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You don't know how refreshing it is to actually see someone stand up for what's right in their marriage.
You see the other threads where it's like pulling teeth to get someone to do something that seems so obvious. People get paralyzed and sit in shock, but once they stand up they, inevitably, come back and say it was the best thing they ever did.
Been there, done that, got the lousy t-shirt.
You're giving your kids someone to be proud of, that's for sure. x2
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Well, I just want to say that WH contacted my IM yesterday and has agreed to my requirements for coming home. He wanted to set up a time to come talk to me. He came over last night. He has already put in his 2 weeks notice at work and has made arrangements with a friend of ours from church to work with him those last two weeks (for accountability).
He also wrote the No contact letter, which I approved and will mail today.
He was definitely "on his knees with his hat in his hands" - very sincerely apologizing and sobbing like never before. He apologized to both daughters, SIL, and IM. He told me that he wants to apologize to our pastor and everyone that has been affected by his actions.
He asked to move back home. He WANTS to tell me everything about the affair. We have scheduled a night this weekend, so that we can be alone.
He is excited to start working the MB program with me and has offered to read SAA to me. (This has never happened- he hates to read.)
I know that we have a long road yet, but He is 100% on board. He even agreed to a polygraph...
Will update more later.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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This is GREAT news, FE! I'm so happy for you. Keep us updated.
~RQ
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WOW!! What a beautiful change of heart! Yeah, you have a long road, BUT, the great thing is that it can't be walked together if it is only you, and he wants to go on this journey with you to recover your marriage!!! Wonderful news!!
BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Well, I just want to say that WH contacted my IM yesterday and has agreed to my requirements for coming home. He wanted to set up a time to come talk to me. He came over last night. He has already put in his 2 weeks notice at work and has made arrangements with a friend of ours from church to work with him those last two weeks (for accountability).
He also wrote the No contact letter, which I approved and will mail today.
He was definitely "on his knees with his hat in his hands" - very sincerely apologizing and sobbing like never before. He apologized to both daughters, SIL, and IM. He told me that he wants to apologize to our pastor and everyone that has been affected by his actions.
He asked to move back home. He WANTS to tell me everything about the affair. We have scheduled a night this weekend, so that we can be alone.
He is excited to start working the MB program with me and has offered to read SAA to me. (This has never happened- he hates to read.)
I know that we have a long road yet, but He is 100% on board. He even agreed to a polygraph...
Will update more later. What were the conditions you gave him in your PBL? Has he met them all?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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If possible Dr Harley recommends a vacation following an affair.
Can you and your husband go on a week vacation?
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Once again, Exposure, followed by Plan A, and followed by Plan B, if necessary, works. Excellent work, FE!
I second HDW's suggestion to take a vacation. After the two weeks he has left at his job are up, he should be over his post-affair depression.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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Well depression can last up to 6 months
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Well depression can last up to 6 months How long is normal for the phase of sleeping all day, not eating, etc.? I was under the impression 3 days to a week. In SAA, Dr Harley states that a sudden reappearance of depression is usually a sign of continued contact with the OP.
BH (me), age 30. Plan D final 1/1/13
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Great news FE, just be aware of a possible bouncing ball effect, where he second guesses himself again.
But by no means let that take away from the joy you must be feeling right now, and his coming home where he belongs
Its a long road back but it is worth it for both of you together. Its doable
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[quote
What were the conditions you gave him in your PBL? Has he met them all?[/quote]
REQUIREMENTS TO COMING HOME
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Humility
Remorse
Surrender emotionally before me and spiritually before God
Godly sorrow (not fleshly sorrow) (Godly: sorry that I ever had the A & did this to our family. Fleshly: sorry I hurt you)
Authentic repentance
Own your choices and the consequences they caused (to yourself, me, children, extended family, friends, etc.)
Apology for the A and your hurtful actions before and after
Confession & apology to children
Confession to extended family & certain close friends that have confronted him
Change jobs
Accountability forever to 2 men that I choose
Attend church again
No Contact Letter
Agree to work the Marriage Builders Program
Complete radical honesty about our entire history together
15+ hours together weekly
Pray with me daily
Agree to never go back to the Deale/Shadyside area without me.
Yes, he has.
_________________________
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Now you need to follow the Recovery section in SAA book.
Dr Harley recommends a vacation after an affair.
Can you go on a vacation?
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Thank you CP. I will. It is different this time. I am sure you have heard that a 100 times before. He is acting completely out of character for him. Last time, I could tell that he was only telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. This time, it's his words. I don't know how to explain it. He even wants to come on here and talk to you all. He doesn't use computers- doesn't know how.
I heard everything this weekend (full disclosure) It was hard to hear, but I am going to be okay. I knew I didn"t know the whole truth before, but now I do.
Thank you all for the suggestion to go away. We may be going to the mountains next week.
I have much more to tell you all, but I have an 80th birthday party to attend.
Will update you on POSOW's latest despicable act, and FIL and BIL's reaction to all of this.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Oh posow will try everything now to wrangle him.
Have a great time at the party and hope to hear from you soon
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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HDW- We are leaving today for the mountains until Sunday. Thank you for all of your help so far. CP- The party was very nice. Thank you.  The POSOW sent our older daughter a very nasty FB message about all of the places that they had sex in our house (luckily for me, WH disclosed all of the info to me prior to this). That was only some of it. She got very ugly in the message. It was very upsetting for our DD to read. This upset WH beyond words that she's trying to go through our kids. He is disgusted with her. She has been calling FIL daily, making stuff up about me... She has been driving through the marina where WH works looking for him each day. Do they ever go away? Will let you know how the week goes when we get back.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Wow, she is a piece of work! Glad you are getting away for a bit. I would consider filing a restraining order against her based on her harassment.
~RQ
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Keep the email ;
I would send her a No Trespass letter. Have the Sheriff Steve her with it. It may scare her off
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Wow, she is a piece of work! Glad you are getting away for a bit. I would consider filing a restraining order against her based on her harassment.
~RQ Ditto, get the legal beagles advice, and if H has issued a NC letter, bring a copy to the lawyers attention also, that she has been personally served already, and what her response has been is harassment She needs to get a life and move on too, you will be doing her a favor with a swift kick in the behind, via the law if nessesary, and it seems it is nessesary
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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Wow, she is a piece of work! Glad you are getting away for a bit. I would consider filing a restraining order against her based on her harassment.
~RQ Yeah, I wouldn't waste any time hoping she'll go away. A swift (legal) response would be in order.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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File a restraining order.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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