HDW- Is a no trespass letter the same thing as a restraining order?

It might be different from state to state. Here in NY, there has to be a police complaint and a charge filed in order to get an order of protection. The aggravated harassment (repeated contact) is something the police will investigate.With proof they can charge with AH and then you can get the OOP.

No. A No Trespass letter is served on the individual and is kept on file. Retail stores often do this with shoplifters. That way if the shoplifter returns store security can show the police the individual was duly served and notified future trespass will result in arrest.

You can have the County Sheriff serve the letter of No Trespass and that may be enough to scare her off with no cost to you.

Here is a sample no trespass letter from a polie department :

http://www.wpd.org/images/Tresspass_notice.doc

Thanks for the advice everyone. We are going to file a retraining order. She is getting ugly and we don't need her crap right now.

Our trip was really nice. We were able to spend a lot of quality time together. My brother and his wife have a beautiful stone house in the mountains of WV. It's like a very private mountain resort. We were able to just hang out, relax and spend lots of time outdoors without life getting in the way. It was much needed.

WH went back to work today to start his last 2 weeks. Unfortunately, the friend from church who was going to be working with him had a death in his family and won't be able to start until Wednesday. This has made me have a nervous stomach. I wanted to go (and he wanted me there, too), but our DD16 had doctor's appointments this morning for ongoing problems stemming from her TBI. Then she has a half day tomorrow because of parent - teacher conferences. So, today and tomorrow are going to be hard on me.

We plan on starting SAA again tonight. He is excited about reading it and starting the program. I'm hoping that a few of the guys on here that are FWHs will get on his thread and advise him when he starts one.

I am a little overwhelmed by all of the things that we need to do in addition to all of the normal life things. Such as: selling the boat, antique car, and getting the house ready to put on the market. Any advice on handling everything without losing your mind?

Thank you. I will check out that link now.

Try to stay organized.
Reach out to your church family for support.

Okay. Thank you HDW.

I have another question. How do I handle all of this with DD16? She is the one that suffered the TBI and had total memory loss. She has had a hard time trusting anyone since her injury. She is really upset about all of this. This is the 3rd time that he left and came back (but the first time since I knew of the A).

I have tried to explain to her that we are starting the MB program, and that things are different this time around. She thinks that I am just being a doormat again and that things will go back to the way they were before. She said that she is mad at me because I look at WH "all googly-eyed," and that I shouldn't be in love with him. Well, I can't help the fact that I am in love with him. I am not letting him walk all over me, but I am nurturing by nature. He doesn't expect it, I just do it.

WH told her (and me) that he knows he has to prove himself to her, and that he knows it has to be actions, not words. Which considering she WON'T talk to him about anything that isn't benign chit chat, is good, right?

It is just hard on me because she lets me know how she feels, and it all falls on me.

My oldest is seven and believes in the Tooth Fairy so my "advice" is probably worth what you paid for it, but have they (DD16 and H) talked about this? I'd almost say she just needs to get it all out, in whatever form that may be--crying, yelling, screaming, whatever--and have him just sit there, listen and take it in.

Yes, he needs to not only acknowledge but apologize to her...it hurts kids' faith too.

Talk is...talk. Your DD knows that. She's looking for action. Show her. Don't tell her.

Thank you Rocketqueen. I will check the procedure for my state.

Northwood, kaycstamper and maritalbliss-

Thank you for your responses.

He has confessed and apologized to both DDs. DD23 has no problem expressing herself and has told him her feelings about everything. DD16, on the other hand, just started sobbing and flew into his arms, hugging him and telling him that she loved him. WH has tried to talk to her a few times since - he can sense her anger, but she clams up.

MB- are there any specific actions that you suggest we try? I know I sound like an idiot, but I am still quite overwhelmed by it all...

Someone already told you.
Words are words.
Actions are actions.

They will be watching for a change in behavior.
That's up to him, not you

I understand that and so does WH. I guess what I am asking is how should I respond with actions? When she starts "venting" to me about WH, I usually respond, "You need to talk to your father about this. This is between you and him." or something along those lines. She is angry with me, because I took him back.

Well then she is addressing your actions. So she deserves an answer why you took him back.
You may want to explain that you are following an Affair Recovery Program. This can be an important life lesson for her

You might try, instead, "Let's go talk with your father about this." With the three of you in the room, you can "start" the meeting, so to speak, by announcing that DD has a concern, but leave it up to him to conduct it.

NW, great idea! She needs to know you care, you are listening to her, but it will be up to him to produce the actions. You can tell her you have a plan for your marriage, and agree that you too do not want the old marriage and understand her concerns.

I have told her exactly that. I guess she will be frustrated with me until HE proves to her that he is serious, through his actions. She is typically not disrespectful, but this has turned her into a real eye-roller...

Thank you all for the advice.

NW and kaycstamper- I will try that approach when she vents. I have tried something similar, but have stayed in the room. That just makes her mad. Even though WH is the one trying to talk to her, she just glares at me and tells him, "I'm fine."