indie you read my mind lol was just about suggestion to just doing an invitation card type of thing, and good call on the sweets can get it done tomorrow and leave it on her blow up bed in the SPARE room for when she goes to retreat there

my plan was to get out of the house as well on saturday with a change of clothes, so she can be alone to relax get ready etc for the car to pick her up and i will meet her there. Would that be a good idea and if so should i put that in the invite

another thing is she works with austistic children at school, would it be nice to get her a book on it and leave it as a gift etc ?

Yeah, I'd put it in the invite.

I wouldn't give her the book, I'd read it. Then I'd talk to her about the topic, making clear I'd read the book just to understand her work. Even if she doesn't bite, she won't be able to deny the effort. Game. Set. Match.

Remember its the planning and effort that gets you the credit, not the actual doing.

Plus if you get turned down that's your cue to be the most confident, unflappable man she's ever turned down!

There's something totally brilliant about a man who doesn't fold up and die simply on hearing the word 'no'.

Indie,

car and meal booked so i plan to put the followign in the invite:)

"WW,

I would like to invite you on a date for dinner on saturday night, there is a table booked for 8.30 and a car will come to collect you at 7:45. I plan to leave the house around lunch time to give you space to relax and get ready.

Love
D xxx
"

So what do you think of this as the invitation ? good? bad? ok? change it?

Brill

thanks indie i went to look for an invitation card but found absolutly non suitable, so going to do a hand written little note and put under her pillow

Well the note is in place and guess what my expectations are




Yep none either she says nothing or like indie said she says no and I have a retort ready for the no as well one question if she says no before I give her the James Bond response do I tell her to think about it for a few days etc first and let me know?

Hmmm. If she gives an adamant 'no' I would just shrug, say 'no probs' and cancel it, letting her know to tell you if she reconsiders. The offer and the 'night that could have been' will be implanted in the mind.

If she just whines and acts up about it and seems undecided, I would just tell her she needs to let you know whether she wants to go, by a certain day.

Well dont know if this is good news or not, but WW has definately read the note\invite i left her as its gone from under her pillow now and guess what response i got . . . . .


Absolutley none, yep she hasnt mentioned it or said a word about it to me, no txt, no email, nothing. So this could be either she is calling my bluff, intends to bring it up in tonights counsilling session, hasnt actually read it (which i doubt), or is just refusing to speak\acknowlege me or she is considering it and might actually come

We shall see . . .

hahahaha. Bet her wheels are spinning.

'How can I keep Dave on the backburner AND get his attention without being such a huge pain he dumps me entirely...hmm?'

If it doesnt come up between now and tomorrow, just mention to her pleasantly that the cab will be there at x time. Then skoot before she can answer.

so you reckon things look partially good then? i definately wont dump\divorce her and she knows that, maybe this has finally started to sink in with her that i really do love her and despite her not fufilling any of my EN's i am still doing this.

I could be wrong Dave, but the "date" seems to kind of have an air (right spelling?) of mystery and or formality with the car coming to get her and no restaurant specified. Perhaps she's keeping with the theme and planning on going along with the idea as anticipated. Maybe?

2l2l i certainly hope so will just have to see if she mentions anything

Oh she knows that you dont want to dump her or divorce her. She knows you love her and are keen to suffer for a bit.

But women tend to be very good at maintaining relationships. Though WWs are much more thoughtless than before, some of them are so used to maintaining a relationship they still do some of it by habit.

A man is not expected to do much in order to keep his male friends. Maybe be good company, that's pretty much it.

It's harder to keep women happy. If I didn't send my female friends greeting cards, remember and enquire after their big and little life events..I'd lose them. Eventually. I know i am expected to remember their likes and dislikes when I make restaurant reservations. And I will keep my friends, or make more friends, if I send affectionate texts here and there.

You also have to be super careful not to offend women. We can't take the piss out of each other to the same extremes that men do. We have to be very gentle with each others' feelings. When two men haven't seen each other for a long time, the first thing they do is call each other fat and bald - and then laugh! Can you imagine two women calling each other fat? They would rave about each other's untouched youthfulness if they wanted to stay friends. And if you want to make a new female friend, you must do something thoughtful for her, or at least compliment her shoes.

My point is that your wife is well versed in the art of being a good companion. When she avoids offending you, or gets you a favourite item of food from the shops.. it doesnt mean that much.

It would mean more coming from a man, but for a woman these things are just a reflex.

Your wife is merely undecided and it is easy for her to use these well-practiced reflexes to avoid annoying you.

hmmmmmmmmmm not sure this is a good or bad post indie, like 2l2l said i am hoping she is going t come and see this as something positive as well. If she does come this would be a huge huge step as well from her. As it would be her acknowledging some things and also the first true real UA time since i cant remember so i am staying positive on this but without expectations

i definately wont dump\divorce her and she knows that,

WRONG!

If she were to start seeing OM again and throwing it in your face, you'd lay down as a doormat?

Remember, dude, Plan A has a carrot and a STICK. You need to maintain the balance between her two alternatives.

update she just sent me a text saying she had planned to go out with a female friend on saturday. So how do i respond to this?

a) oh i can canel all the arrangement then

b) would you like me to reschudle them.

c) you hadnt told me that you were going out etc

d) oh ok you hadnt mentioned if i have rescheduled everything to friday night instead xx

Our son is away on friday night as well, so i could try and change for then? need a quickish reply if yoru about indie

"Okay, I understand. Would Friday be better, or shall we aim for next week?"

NG i just added option d

"oh ok you hadnt mentioned it, i have rescheduled everything to friday night instead xx"

next wee a lot harder due to our son and needing sitters etc, henche this friday\saturday he is away. Also her txt said the she had "planned" to go our with friend, but not actually saying she is. so i could just say "oh ok, well am sure (friend) will understand and wont mind us going out"

hows about saying "oh i understand, i am sure <friend> wouldnt mind us going out or i can change the arrangements to friday instead"


like i say the txt she sent said she "planned" which to me infers she hasnt actually confirm it etc