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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair I had an affair and now want to save my marriage

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Re: I had an affair and now want to save my marriage BlackViolet #2668590 09/25/12 02:43 PM
Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,463 Oregon K KayC Member
KayC Member K Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,463 Oregon	I don't think there is a ready answer for that. It's going to depend on several things... How deeply you were entrenched with him How long A went on If you have some triggers around (souvenirs, etc.)...if so get rid of them. If those voids are being filled...if your emotional needs are being met by husband, it will help quell those thoughts. *How faithful you are at immediately turning from those thoughts. If you daydream or linger on them, they will have a hold on you. Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .

Re: I had an affair and now want to save my marriage KayC #2668723 09/25/12 10:18 PM
Joined: Sep 2011 Posts: 219 B BlackViolet OP Member
OP BlackViolet Member B Joined: Sep 2011 Posts: 219	Originally Posted by kaycstamper I don't think there is a ready answer for that. It's going to depend on several things... How deeply you were entrenched with him How long A went on If you have some triggers around (souvenirs, etc.)...if so get rid of them. If those voids are being filled...if your emotional needs are being met by husband, it will help quell those thoughts. How faithful you are at immediately turning from those thoughts. If you daydream or linger on them, they will have a hold on you. Thanks for the reply. pretty deeply entrenched (at one stage i thought we'd get married - what an idiot! ) and lasted approx 9 months * no souvenirs but i guess sometimes triggered by locations/music etc that are difficult to entirely eliminate * EN being filled - a work in progress though as i'm sure everyones are! * very quick to turn from them. Me: WW, 33 My BS: 30 Married: 11 years 1 x Child: Daughter, 3 years D-Day: 10/8/2011 Fighting to save my marriage.

Re: I had an affair and now want to save my marriage BlackViolet #2668910 09/26/12 11:38 AM
Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,463 Oregon K KayC Member
KayC Member K Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,463 Oregon	It'll get better. Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .

Re: I had an affair and now want to save my marriage BlackViolet #2669093 09/26/12 07:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 633 midwest F fifteenyears Member
fifteenyears Member F Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 633 midwest	Originally Posted by BlackViolet Been awhile since I updated. Things all going very well and we are about to have a two week period with the house to ourselves while H's parents go overseas. We are both looking forward to it. Planning on getting my parents to babysit as well so we can really get some quality UA time. I have a question thats been nagging at me the last couple of weeks... been reluctant to post it because I'm thinking there will be some of you that might jump to conclusions.... Anways - here we go! How long does it take to get rid of memories of the affair/OP? I certainly don't count the times i have thoughts of the OP but they are possibly once a day. Let me make it clear though. When i'm reminded of him somehow, or a thought/memory pops into my head i am very disgusted. My hate for him has grown so much over the last few months (seems to grow every time i have a thought about him) that i'm afraid of what i'd do if i ever saw him! Am I going to have to live with these random thoughts about another person that disgusts me for the rest of my life? I'm not a hateful person by nature. I don't want to NOT hate him. I just don't want to every think of him again! Any other WW/WH out there want to tell me their experience? BV, Being a FWW myself I still think of my OP as well and it stinks. I feel so very guilty about it and like you, it disgust me whenever a thought comes up. I am not really sure if and when they completely go away. Maybe not quite as vivid or painful but definitly there. I am glad things are going well for you and your H. Take advantage of those two weeks together. People aren't lying when they say how important UA time is. Me (WS) Husband (BS) DS - 15 DD -10 My D-day - 11/12/11 Today Me (BS) H (WS) D-Day #2 01/14/12 I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!

Re: I had an affair and now want to save my marriage fifteenyears #2669107 09/26/12 08:12 PM
Joined: Sep 2011 Posts: 219 B BlackViolet OP Member
OP BlackViolet Member B Joined: Sep 2011 Posts: 219	Thanks 15years. Nice to hear it's kinda 'normal'. Just saw your update... belated happy bday and good luck for this weekend. I guess if they really want whats best for their son they'll be supportive, as hard as it might be. Me: WW, 33 My BS: 30 Married: 11 years 1 x Child: Daughter, 3 years D-Day: 10/8/2011 Fighting to save my marriage.

Re: I had an affair and now want to save my marriage BlackViolet #2670197 09/30/12 10:13 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	I thought of you when I heard this show. Radio clip Segment #2 FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: I had an affair and now want to save my marriage BrainHurts #2675135 10/17/12 08:07 PM
Joined: Sep 2011 Posts: 219 B BlackViolet OP Member
OP BlackViolet Member B Joined: Sep 2011 Posts: 219	Oooooh first time logging on in a few weeks! thanks BH - no headphones at work but will check it out when i get home. Me: WW, 33 My BS: 30 Married: 11 years 1 x Child: Daughter, 3 years D-Day: 10/8/2011 Fighting to save my marriage.

Re: I had an affair and now want to save my marriage BlackViolet #2690984 12/16/12 09:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Originally Posted by BlackViolet Oooooh first time logging on in a few weeks! thanks BH - no headphones at work but will check it out when i get home. How are things BlackViolet? FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

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