Read the parallel parenting thread.
It addresses all o your concerns.
Make exchanges at a neutral place such as school.
Only communicate with your ex wife via email

If you do not make these changes you will never get over her and you need to move on for your own good

Here I posted to you back on 8-14-12.

Here has all the Plan B information/links in this thread.
How to Plan B Correctly

I have read and reread all of these several times. I need to find a solution for this:
INTERMEDIARY (IM)
~Find an IM. There is no substitute for this. Do not underestimate the importance of an IM. Do not think �only� text messages or �only� emails are acceptable. They aren�t. YOU MUST FIND AN IM. It can be a family member, a friend or (best bet) someone from MB. A CLOSE family member (parent or in-law) isn�t recommended ~ they are usually not able to stay neutral enough and if you get into recovery this could be difficult.

Like i said, i asked a few people and they didnt want to get involved.

Our sons sitter is closed this Friday and Monday. I have known this for some time, it is posted on the sign in sheet and in the yearly calendar.

It seems she always brings these things up when i have our son.

Yesterday, she texted me asking me if a could help, since i dont have him on either day. It was hard because i love spending time with our son. I just text back and said No i cant, im sorry.

Then later she text again asking if i could watch him next week so she could go to parent weekend to see my stepson. I have not responded.

That is my dilemna, those things are what i have problems with. If i have no IM do i just ignore her?

To be honest i dont think about her as much as i used to. My emotions are affected when i have to drop off my son. He doesnt want to go, he cries and wants to stay with me. I feel compassion for him because i know what it feels like to be abandon and i hurt for him.

You don't need an IM to have limited contact with her.
I don't use an IM and most of the parallel parenting thread doesn't talk about using an IM.

I can help you establish limited contact.
Some people need an IM for their emotional health. If you feel you need an IM I would be willing to help.
However I encourage you to try Limited Contact first.
I can give you more info about limited contact if needed. I have developed form letters etc so when she contacts you can just copy and paste without really thinking of how to respond every time

it is my belief if you can reunite do

maybe you seek therapy for how to co exist with the controlling mother in law

Recommend you take HDW's advice/help. Limited contact seems like it would fit your situation well. Scheduling your pickups and drop offs in neutral locations could also help a lot with the separation anxiety for him.

HDW,

Thanks, please help me as much as possible. If you think i should try limited contact first, please help me with that. I dont know, but like i said, yesterday really bothered me and i wasnt able to focus on my time with my son because she wast contacting me to help with her poor planning.

Thanks again.....

Step 1: Create an email account designated for contact with ex wife only. You can create one on gmail or aol or yahoo in about 5 minutes. This account will only be used for communication with ex wife

Step 2: use this letter as a template and text or email it to ex wife:

As of today (Date) I will only communicate with you by email (designate email address).�
I will only respond to emails concerning our children or other issues as required by Court Order.�
Emails will be reviewed every 24 hours.�

Please do not phone, write, text message or contact me in person or in any other manner.�You are trespassed from my residence. Future child pick ups and drop offs will be made (curb side, at school, church, etc)

While children are in my custody i will have them call you daily at 6:30 pm.�

In the event of an actual child related emergency please contact my father at xxxxxand/or my sister at xxxxx and I will immediately respond.�

Hi Ruikee, I've been reading along your thread because my H completely walked away from his son and your emotions are helpful to me to see. I'm curious about these requests from your ex...would you be able to care for your son during these times? You said earlier how painful it was to not have him more, and it wasn't clear from your post if you can't have him during these times she's offering or are choosing not to do as not to help her out.

Jennifer,
There's just a little difference here depending on how you look at it. she doesn't have anyone to watch him when her parents are gone. So she asks me. On the same note if there is something neat that I can do with him, and I ask, she never let's me have him. I may be wrong, but it seems like its only when it's convenient for her.
I have helped out many times. I have had him more than the time she is suppose to have him. She is a teacher and has the summers off. I took my Sumer visits when she chose to work for summer school so she didn't have to pay the sitter. She went to a family reunion in Reno and didn't take him. She went to England with her mother and I had him.
These two days I couldn't due to work and short notice.
To address your question about emotions, I can now see why it's so much easier for a man to walk away from the children. They are painful reminders of what once was. It like that wound is reopened each time we are with them. and most men even though they will not admit it feel a lot of shame when the family is broken up no matter who's fault it was or what happened.

I have read all of the MB books. But there is one that really explains what man and woman feels like and there emotions. I attended a boot camp for compassion. A couple was there and they had divorced and remarried. The wife said had she read this book, she would never have divorced him. She gave it to a divorced friend of hers and she said the same thing. So it must speak volumes to women. I don't know if I can post it but it has a pink cover and was written by dr stosney and dr love. Do a search for compassion power and it will be there. I hope this helps and I will be willing to share how I would feel in certain situations to possibly help you understand.

Blessings to you

HDW,
Thank you, I read one of your posts asking if you should write a LL to your wife, did you do that?
What is the next step? If she texts me asking about something that is already in our court agreement, do I just ignore the question?
I appreciate your help and this is very hard to do because I have such an empathetic and compassionate heart.

Just respond with "according to court agreement XYZ".

If it's something she keeps trying to get around the court order and you've already responded then just ignore her.

Yes. I have the following Template to be used:

I am in receipt of your recent email.�
Insofar as your email does not concern child or other Court Order related issues I will not address the issues you raised.�
Please confine your emails to child related issues only.�
Thank you�

First, if she texts you it means she is testing to see if you will stick to the email only policy. This is the template to be used if she texts you:

"Please limit communication to email only. If I receive future text messages I will block them. Thank you. "

Then you block her text messages

Please consider that all of the templates I provide are polite but firm.
That is what is needed in setting personal boundaries.
We do not insult or degrade our ex wife's. We are polite. We write responses that we will gladly share with a judge.
BTW, one reason for having a designated email account is so we can produce records of conversations in court if needed

Step 3: court orders usually require you to share certain information.
This is how you can meet the court order with no direct contact:

Template letter: (go to google an create a shared calendar)


In an effort to more efficiently share important child event dates such as doctor appointments, school events, vacations, etc I have created an online calendar.
You will soon receive an email from Google with instructions on how to access this calendar online.
Thank you

HDW,
Is there a way we can communicate other than this site. I would like to get some more insite.
I discussed these templates with my therapist, and my therapist did not agree with this type of communication at this point. I dont think its being said to keep me coming back because i need to anyway.

Do you have any other templates, or anything to share.

I also asked that i seen one of your other posts asking about the LL but never received a response. Did you send one?

Blessings....

My atty pointed me to this. So far my STBXW has refused to use it. Courts like it. Isn't free but isn't expensive either.

http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/

I suggest you call Dr Harley on the radio show.
It's obvious that your current method isn't healthy for you.