Jeff
I want you to know that a good friend of mine had sex with over 100 women.
He was a drug dealer and a very evil man.
While in a lockdown VA facility he received the Holy Bible and completely repented (ie changed his mind).

He later became a preacher.

So you are not alone in your deeds.
But there is always hope and I will pray for you

How cool is that! That is the amazing thing about God. Last night at church Father said "Do you know the difference between God and Man?"
God gives and forgives
Man gets and forgets
God is amazing, no matter what you do he will forgive you if you turn your life over to him.

Its funny that you mention God.. I have already been confessing and started taking my wife with me to a church session every tues called "Marriage Emergency" it is a great 2 hour session with about 15 other couples going through the same thing, it helps with all most all the troubles in marriage and the scripture is used with it..

It really opens your eyes to how selfish you could be and how far in sin you can go.. I am not a bible thumper now, but I can tell you the words in the bible have really spoke to me.. its almost scary how it has been happening. I prayed that my wife would come back to me and almost instantly i recieved a phone text from her "saying she still loves me but she wants to wait till wednesday to talk to our councellor together before she comes home".. I took that as if she wants to be with me but has to take a few days to be alone... it could be a step in the right direction..

I will go to the church marriage class by my self tomorrow.. They also offer a addiction recovery class with a 12 step program, its all free and only 2 minutes from my house. It is tonight!! I think i might go.. I want to change..

The Bible says that All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
It also says that we live in spiritual darkness and that Jesus Christ is the Light of the World.
The truth is, I have commited as much adultery as anyone else. Not physically. But in my heart. And it is a constant battle, against temptation and desires of the flesh.

Saint Paul described himself as "chief among sinners" until he was saved by God.

I encourage you to use every resource available to resist sexual temptations. Finding other men to hold you accountable will help a lot.

I prayed that my wife would come back to me and almost instantly i recieved a phone text from her "saying she still loves me but she wants to wait till wednesday to talk to our councellor together before she comes home"

In the RC faith there are said to be four categories of prayer: Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, and Supplication, in summary:
- Praising God for His being and presence
- Apologizing for committing sin
- Thanking God for a blessing, gift, or "miracle"
- Asking for something

Looks like number four might have paid off for you. Don't neglect the other three.

Pray to God but row for the shore.

What ACTIONS are you taking to protect yourself from yourself right now?

If you live in a town big enough to have a strip, you certainly live in a town big enough to find more than one way home.

What else are you doing to protect yourself TODAY (and tomorrow and the next day) from the next 15 minute troll?

Whether your W decides to stay married to you or not, you need to get yourself in control.

A good show where both Husband and wife had affairs.
Radio clip of a WW and WH
Segment #2
Segment #3

I have no desire to "troll", my heart is crushed and it has always ate me up inside of what i was doing, but now that it is out its a true awaking.. I am humiliated and broken because of it from the reaction of others like her and her family. And I would never want to cause any of this pain to myself or anyone else in my life. If things work out, I guess it would be smart to seek help additionally to make sure I can deal with temptation down the road.. But as of now my focus is on getting my wife back...

What did you do last night?

This is a dangerous, dangerous mindset. You clearly have moments of weakness (and complete and utter insanity) when you have had over 80+ affairs with hookers on the street.

You cannot believe for a moment that a switch flipped and overnight that has changed.

Did you ever 'want' to troll? Were you ever happy or proud of yourself for doing it? Of course not, if you were you would announce it to the world. You don't announce it because you are ashamed of it, and you should be. But, you still did it. Which means even now, you could still do it.

You need to NOT think you can control your own behavior. Dr Harley says that all of us are wired for affairs, which is why we need to create a lifestyle that does not support them. NOBODY should rely on sheer willpower, because at some point, that will fail us. In the same manner that a 500lb binge eater should not fill their fridge full of junk food and rely on willpower to avoid it, YOU should not drive by a strip of hookers every day and rely on willpower to avoid stopping in for a quickie.

The first thing that needs to happen is that you need to understand you have a major problem here, and work to create a lifestyle that does not allow it.

I am worried that my wife wants to talk about seperation when we go to councelling on Wed. Before she found out about my past there were a few times where we talked and she said she wanted to seperate and take time to see what she wants, I told her I did not want to seperate because it would only pull us farther apart and I did not want that.

I told her I would be paceing and pondering around the house when we were seperated going crazy not knowing what was going to happen with our marriage or where she was, who she was with and what she was doing.. I told her straight up I DO NOT WANT TO SEPERATE, and if she did that we should get a divorce.. She decided to stay.. she had told me she wanted to feel what it was like to be on her own as she never has, she said she feels like she has matured and is less dependant on me because she finally got her new carreer, this was about 3-4 weeks ago when we had this discussion. Im worried that my past coming up will push the issue of seperation even more but I kind of feel the same way about no seperation.. But maybe a short seperation would be ok since I did drop the ball on her just Sat night..

Jeff I know we have been approaching this from an angle of YOU being the adulterer. But your wife is also, so lets look at it from that angle too.

When was your wife's last A? Has she gone No Contact with her AP's? When a woman wants to seperate and have space to figure things out, it generally means they want to have time to carrying on an A without you there. Although this situation is kindof hairy because of all of YOUR affairs that she has just found out about.

Have you been advised to read SAA and have you done so? Have you introduced your wife to the Marriage Builders concepts? Based on the incredible amount of infidelity between the two of you, your marriage really has NO SHOT unless you read SAA and follow the plan outlined for recovery to a T.

I am confused, last night my wife texted me and asked if i wanted to go watch the football game with her and our friends at a sports pub. I said yes and met her down there, there was 8 of us, we all had dinner and drinks.. I sat next to her at the bar and we shared dinner, her girl friend was sitting on the other side of her at the bar and they were talking. I over heard my wife telling her friend that she wanted to start putting up all the xmas decorations this weekend because she had not done it the last few years, it made me smile.

Im confused, one minute she wants to seperate and the next she wants to put up decorations. Her mom had texted me and asked if i could bring hangers for her for her cloths that she took to her moms. I said that i had already left the house which i did. So I went and bought her about 30 hangers for her cloths and I also bought her a cheap matching set of earings and neclace and gave it to her with the hangers. She had a big smile and said thank you.. I gave her a hug and went to give her a quick kiss on the lips and she turned her head so that I would kiss her cheek only, She said I will text you when I get to my moms, bye..

She texted me about 20 minutes later and said "i made it to my moms"... Then i texted back " I made it home too" Then I sent one more that said "Goodnight...I love you" she replied with "Goodnight" and thats it.. I have been up all night thinking about that.. What if she has lost the love for me? It sucks!! But earlier yesterday in the day before she asked me to go to the football game she sent me a text that said "I would like to see the councelor on wed before i come home... I do love you"... Im just very confused, hurt, disgusted with myself and her.. I dont wish this upon anybody. I hope my prayers get answeed and I hope god gives us the strength, knowledge and love to repair this broken marriage...

Jeff you are waffling around without a Plan. You need to start following a PLAN.

Jeff, I'm no vet, and I'm still in the process of recovering my marriage. But I will say that this whole process is a roller coaster. The "I want to stay married" and then the "I want a divorce" have been a normal part of our recovery in the beginning.

You have both betrayed and been betrayed. Dr. Harley says that recovery is measured in years, not days or weeks or months.

God can give strength, knowledge and love, but He gives you arms and legs for action.

Here is an email from my mother inlaw. This is where my wife is staying and im sure my wife is telling her, her true feelings, it is a reply email from after I sent an apology, does it sound like she told her mom she may want a divorce?..




Jeff, I just now got a chance to read and respond to your message�Please know that this is yet another unexpected turn of events that none of us saw coming and it is very hard (just as it was when we heard about Beth) to take in. As I have told you before I am here for you to listen, perhaps give some advise now and then, and to support both you and Beth in whatever your choices may be.

In light of what has just come up it does concern me the way you handled the situation with Beth. Yes, what she did was wrong but �playing� the be honest card with her and instilling in her to be truthful in the name of God was very wrong on your part. It is very evident that you two have deeper rooted issues that unfortunately married couple sometimes deal with that have been going on for quite some time now. All of these issues need to be addressed. You asked in your message for me to put in a good word for you and unfortunately there is not a darn thing good about this situation. I do not have any �good� words to say about what either of you have done, however, I know bottom line it is something you will have to fix together if you guys want to salvage this marriage.

I know Beth has asked you to give her space and you guys can address it on Wednesday in counseling, and honestly I think that is a good move. You both are on an emotional roller coaster right now and if you keep trying to get her to talk by calling/texting I feel you are only going to push her away. This is an opportunity for the both of you to have time apart (even if its hard), and regroup for counseling.

I hear you that you said you didn�t want to tell her this earlier because you were afraid she�d leave with the other guy, but really if this has been going on for a couple years now you had more than enough time to come clean about this. You said in your message for a couple month you haven�t been able to sleep. Why is it now just hitting your conscience? One would think it would have been weighing heavily on you for yrs now.

You have to stop and look at it from Beth�s perspective: You drug her name through the mud because of her mistakes and made her feel like such a low down slut when in fact you were the one sleeping with sluts. Sorry if my words come across harsh, but what else can I call them? Imagine the humiliation that a wife must feel that her husband wants a whore over her, and that it was not even just a onetime occurrence. She felt bad enough about herself before and now this is added to the pile.

Bottom line Is that you both have made mistakes. Now is the time for you both to really evaluate what your next steps are going to be and to see what you both want to do. If you guys decide to work it out and fight for this marriage that is your choice, however, know it is not always that easy and one of you may decide that they don�t want this anymore. You have to now respect each other�s choices and know that both of you are deeply hurt

I have no doubt that your wife deeply resents your hypocrisy. I know I would. You have much more to atone for than just affairs. There are lies and very flagrant hypocrisy.

And who knows how this will shake out. I have no doubt that your wife is in deep shock. I would give her some time.

I found out and was contacted by the girlfriend of the OM on Sept 23. That same day they had sex.. My last affair was Aug 14.. We sent a text message together to the OM saying never contact me again. I also left him a crazy voice mail on his phone that basically said his days are numbered and that I was going hunt him down. I called and left messages to all these late night phone numbers that were on her phone bill.

I ordered the SAA book yesterday from amazon, it says it has shipped.

I really hope you are wrong about her wanting to continue cheating if we seperate..

I think your mother in law seems very fair.

However you need to change your behavior.
You need to stop having sex with prostitutes, stop porn and any other sex outside of marriage.
Others have asked you, and you haven't answered. What is your plan to stop this behavior?

Regarding your marriage, I think you should read about plan A. And follow it.

You need to improve yourself and become more attractive to your wife. And that is done through actions.

Did you go to the group meeting last night?
Are you going tonight?
I encourage you to reach out to a reputable man at the church and ask him to help hold you accountable.
How does he hold you accountable? Maybe you install a software on all of your computers so he knows if you go to Craigslist or other hookup websites.
Maybe you put a gps unit on your car.

Maybe you voluntarily submit to polygraph tests every 3 months.