle Mom thought i was doing everything I could and was upset with her

I remember the feeling and the emptiness of my stomach as I lost that wieght also in 30 days. Went from muscular 200 lbs down to 170 lbs in about 4 weeks as I also was working two jobs..

It truly is an epidemic that has been around for ages, that we think we are immune too. You are not alone in this.

I never lost weight. But I lost sleep.
I encourage you to visit your family doctor and explain what is going on. They can help prescribe medication for any sleep or anxiety problems

Thank you all for your responses. I definitely get the loss of weight and loss of sleep thing. I did go to my doctor and he prescribed sleeping pills, but I don't like the way they make me feel.

As far as eating goes, it's hard to eat when you feel like you have a huge pit in your stomach all of the time, but I have been making myself get down what I can manage- My DD16 is having difficulty with eating and sleeping, so I have to lead by example. We have an appointment for her to see the doctor tomorrow.

I DO want to say that as scary as it is to expose, it is DEFINITELY the right thing to do. I have heard from several of family members (his side) that are blown away by this, and have thrown there support behind me. I also heard from one of his co- workers last night. It felt really good sharing the truth with him. He was just shocked at the depths of deceit. This is the co-worker whose wedding WH brought POSOW to back in November, when I thought he "couldn't bring anyone to the wedding" because he had already responded to say one person would be attending.

Exposure is the very best thing that you can do. I knew that everyone at WH's work and in that area knew about the affair. What I didn't realize when I first posted, is that they only knew his side of the story- the one where he vilified me and our kids and made them think we were separated, etc... The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie.

*their* support. Sorry, too early to think straight...

To whomever posted the "Midlife for Dummies" post- Thank you. It was spot on. I printed it out and showed several family members and friends. They thought I was the one who wrote that...

Also, WH had bought himself a Harley with the money from his 401k back in June. He has been keeping it at his father's house since he doesn't have his motorcycle license. I thought that he had taken the keys and title, but I found them yesterday! *happy dance!* I put them in a safety deposit box that is in my name only.

Absolutely!

Have you delivered your plan b letter to him?

Yes. It was delivered today.

FE, send a copy of it to the OW as well with a note that you are fighting for your marriage. This is mentioned in the SAA book.

Will do that today! Thank you Rocketqueen!

Besides letting OW know that you aren't just going to fade away, it may also be something that they can argue and get in a fight over.

I just want to say thank you so much to all of you for the advice! It's amazing to me that a bunch of people that don't know you, but are connected by a common thread, are willing to take the time to help others.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!


Marriage Builders rocks!

You don't know how refreshing it is to actually see someone stand up for what's right in their marriage.

You see the other threads where it's like pulling teeth to get someone to do something that seems so obvious. People get paralyzed and sit in shock, but once they stand up they, inevitably, come back and say it was the best thing they ever did.

Been there, done that, got the lousy t-shirt.

You're giving your kids someone to be proud of, that's for sure.