If it was me, I would seek help through a 12 step program.
They are free, anonymous, effective and everywhere

...help through a 12 step program......which, by the way, popped up often as I "googled" various state resources!

Have you been "diagnosed" with sex addiction or are you using that term to try and justify that you feel entitled to sex every other day? I have a very hard time believing a "sex addict" can "cure" their problem if only their wife would give in to their demands.

You have basically threatened that she must have sex with you every other day or else you will go elsewhere. 2 weeks? Really? I hope you and your wife do not have children, are you going to have sex with other women while waiting for her 6 week recovery? Are you suggesting that ANY woman you are with, whether that's your wife or a future wife should this lead to divorce, must be willing to perform with you not out of LOVE but out of fear that you will go back to prostitutes?

Sir, you are not healthy for ANY woman right now, even your wife (and no, I am not excusing her actions either, but she's not here for me to post to). You are not someone who is ready for a monogamous marriage.

Thank you for the advice.. I really do want to change, in earlier posts it was said to maybe withdrawl the term "sex addict" to my wife, but still get the help i need? And make progress, do you think if i show her that i started attending a sex addiction treatment program that she will be even more distant? I am just wondering how she will take this, but bottom line i will do what it takes to change "me".. It has been 4 months since i "used" or been with another woman, i would like to make that 40 years..

I think you should focus on your behavior right now instead of how your wife will respond to it.

If you need expert advice email Dr Harley and he will give you advice at no charge. He is a national expert

I was delireous when i posted this, and have been getting close to 0 sleep.. I dont think I would be "cured" if i had sex with my wife every other day i am not sure why i said that.. I need help... We do not have kids. I want to be by herside and grow old with her and not go outside the marriage for my needs, i have to learn to controll them and stop being selfish..

My church has a 12 step recovery program, that im looking into.. its for all sorts of addiction.

Possible action steps for today....


email the MB coaching center today or call them on Monday AM and schedule an appointment with a coach. Helping people such as yourself is their specific life work.

search on this site "extraordinary precautions" and continue to build your list that will help you now and in the future.

Do not simply play with the idea of joining the church 12 step program---do it today. You can likely attend a meeting before your dinner date with your wife Sunday. Ya gotta fully own this destructive side of yourself and place solid barriers between "the problem" and those you care about including your better self. That's your job. There will be the "lol" side of yourself that will try to delude you everyday for the rest of your life. I know people with serious problems with careless behaviour that have redeemed themselves but they only did so by not giving up a few things but by completely changing their lifestyle.

Sign up for the MB radio archives and you can listen to Dr Harley counsel folks with destructive habits counter to their marriages. You will likely see yourself in these programs and learn a lot. You can do the same thing from reading the articles and forum here right now. Especially since you can't sleep, bath yourself in this stuff.

You were likely the leader in your marriage down this nightmare path. Take the lead now towards redemption. Don't argue with your wife and play tit for tat. Again take the lead out of this nightmare. Be not so concerned with the pain from her "I love you but I'm not in love statement." Let it be and focus on the new habits YOU are developing.

As painful as its become, understand all that is happenig to you is grace working in your life. Yes its a very tight and uncomfortable space you are being squeezed through but if you can stop focusing on your own impulses and reactiveness to your own hurt you will be able to mobilize and find a new joy in your life.

Pile on the MB materials ie books, workbooks and cD's to listen too. Utilize their forms. Get organized with the materials. Sign up for their program. You will get the structure you need.

Thank you, i need a stern plan like that, and grace is working, slowly but surely, it is unbeleivably tough.. The 12 step class is on monday night, i will be there.. Also about all the extra coaching on this site, and materials.. Are all these resources fairly expensive? The reason i ask is money is alittle tight right now to top it off..

I look back about 2 years ago when i started messing up.. I remember taking my wife by the hand and going to different churches in the area to see if we could find one we like, i was doing it then because i wanted to stop what i was doing to myself and my wife and family.. We did not end up finding a church and we went about our lifes the way they were and I FAILED as a husband to change and get us into to church and change my ways.

In turn it all spriraled out of control and she became unhappy and started having affairs, and when she started having affairs the whole loving vibe in the marriage was lost, she would go out with her girlfriends 3 nights a week and ditch me and in return I would continue persuing these whores maybe as a way to get even, we were both competeing back in forth with sin.

I really need people to help me through this, i am hoping the people at church will take me in.. I have only been going to this churches marriage class for a few weeks now, i have not actually went to a real service yet.. I want to be a good man, i really do..

I have been praying every night for god to give me strength to change my ways and for him to help save my crippled marriage.. This morning my wife and I have been texting back and forth, she has decided to come either today or tomorrow morning to help me clean the house and set up xmas decorations together and decorate the xmas tree together, we have been laughing and joking all morning about funny names to name our new kitten she odopted.. By the grace of god, I may have a chance with her again, a small chance but a chance.. I CANNOT MESS THIS UP!!

Please read the Bible every day and read the Devotionals in the prayer forum

Jeff, have you done this?

Did you do this? Did you write to Dr Harley or call into the radio show?

Did you do this? Did you clean up your friends list to exclude those that encourage and support a wayward lifestyle?

Have you done this? Listened to the radio program every day to learn about MB and how to recover your marriage from infidelity? PS It's FREE.

Have you done these things? NeverGuessed gave you nice list here to check off.

Did you do any of these things?

Have you implemented any of these great ideas from FindingFreedom?

There are many more 'action steps' posted in the last 15 pages. I am trying to make a point here Jeff, that you keep coming on asking for HELP and yet are ignoring most of the suggestions people are giving you.

You have had 80 affairs. Eight. Zero. That is akin to about probably 50-60 of the last posts on here. If you want to salvage this you will have to act on 110% of the program 110% of the time, without a toe out of line.

Yet you seem to want some easy fix to get your wife to just not leave you. Not gonna happen. You are like a morbidly obese person who is being told to exercise and eat right, being given longterm health goals and exercise and diet plans, who keeps asking for a quick PILL because they have a wedding to go to on Saturday. There's no quick fix here, only hard work for LIFETIME.

I have not been ignoring suggestions, i welcome them..


1. Yes we both got checked for stds and hiv, and we are clean.. there has been no partners after the testing.

2.I have not yet wrote Dr H, still catching up to all these posts

3.I have came clean to everybody, fam and friends about what I have done, and have given appologies and some actions i will take like the 12 step... I have not used credit cards for any of my actions. My wife can have all my passwords and access i never really kept in contact with any of the women we just met that night and that was it.. I have left her appology notes in the house..

4. I have not reached out to a man at church yet, because i wasnt sure who to talk to and did not know anybody there, on monday in the 12 step i might meet some new people and have them hold me accountable for my internet use which was still limited but yes i did vist craigslist a while back..

5. I really did not communicate with women on facebook or in person as i did not want a relationship, my main concern is making sure I never take the freeway exit to where the prostitutes work.. which I sit here and think about that, and i dont even have an urge for it after 4 months.. maybe from all the pain i have went through...

I have told my wife that I will go out of my way to go around that freeway exit, and if she wants i will install a GPS unit on my car that only she can see, and come to think of it, it wouldnt be a bad idea to install a gps unit on her car as well As she used to make pit stops on the way home from the bar..

I realize there is not an easy fix to this, i am willing to put in the hard work..

Jeff--

Make sure to go back and test in 3 months for HIV. It is hard to detect for a few months after infection and depending on how recently you were with a hooker, you might have it and not know it.