MelodyLane!The one who's been booting you up the backside all week!

oh lol

uhhh hello??? did you read my post?? I gave you the plan. And I agree you shouldn't play the sex addict card. That won't get you too far.

Did you read my post?

Hello did you read my post lol j/k. I already bought a SAA book online it should be here in a few days. Wish I had it tonight.. I never have met a girl at the gym, in fact I dont really meet women other that the hookers.. I didnt want to start a relationship so i avoided them even when they would talk to me.. I wont use the sex addict card tonight..

If you have friends that are sleeping with married women and bragging to you about it you need new friends

Ok so we met at counceling last night and I told the councelor the new news about my past, he was alittle shocked lol.. And we talked about my affairs. My wife was crying and mad. She said she was mad about how many hookers it was total and the fact that I started doing this like a year before her affairs..

She was very upset about how I manipulated her, she called me a master manipulator and she never has seen me act like that ever and I really havent.. I guess I was just so shocked about the guys she was with that i did not even think about my past, I was playing the hurt puppy card to all her friends and family and kind of bashing her. I went about it all wrong and because of that im sure the support from her family to her is not the best for me.

I actually was extremely hurt when i found out about her affairs and I needed people to talk to and i am more close with her fam about issues, than mine so i talked to her fam more.. I couldnt be like " its ok i dont mind" but at the same time I wanted to be concerned which i was. The councelor ask her where she was in this marriage and she said 50/50. We hugged by the car and she left to spend time with her fam and i left to spend time with mine.. I have been taking this extremely hard because I still want to work this out but she is on the fence.. She said she needs time.. What pisses me off is she has been going out and partying at the same bars where she was meeting these guys or atleast where she would have girls night and all that. She says she needs girl time and she will not cheat on me..

To me this is not (taking time to find herself) this is freedom to party.. She says she just has a different way of coping. So going out with her girl friend to the bars is how she copes, me on the other hand feel like i want to crawl in a hole and away from the world and grieve. She has went out 2 nights in a row.

She swears to me that she will NEVER cheat on me again while we are still married even if we are seperated because there was just too much pain , I guess I beleive her but i really cant say much like "get home and stop going out to the bars" because i had affairs too.. i asked her "what status are we now?, Are we seperated?" She said she doesnt know what we are right now..

I told her to take time to heel and figure out what she wants to do but I do not want to be seperated!. I am really taking this hard and have been breaking down like a little school girl for the past 5 days. I am alomost getting sick of being apart and not knowing whats going to happen.. Its almost like i want to give her a choice...come back home and lets work on this or divorce...I cant stand this pondering while she goes out and partys.. This is hard for me because this is our first thanksgiving apart in 12 years.

Sir.
I am sorry that you are missing her this thanksgiving.

Did you present her with a plan to be accountable during the counseling session?

Did you apologize to her?

Yes I did.. I presented a plan on a piece of paper to her and the councelor, i got the idea off one of these posts you guys left.. I put the tempatations and problems on one side and the plan or fixes on the other.. Like taking a different route around the hooker exit, and putting gps on my car that only she can see.. They kind of looked at it and were like "ok" but it didnt make a huge impact on anything, or there reaction.. I have appologized to her many times.. I miss her alot..

If she will not agree at this point to your accountability measures then I suggest you ask the church for assistance. Ask the pastor or an elder to help hold you accountable.
You need to do this.

She is not as concerned with my accountabilty at this point, she is on the fence whether she wants to stay married or not, or i guess whether she even wants to try to work this out.. If she does then at that point she will probably want a plan from me...

But you need to change your behaviors irregardless of what she does

definatley... But im on this website to save my marriage.. Once shes gone i will be single and wont have to bang hookers, I will just date a bunch of women. I only went with hookers cause i didnt want to become emotionally attached to them.. I dont have a problem getting regular women, i just chose not to date them cause im married and my wife knows everybody lol.. But i am here to save my marriage, I dont want any other women but my wife right now, but yeah i will get help for a sex addiction asap.. If my wife would allow sex like every other day i would be cured and "taken care of" but this 2 week wait thing was hard to deal with, i went elsewhere.... Number 1 goal.. get me wife onboard to work on our marriage..

I think you are a very selfish man.
You refuse to change your behaviors.
You are a selfish perverted man that foolishly takes pride in your wicked ways.

Your self destructive behavior WILL result in the death of your marriage and other natural consequences.
Maybe when you finally hit rock bottom you will desire to change.
Maybe you never will.

I am bothered each time you post about telling your whoring story ie recent counseling session---you place a "lol" comment. Aren't you ashamed? Do you enjoy the shock value?

MB program is a marriage makeover at its core has the capacity to transforms the individuals selfishness and pride to become a stellar marriage partner.

I'm affraid you cannot simply want and hope to get your wife back. Today is the day you set your will and even tell yourself you are a buyer, not a renter or freeloader--a buyer from this day forward. If you wait to make this transformation even one more day, say for your wife to show some signs of hope for YOU, your odds diminish. Thats the way it works. Begin educating yourself about what it means to be a buyer and be a buyer. There are plenty of resources available. If you have a eReader yu can download this weekend.

What happens if she becomes ill and incapacitated? You act like sex is a "NEED" akin to air or water. Do you not have any self control?

If she were here, instead of you, I think the vast majority of the advice to her would be, "Play the 'D card'; he's not suitable husband material."

Dude, right or wrong, in her mind your heinous actions have just about released her from her vows. Let's be real: Unless she's an alcoholic or revealing long-suppressed lesbian tendencies, the reason for her excursions with her (unmarried?) GFs is to prowl, to see if anything out there interests her, and if she can incite any male interest in herself.

Your problem is that you have basically destroyed every element that could have existed to attract her back to your marriage. Your whoring around demonstrated contempt for your MARRIAGE, and your sanctimonious condemning of her following her infidelity demonstrated contempt for HER.

She is likely weighing her options about what life she wants going forward: either back with you as known quantity; becoming single and a free agent; or maybe immediately hooking up with a new partner.

Your (slight, pale) hope is to rebuild yourself with all possible speed, and clearly demonstrate to her that the J1979 she knew before is gone, and the new J1979-v2 is incredibly much better. This "ideal" is so much easier to pronounce than to support with concrete recommendations as to how to progress, however.

You're crashing into the reality of what you've done. You think that somehow it's okay for you to have tons of sex on the side but are somehow horrified when your wife does it?

You have very little respect for women.

From the moment you started posting with all your LOLS (really? are you laughing out loud?) I've been tempted to get on your thread and share with you that this is INSANE.

You didn't even notice your wife was off sleeping around? You are tuned out, selfish and demanding. I'm pretty sure your marriage is toast but it's not too late for you.

You have a lot of work to do. Your story is disgusting. Your behavior and attitude is DISGUSTING.

Assuming you are a woman, you predicted her reaction to a tee. Except for the divorce papers, they have not arrived yet.. we have been seperated for a week now.. she feels more manipulated than ever before and she is worried that I might do this again to her. She told me the deadly words a few days ago in a text message.. I ask her why she has not said she loves me and if she still loves me.. She said "I love you but I am not sure if I am in love with you" after looking up that term on the internet it pops up everywhere and its definition means " she is leaving me and wants out of the relationship and may be having an affair still"...

I spoke with her today in text and she said "I think i was furious when i texted that" but she never did say she meant it and she still does not say "I love you when i text her goodnight i love you, if im lucky she will respond with just goodnight.. I ask her if she would like to have dinner together some time soon and she said "yes... how about this sunday evening" and I said yes that will work. She also said that she is thinking about moving back home soon and maybe we could sleep in different bedrooms...

I have been out of town for the holidays and she went to our house earlier today and started cleaning house, she adopted a new kitten that i had found during the week she was gone it just showed up on our porch so i gave it some cat food and it wont go away.. she says she likes the kitten and wants to adopt him, she brought him in our house and gave him a litter box and food and ask if i could go down and get him shots and have him checked out, she also asked if I could clean out our laundry room so she could get access to the closets for storage, she said that would make her happy if i did that.Sounds like she is making very small progress but progress to come back in my life, but i could be wrong, I asked her to let me know what she wanted for xmas cause i went shopping today and she texted me a few things that she wanted.

I sent her flowers at her moms house today and she liked them.. But she is still very pissed off and still pondering if she wants to be with me and I can understand why. But i hope it gets better and that she really didnt mean what she said about not being in love with me.. I will talk with her on Sun, meanwhile my SAA book should be arriving any day and I might need help getting started on it.. I want to rebuild and save my marriage!! And also become free of sex addiction by getting help..

I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE AND BEHAVIOR AND SAVE MY MARRIAGE. I MAY HAVE THE SLIGHTEST CHANCE TO STAY WITH HER AND I DONT WANT TO MESS IT UP. I AM STILL IN SHOCK FROM ALL OF THIS GOING DOWN THAT I HAVE CREATED.., IM NOT SURE HOW TO HANDLE THINGS. I AM EXTREMELY ASHAMED OF MY ACTIONS AND NEVER WANT TO DO THEM AGAIN..

IF IT WAS YOU, WHAT ACTIONS WOULD YOU TAKE AT WARP SPEED TO REBUILD YOURSELF, CONFINE AND DISTINGUISH YOUR PROBLEM AND FIX YOUR MARRIAGE? HOW CAN PROVE TO HER THAT SHE SHOULD STAY MARRIED TO ME AND THAT I AM A GOOD WORTHY HUSBAND? I AM WILLING TO DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES... IT IS APPARENT THAT I AM MISSING THE BIG PICTURE HERE AND THATS WHY I AM ON HERE.. THE PROBLEM IS ME!! I NEED HELP ASAP.. I HAVE DINNER WITH HER ON SUNDAY.. I WANT TO COME IN WITH A PLAN AND FOLLOW THROUGH ON IT.. AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT I DO RESPECT WOMEN...

You have already identified the salient problem to be dealt with - your Sex Addiction. You will be helped if you keep a diary to show BW someday of your efforts, so get a spiral notebook and start recording you progress

Google "Sex Addiction Treatment (Your State)" for a start. Call/email the one that seems most available to you. You can do that today.

I know you've got Surviving an Affair coming. You're probably going to need the yin/yang of His Needs/ Her Needs, and Love Busters as well. You can order both today.

You want to present her tomorrow night with evidence of actions, not words, reflecting your commitment to remaking yourself.