Sigh... When my XWH finally told me it was trickle truth. When I asked him why he waited so long to tell me he gave me the same lame a$$ excuse you are giving. I told him then & I am telling you now. There is no good time, waiting only adds to the betrayal.

Good morning Jeff.
Another day. Will you be telling your wife the truth today or chose to continue to lie and commit adultery?

Ok I texted my wife yesterday in the morning to NOT make plans after work and that I needed to talk to her in person when she got off work at 6:30pm.. She came home and actaully brought me home a present that she bought me out of love.

Anyway I sat down with her AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING LAST NIGHT!! At first i started talking about what she did and then told her she needs to know what i did, imediatly she said "You cheated on me right??" i said yes and she said "I knew already" I said how? she said "I dont know, I just did".. I told her that there were about 80 hookers over the years and she was hurt but then after about 20 minutes she started getting angry.

She said she didnt really care about the whores as much because she was having sex with other men too, but she was pissed about the fact that I did not tell her in the beginning and the fact that I made her feel like a piece of sh*t by saying stuff like "YOU RUINED OUR MARRIAGE!!, AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!, YOU ARE DISGUSTING!!" I did infact tell her stuff like that.. I guess at the time "in my mind" I didnt think about my messed up past, I considered my self the good husband and that my virgin wife had went to far..

I always knew i had a sex problem before I even met her, I had already been with 30 women by the time I was 20 yo and she knew that.. It hurt me more because i always thought I was the one with the problem and my PURE wife could never do anything like that to me.. I should have told her in the beggining when all this blew up, but the reason I didnt was because I was thinking about leaving her [censored]!! She banged 5 guys with out protection!! Why would I tell her my past when the marriage was over? Who cares! Well I was wrong, after going to counceling and group therapy things actually started getting better, also I didnt tell her right away because she was in contact with OM and a bunch more men on her phone. I didnt want to make it easy for her to say "oh you cheated too? ok this marriage is done" and go with OM.. I had to get her away from him and all her other men contacts, because if I told her my past she might not let me delete these contacts.. It worked out good, she deleted all her male friends, and all contact with OM and we sent OM a final text together saying "its over and never contact me again", the dust settled and she realized she wanted to be with me and only me.

At this point she had left her party life and became a true loving wife again like in the begging.. I HAD TO TELL HER!! And yes before the Holidays, that way it was not another Holiday that was spent together with a huge lie that was not told..

She went outside and got in her car and called her sister who is a councelor but for kids, she came back inside and we talked more, again she was more upset that I manipulated her that she was a piece of sh*t and that I was perfect...

AFTER AN HOUR OF TALKING, SHE FORGAVE ME.. WE WATCHED A MOVIE LAST NIGHT AND CUDDLED. AND THIS MORNING WE MADE LOVE.. I WAS WORRIED THAT THIS WOULD BE THE END TO OUR MARRIAGE BUT INSTEAD IT IS A HUGE WEIGHT OFF MY SHOULDERS AND I FEEL OUR MARRIAGE IS GOING TO GET BETTER... SHE ASKED ME TO SCHEDULE AN EXTRA DAY THIS WEEK WITH THE MARRIAGE COUNCELOR AND I DID. I THINK HE IS GOING TO NEED A LARGE BUCKET OF POPCORN WHEN HE HEARS THIS SH*T LOL..

Maybe I am not a sex addict, I kind of hope not.. but i was addicted to these whores.. Our councelor made a good point last week.. He said "If you like to eat candy but you know you are not supposed to eat for your health DO NOT GO DOWN THE CANDY ISLE AT THE STORE, GO AROUND IT" Think it is the same for us, think we just need to keep our selfs away from this enviroment, in other words dont put our selfs in the situation to cheat.. Oh man, feels great to get this off my chest, but yes we still have alot of work to do and things to learn..

Sir.
Please do not go to a marriage counselor.
They do not have plans to save marriages.

You NEED to follow the Recovery Plan in surviving an Affair book by Dr bill Harley.

I am proud of you for telling the truth

BTW i was not getting these whores all the time, early Aug is when I had my last affair. It was almost 2 months before I found out about my wifes affair.. We had just came home from a week in Hawaii and yes the sex we had in Hawaii was very limited and rushed.. When I got off the plane I was sexually frustrated and went astray to get my needs taken care of the next day.. I know it was selfish and wrong but the intimacy in our marriage and our marriage in general was on the rocks.. We need to find ways now to bring the spark back.

She did some pretty messed up things to me too. Like texting this guy all day on our wedding anniversary and all day everyday. She brought him in our house and took down our wedding picture and had sex with him in our living room, also in the back seat of her car that I bought her, and in my shower..

Also the big thing that hurts me the most is that we have been trying to have kids with and it has not been working.. She was telling me to go down and get my sperm checked in which I did. There was a few times that her cycle was irregular like she missed her period, I got so excited and went and bought her pregnancy tests from the store and she would go along with it..

I found out later she was on birth control for a year, the shot... I may have messed up with these whores but man, talk about being manipulated, that was just wrong to do to me... I wanted a family and so does she. Very hard to take..

Is this the book you reccomend?

http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Aff...266196&sr=8-3&keywords=Dr+Harley

Yes

Just bought a used book in very good condition, for $5 including shipping.. I will check it out, its way more cheaper than these counceling sessions lol..

First off, you are acting like you are justified to wh*re around only because you didn't have good sex in your marriage? Are you kidding me? The reason you have a bad sex life is BECAUSE you wh*re around. Looking at porn and wh*ring around wrecks the enjoyment in marriage because it relegates the sex act to nothing more significant that 2 jack rabbits in heat getting it on. You are not making love, per se, you are just jacking off. Even a hog in heat can do that. You are not in the habit of making love because of your extramarital sexual proclivities.

But you have taken the most important first step in recovering your marriage. I would follow the program in the book, SAA. If you really follow it, you can save your marriage.

Good job! And you can also listen to the free radio show every day. It rebroadcasts the daily show for 24 hours until the next show. It is an invaluable free resource.

Free radio show? internet radio? how do we find it do you have a link?

never mind Melody, i just found it on your link lol

It's also in the red banner at the side of every page. The first red area is for the online course and the second is for the radio broadcasts.

Ok the tables have turned. After I told her everything last night (Sat)... Things were ok and this morning (sun) things were ok as well... she said she forgave me and we even made love.... We both messed up bad.. But sometime during her work shift earlier today she must have talked to her friends and Family or just thought about what I told her and all of a sudden she wont call me on her break. She texted me and said that she cannot believe what I did and that I made her feel like a piece of crap for 2 months..

I told her stuff like "god is watching her for being a sinner" and stuff like that.. wow I really was a hypocrite here.. Anyways she told me she needs time and wants to stay at her moms for a few days or so. She told me she would come by the house at 730 pm to pick up a few things with her mom and for me NOT to be there... I feel so much better for getting my secret off my chest, but now i fear the worst.. I could have been cuddling with her right now watching a movie.. The truth may have ended my marriage..But it was the right thing to do.. Its out of my control now, i just hope and pray that she will give "us" another chance.. She wants to meet me at 6pm on Wed with the marriage councellor. Maybe she has not wrote this marriage off yet, but who knows..

Im wondering that her mom and sisters are probably super pissed at me too for the gross fact that they were HOOKERS and how many i was with.. Also the fact that I played it off like a poor wounded husband that did no wrong.. I think the devil got in my head or something, this is not me, I used to be a good man, what the hell happened? I ask myself that all the time..

Its out of my control now...



Dude, if there is any statement that this website is dedicated to REFUTING, that's the one.

Stop the "oh, woe is me" crap, and start working.

You need to expose yourself to everyone, admit your failures as a spouse (and a human being) and ask their help in guaranteeing that you new devotion to your union will not falter.

You need to take the credit cards that enabled your multiple infidelities, cut them in half, and leave then for your wife to find.

You need to give her a list of your e-addresses, with all passwords. You need to start on a schedule, laying out where you'll be, and what you'll be doing, for each of the 168 hours of every week.

You need to pre-pack some of her stuff she's intending to retrieve, and surreptitiously put some apologetic notes within it.

You need to fully comprehend that the immediate future (couple months) will basically determine if she can look past your heinous behavior and try to work it out.

So knock off the self-indulgent teary letters, dude. You haven't the time to waste feeling sorry for yourself.

The truth is not what might end your marriage...the hiring of at least 80 hookers is. See the difference ?

You did the right thing by confessing to your wife. I salute you for that.

Excellent radio clip where Dr. H talks about what a WH should do for his wife to give him another try after his affairs. He explains it like an addict.

Radio Clip on a WH on what to do to get back with his wife 3:50 mark

Good clip, I guess there is not to many situations out there like ours where we both cheated. She lied and manipulated me and had sex with 5 men unprotected not even knowing what I was doing.. It is hard for me to kiss her [censored] and beg her to stay..
But I do love her more than anything still..

I went and told my family yesterday that i had cheated too and with multiple women, I also sent my wifes mom and sister a long message on Facebook apologizing for what i did and that i should have came clean in the beginning instead of acting like i was innocent to all of them, They have not responded.

I sent my wife a few texts this morning apologizing and wanting to work things out, she did not respond, i sent her a text asking if we could talk on the phone today and she replied with "YES".. But what she has to say could be bad news, i wont know till later..

I am open to giving her all my passwords and info as I have hers already, I really do not have anything to hide in my phone or accounts. The problem i had was driving on the freeway by the exit that had hookers everywhere. I was in and out of there in less than 15 minutes.. Thats why the number 80 is so high.. I still cant believe i had sex with that many women over a few years 2-3. But then I thought about it and you could do many things in only 15 minute intervals, like how many showers have you taken in the past 3 years? A ton!..

Something this easy, fun and cheap was what made it easy to reach that number and the fact that i drive by this exit everyday does not help.. From what I here this place is the only place like this for miles around, girls drive 2-3 hours to work here and it happens to be a few miles from my house. If it was an hour away I may have still had a hand full of affairs but not this many..

And im not making excuses or justifiying anything but just saying the ridiculous number of 80 over 3 years was not hard to reach because of access.. Wish I could move out of here with my wife and start fresh.. And thats another thing, i cant walk into a resturant/bar with her with out her knowing the bar tender and about 2 to 5 people sitting at it.. She knows everybody in this town.. And that is another reason why I choose hookers over girls at the bar, but how ever you look at it , it still was affairs...

Jeff, if she decides to stay with you, I would most definitely make plans to move. Living in an area where there are so many triggers will make recovery much harder. And having easy access to hoes will make it harder for you to resist the temptation. People who move away from the triggers have a much, much better recovery.