thank you BH

I'm always lurking just don't tend post much but I'm always here reading, I think for some reason I'm hidden on the who's online board.

How have you been?

Do you tend to get on at high-traffic times? It could be that, since I can usually see my name in the "who's online" list.

EDIT: Nevermind, I just refreshed and can't see my name on it.

I'm well, thanks for asking.

Actually I saw you on the "who's online" and was wondering how you were and I was going to find your recovery post and ask you. No I'm not a stalker.

Karma I still haven't figured out the time difference thing as I am in the UK and there are so many time zones across America so no idea when it's high traffic time on MB.

I have it on my iPad, I phone, work laptop and home PC.

Some threads are just so heartbreaking you feel so compelled to follow them and keep hoping affairs are busted and marriages saved.

What I find encouraging is that I am not triggered at all by reading Mb. I find it very comforting to keep on reading the advice over and over again to ensure I stay on the right path.

BH

Tanks you so much for caring, it's comforting to see that there are MBers here that have seen the last 4 years of my marriage and understand the journey,

Good for you and you FWH NB28!
I read through your stitch and I laughed. Not at you, with you. My story had a different ending but the insanity sounds too familiar. Hopefully a newbie will heed your advice and follow MB principals. I know my marriage wouldn't have survived anyways but I would have plan "B" a lot sooner. for you both!

LGL

It's very strange reading how bad things were after you go through recovery and educate yourself on the MB method.

I was reading it going "no no no that's not how it's done, snap out of it" as if I was reading someone else's thread.

There is so so much I would have done differently because the pain of an affair is bad enough but false recovery brings its own heap of new pain and when you drag that on for 3 more years its serious agony. I don't want anyone to go through that.

We could definitely use you around more often. You wouldn't believe how many reluctant BS's there have been lately, I've lost count. Some have wised up, and some haven't, but...

Karma I'm really here ever day and I have posted to a few BS s like Brokenmama and Moleosam and will carry on posting where I can.

DH also posted to a WH a few months ago.

So we are here and we will carry on learning and growing .

Congratulations on your recovery journey! Would you mind sharing what worked in terms of getting your once reluctant WS onboard with MB? Mine's gone completely but I'm sure there are people who could benefit

I'm also interested in how your WH finally made it to this forum. My WW is so reluctant, she won't even read post as a guest.

Congratulations and good luck with continued success. BS like myself need to see and hear stories of success, it keeps hope alive.

Jenifer I do follow your thread and I'm sorry your going through this,

The most important thing I learned is that I can't make my husband do anything, I can only control how I behave and what I do. You can see from my thread the numerous manipulations I tried to pull and they were all unsuccessful.

The MB plan takes care of that because it helps the BS concentrate on their own actions and ignore Wayward babble and alien like conduct an example of that is the way plan A or plan B is set up.

Many BS often complain that they have to do all the work at the start and however much I resented this notion because I was stuck on some romantic novel version where the WS cries and begs for forgiveness once they are busted, we all know this is not reality and you can't really let a drunk drive the marital recovery. I consider the faithful spouse to be the only one who is anywhere near sane enough to lead recovery and they got to do it by leading by example, therefore plan A, avoid LBs and most importantly expose.

I would advice any new BS to be brave, have faith in Mb and listen to the advice given here. No one in this forum wants to cause harm, they all donate their time and share their heartbreaking experiences in order to save marriages.

Texas
My DH was the one who found the Mb forum while he was searching for ways to help me cope with him working with the OW one year after DDay.

He thought "here is a place I can send her to get her off my back and to get her to stop complaining"

Lucky for me he hadn't actually read much about MB when he handed over the link to the site because the Wayward in him lived to regret that very much.

Once I started reading the site I started posting immediately and eventually made it a condition of recovery that he posts on MB.

Throughout this process I heard many posters called quacks, how they don't understand him and watched him lie over and over again but made sure he understood that the only way I would recover the M would be if he adhered to MB approved conditions and posting on MB was a must even when he tried to get me to drop it because according to him MB was triggering me (humm nothing to do with his behaviour or working with the OW).

My Conviction in the Mb methods was what won him over, I got the books and read them with or without him, I wrote down and adhered to my own Eps, I carried on listening to the MB radio when he walked into a room and stuck by any comments made to him by posters that upset him because I was on the MB method side and this meant I was sticking with concepts and people who wanted to save my marriage and had experience in doing that.

My DH is not a very confident person so although he does partake in reading the Mb forum he only posted once to help a WS because he felt strongly about what that person was doing and wanted to help his BS.

He eventually got onboard with full recovery because he saw that I was loosing any love I had left for him. After 3 years of false recoveries and broken EPs I was drained but never had the courage to go into plan B instead just withdrew from him completely (this hurt me a great deal and I would never recommend anyone do this and believe fully in the reasons and logic of plan B). DH realised he was loosing me and saw how hard i had worked to address the martial issues and got onboard with recovery wholeheartedly this time.

We did it the hard way and although we are happy and our marriage is recovering we both regret the time it took to get there because we both suffered unnecessarily in the process.

NB28,
How long did it take your WH to post on this forum? I'm asking my WW to post, but i don't want to pressure her.

Thanks for the positive post.

If I remember correctly he took about a week to post but remember we were 1 year on from DDay and his affair was over although he was still working with the OW.

By the time we stumbled on MB we were in a desperate state and we both wanted things to change.

Why is your wife reluctant to post?

Have you made MB recovery part of your requirements?

Glove oil
I'm sure he would love that as you were one of the few people who he really paid attention when you posted to him in his early foggy days.

H says he's buying that pint lol